Did anything good happen to you in your forties?

[Sashamalia]

To anyone over 40, I am not calling you old.

I just turned 40. And i feel sad.

I've bought into the marketing that women are over the hill at 40, and basically nothing good happens to us after that age.

I need to snap myself out of it

I'm 45 so mid-decade.

In some ways I agree with you: not seen as attractive so some men treat you worse, ageing is difficult when youth is so valued, life gets a bit boring as exciting life changes like babies, marriage, houses all happened a while ago, there are a few health worries and hormones are going crazy.

But looking at things without my pity-goggles I am loving giving less of a shit about looks and other people, my friends are AMAZING - just phenomenal people and so much fun, I feel more like myself (like who I was as a child), work is good, I'm comfortable, I have more time, I have a good and still growing partnership with my husband, my kid is shaping up to be a good human, overall I know i have on the whole put a net positive into the world.

If "older" women aren't externally valued that is a problem with the system because my experience of older women is that we are very, very useful and valuable. I don't know any older women who aren't self-reflective and curious. Sadly, I can't say the same for middle aged men and I think their lives are poorer for it

I had my fabulous ds.
I bought my current house where I've built a group of lovely friends.
I got the best job I've ever had.
I took up running and am fitter than I have ever been.

Why on earth would you think life stops at 40? Quite the opposite. You're past all the teenage angst and relationship hassles. Confident in yourself. Probably more financially secure. Still fit & healthy.

Life at 40 is the best 🤗

I hated turning 40, but decided to do something about the things I didn't like about it:

• lost weight
• started running
• took up a new hobby which allowed me to meet more people and helped my confidence.

Eventually, I also changed jobs although that took a while mostly due to lockdown getting in the way. I'm now closer to 50 than 40, fitter than I've ever been and probably the most content.

I had my third child (now 9 years old)
We got our amazing dog (now 8 years old).
We got our amazing second cat (now 4!).

Lots of challenges too but that's life at any stage.
I'm 52 now and I have to admit, I'm preferring my 50s to my 40s because I now fully accept and embrace getting older in a way that was more difficult in my 40s. Maybe it's just the reality that in your 40s, you're getting older. In you're 50s, you are older. A subtle difference. The latter encourages acceptance.

I hope this decade's a bit kinder to me. My late 40s were tough.

im 43(just)

a LOT has happened in the last 3 years
i became single at 40 for the first time ever(met my only ever partner at 18)we were together 22 years
he wasn't a bad partner or dad, i had a good one(he knew i wouldn't put up with any shit anyway)

their actions(other woman was a very close friend)did cause a emotional breakdown which im 99% recovered
it was pure shock and betrayal that caused it as he went out for McDonalds one night and hours later(after ringing him to find out where he is and getting no answer)

i was told he's now engaged to her, they are trying for a baby and she changed her name by deed poll
they got married 3 months later she was already 8 weeks pregnant with her 8th kid(she already had 7 kids by 7 different men)

at the time we were trying for a baby and looking to relocate to a new area but i was single for the first time ever and after getting over the shock its so freeing

i got a ADHD (inattentive) diagnosis at 42

i learned to drive, never had a lesson in my life until i was 42
i can drive just need to pass a test(only failed 1 and that was just, i have another one booked this may)

when i do pass i will have so much freedom to look forward to so ive got a lot of my 40s left

I had a baby, wrote and published two successful books, attained unimaginable heights in my career, and revived a marriage that had, a points, seemed doomed (clearly the last is a task that involved both me and DH, but he was over 40 too...)
Honestly, 40s feels like my most secure and successful decade. The best is yet to come.

Yes I became a nana to my absolutely gorgeous little Grandson and we have the best relationship I feel so lucky that I get to be a part of his life.

I got to feed Giraffes(they're my favourite animal)it was a surprise birthday gift from my DH.

I got to go to Kew Gardens again a surprise gift for another birthday from my DH.

I got to go to Winchester Christmas market.

I got to go and watch my football team a few times

And I got to do all of this before I had to go back into a wheelchair,so it was all a really big deal for me and my family

I'm 48 now and have no qualms about going into my 50s.

I see getting older as a privilege which sadly isn't afforded to everyone.

I’m 43. So far in my forties I’ve married the love of my life, watched my eldest DC graduate despite many obstacles, gained a qualification that allowed me to start a new career that I had always dreamed of, set up a business, had a holiday of a lifetime to somewhere that had been on my bucket list for decades, started on HRT (no more joint pain!), found an exercise I love for the first time and become much fitter than I ever have before.

I’ve also had therapy in my 40’s which has helped me understand myself and my past in a way I couldn’t before. I no longer hate myself, in fact I would say the opposite for the first time ever. I’m kinder to myself now and genuinely appreciate my life. I am more boundaried and less afraid to say no.

After many losses I had my my son at 42

I had twins, got a second degree and moved continents twice. It was eventful!

I know what you mean about media promoting youth and I certainly began to feel the impact of age in my 40s. But while, for me, the physical side of things did start to deteriorate a bit, the wisdom of age and experience paid massive dividends. I was much more emotionally with it and also far less susceptible to falling for things like media norms.

Outwardly I must admit my 40s have been uneventful. I got all the goals out if the way in my 30s - established career, married, bought house, had dc and have spent my 40s riding the wave of that.

I didn't really have any goals 9tger than to continue my career, raise my kids and pay off the house. This is an achievement in itself.

Mentally it's a different issue, agree with pp I have grown so much in myself, Im no longer a people pleaser and I don't allow others to dump on me. I'm confident and value myself and my time.

The older the dc get the more I am focusing on how I want my life to be and planning for the future.

Forties was the best decade of my entire life. Knew stuff. No longer allowed men to fuck me around. Still looked damn hot. Had money. It was great.

I had a baby in my 40s.

I'm in my 30's and surprised it took some people until their 40's to adopt this attitude. Having said that it's worked against me so...

My 40s have been great (I’m about to turn 49!) I found my way with my career after working pt for a while, have more time to focus on myself (exercise, self care) because my kids are older and more independent and we finally got a dog which has brought so much joy. Plus I don’t give a f about what anyone thinks of me and I don’t care about being the perfect wife, mother and employee. This is very liberating and lets me focus on what makes me happy with all those things instead of feeling pressure to do it all well.

Good thread idea theme @Sashamalia 👌

Fortunately there are a lot more women in the real world than are Hollywood actresses!

Don't worry, the feeling will soon pass and you'll realise that your 40's are a fabulous time to be alive. Caring about what other people think fades away so 'the marketing' that you have paid too much attention to won't even worry you. I used to live with my face in magazines so I can promise you this with experience.

No, not really. I got divorced and several friends are doing the same or enduring husbands who are having a mid life crisis - cycling, sports cars, affairs. The first of my friends, late 40s, died and some experienced serious illness. My dc headed off to uni and it wasn't liberating, I missed them. I had to work harder to be pleased with my appearance and didn't enjoy the appearance of grey hair or lines. I guess positives would be doing well at work and feeling financially secure, some good friendships. But I'm afraid it still feels, to me, as if I'm half way through life and the good bit is over.

Any man who would say that is an asshole, why would you care about the opinions of assholes?

Indeed it is a great and uplifting thread.

Interesting to compare it to the “don’t women know fertility falls off a cliff at 35?!?!” thread from the other day.

I got divorced, started a new career, bought a flat, went from C25K & Parkrun to a half-marathon, took up feminist campaigning and cat fostering & made a lot of new friends. I’m 50 now & hoping my next decade will be as good.

Forties have been touch mh issues, a lot of stresses/losses. I also feel so achy all time plus hormones are haywire.

But I am grateful we are financially secure and have a wonderful family

So far my forties are fabulous. A lot of it is because I don’t feel a need to chase approval anymore. Apparently this maybe peri menopause, in which case - bring it on.

I moved to a lovely house, I’m doing a degree at the OU, my kids are more independent so the balance of life is on lots more fun rather than stressing about them. DH and I are achieving things.

popular culture has this idea that women past 30 are over the hill. I think that’s because the older women get, the less they care for societal (read male) approval and so stop ‘playing the game’. We become confident and strong in ourselves and able to recognise our own worth.

I fell head over heels in love when I was 48.

40s were great, met DH, got married, moved house, new job. This of course came with its own challenges like it would in 20s or 30s but you’re far from past it at 40! Enjoy it.