Did anything good happen to you in your forties?

[Sashamalia]

To anyone over 40, I am not calling you old.

I just turned 40. And i feel sad.

I've bought into the marketing that women are over the hill at 40, and basically nothing good happens to us after that age.

I need to snap myself out of it

At the age of 40 you will have had 22 years of your adult life with statistically aroumd another 40 years ahead. Do you really think that women spend two thirds of their adult lives living worthless, unhappy, disatisfying existences, mooching around invisibly and waiting to die? There are almost no good things that are barred to women over 40, its a question of going out there and making the most of them, just as it is when you're young. With the bonus that you'll likely be wiser, wealthier, and before too long, with much greater freedom.

I turned 40 last year and so far, so good!

The decades have felt like this for me:

20s: exploring, experimenting, establishing career, travelling, partying.

30s: marriage, babies, juggling career

40s: established in career, settled in home, kids growing in independence, solidifying female friendships.

My head has only just stopping spinning from my 30s! I'm looking forward to the next stage. I am.lucky to have genuine and authentic friends I can be myself around. I still feel young at heart.

I earn more than ever. I don't give two hoots about a lot of things. I travel, buy nice handbags and to an extent do what I want. I've good friends who are far more direct about things than in 20s/30s.

But for me it has been a decade of loss and doing a lot more care for parents.

Haven't read all the thread but have read all OP's posts.
Forgive me if I'm wrong, OP, but it seems to me that you're mostly worried about fading looks and other people's (mainly men's?) perceptions of you.
While I appreciate that that shouldn't matter and we are so much more than our appearance, I would say that I think I looked my best in my 40s: my skin was pretty good; my children were older so I had more time to spend on myself (fittest I'd ever been); I'd got where I wanted in my career so had more money to spend on myself, clothes, hair etc and I was vastly more confident.
Hope that helps if that's your big worry. If it isn't, I'm sorry for misunderstanding

I’m now in my fifties. My forties were entirely liberating. I no longer actually cared what others thought - and I started really putting myself and my family first.

I’ve also found that unwanted male attention has disappeared, which is actually a massive relief.

I navigated all the primary school years with my kids during my forties which meant enjoying their milestones and making so many new friends through school mums and , latterly, a choir I joined as my kids got older.

ive changed jobs to one I really enjoy and, again as the kids have got older, I’ve navigated a work pattern that works around me and not them which is really satisfying. I’ve even taken on an additional side project which I’m really passionate about.

To date my forties were my favourite decade. Fifties only marginally worse so far as bits of me are starting to go wrong and drop off

I had a much wanted DD at 41, we also moved into our forever house and I moved up the career ladder.

That’s the wonderful thing about being in your forties. You realise that you truly don’t give a shit about the irrelevant opinions of irrelevant men. It’s a freedom that you didn’t know you didn’t have.

I think this is a good time to think about what media you consume and what effect they are having on you. If what you watch and listen to is largely produced by men, particularly younger ones, it is easy to absorb a very negative picture of what it is to be an older woman. So changing whose voices you let into your head can be very powerful.

Listening to podcasts by older women (I love Hit Play not Pause) can be really inspiring as you hear the stories of women who are hitting new highs in their 40s and beyond. There's a lovely episode of Hit Play not Pause where a woman who gave up figure skating in her 20s and returned in her 40s realises that she doesn't have to limit herself to trying to match her performance in her 20s - she can (and does) aim higher by doing double jumps that she couldn't do when she was younger. Another featuring with two friends who took up parkour in their 50s and loved it. There are some seriously badass women out there.

Speaking of which, Jasmin Barclay is in her 40s and just recently became the first woman to complete the hellish endurance event that is the Barkley Marathons (well over 100 miles in 60 hours in pathless terrain with steep ascents adding up to climbing Everest twice - only 20 people have ever completed it in in over 30 years!)

You could also look at Alex Rotas photography for some amazing images of masters athletes who are strong and fit and clearly having the time of their lives. https://alexrotasphotography.co.uk/galleries/postcards/

Of course these people are exceptional and we can't all be like them, but most people surprise themselves with what they can do. I hope this thread has given you some inspiration. I'm going to be leaving my 40s much stronger, fitter and faster than I entered them (I ran my first marathon at 47 in under 4 hours), and while there are some signs of aging you can't avoid (I've just started wearing reading glasses which is annoying though I'm glad to have them!), there is still so much potential and power.

Finally, studies consistently show that people actually get happier as they get older - there can be a bit of a dip in the 30s and 40s often due to the stress of parenting, but people report feeling happiest in their 70s.

My 40s were shit. However I came through the other side feeling a lot more confident. Got the perfect job too just before my 50th.

Vive la 50s!

Stop letting men tell you how you should feel. Hopefully your 40's will be the decade where you stop worrying about what men think and start to realise most of them are dicks - that was the best thing about the decade for me. Well that and I did a lot of travelling which was fantastic.

I give less of a shit about what capitalism and patriarchy wants me to.

It's very liberating. I was sad, too. Not for long, though.

Having older children so I can have more freedom to go and do things I want without needing babysitters. I even went to Yellowstone and stayed with friends without them in tow.

Started a degree.

Less good things involved losing my mum, dad with cancer, aching joints and weight gain - but at the top end of 40s. Early 40s were ok.

DS2!

Love this thread, in particular the variety of ways posters have made their lives for themselves in their 40s.

I'm 43, and so far my 40s are way better than my 30s in many ways. I finally landed my dream job against massive odds and after 20 years slog to get here, now earn a decent enough income for doing what I love. No longer any point thinking about biological children or not (turned out not). Was encouraged to go for a very quick promotion and feel valued and respected at work, and know that I am making a positive impact for the next generation.

My body feels more like my own in a way it hasn't since puberty, even with some of the joys of peri. I feel strong and happy to take up space, rather than podgy and apologetic.

My biggest cause of stress is Dh's mental health which has been terrible in his 50s. That hasn't helped with the feeling that life has been in limbo for a long time.

I now need to work on shifting my work-life balance back towards the life side as I've neglected that to get where I am at work.

My boss asked me in a review meeting recently what I wanted to do, and finding that out and heading towards it in the whole of my life is my new goal.

At 41 I left my abusive exH after 21 years together

Reconnected with an old flame from high school and we are both head over heels

Got a great new job

Bought exH out of the family house and now have a calm and happy home for me and DC.

My life pre 40s wasn’t all misery, I have two great kids, an interesting job, I travelled and partied a lot in my 20s - but the last 10 years of my relationship was really tough.

I used to think “life begins at 40” was something that old people said to make themselves feel better 😂 but now I genuinely believe it to be true. I feel happier than I have ever been, and I feel like I am becoming the truest version of myself.

No, really, that’s it. You can keep going but basically from now until your 90’s it’s all a bit grim and depressing. No reason to smile or laugh. Just stay in and watch telly. You’ll be surprised how quickly the tears go by that way. Good luck.

Yes! Split from a selfish disloyal ex, had a baby 18 months later, awarded my PhD 3 years after my baby was born. I have enjoyed much of my 40s. Starting to get my own life a bit more sorted now (single parent) good career, have my own house. May be able to buy something slightly bigger in another few years. I have largely completely disengaged with social media and feel much better for it.

Enjoy!

Bought a forever home. Got a massive pay rise.
Been on loads of holidays.
More confident in myself.

Just, why?

Nope. Started bad and is ending bad. A decade of looking for help for my youngest child, dropped out of OU as I couldn't juggle it all, far more anxious and self conscious, painfully aware it's all downhill and nothing to look forward to on the horizon.

Fabulous woman :)

I got married at 40 and had my kids at 41 and 43! So quite a lot!

This thread is a tonic. I'm in tiz at 42 over whether you leave my well paid job and retrain in something I'm v passionate about. Feeling super motivated by all your brilliant posts x

I took a gap year, travelled the world, came back and got a fabulous new job.

I was finally able to seperate from my abusive stbxh, that's a good thing.