Cheeky Fckers

[thisisasurvivor]

I had a work trip on mon and Tue

Tue was a 12 hour day and was up since 4 working

My friend text at 9.30pm to let me know she needed to drop her soon uo at 8am
The next fcking day to be looked after

I text back that I was not even home yet

She didn't respond

7.40am next day knock on door
She dropped her son off

I was so angry/tired/ bewildered to go bat shit

SHE DIDNT TEXT AFTER TO EVEN SAY SORRY OR TO THANK me

I'm so done with letting this shit happen

Sorry I just need to vent

Next time she asks I need a firm response

No doesn't seem to work as she has been known to come up anyway and say she has no one

I'm a single parent and I work from home

She has dropped her kids to me many times while I work from home

Fcking cheek

She has many sister in laws who can step in wt f is she still as this utter shit

Send this to her husband and parents as well as her…
just reminding you that you owe me $x for holiday club last year, $x for pizza, $x for babysitting weekly through the holidays and feeding your kids and $x at double time for dumping your kid on me at NO NOTICE when I had just returned from an international trip. I will no longer be accepting babysitting without payment in full and taking payment in full IN ADVANCE for future services. I will not take your child until I obtain a signed and witnessed copy of this contract of agreement.
I agree to pay @thisisasurvivor :-
$x per hour for baby sitting
$x per day if meals included
$x per day if excursions included
All damages to my property and person as well as medical expenses incurred will be paid for at the expense of the hirer. Should property or vehicular damage involve insurance excess, I will incur the cost of this.
Should @thisisasurvivor miss paid employment due to responsibilities involved in caring for your child, I will incur these costs.
Add extra legalese… she will head for the hills.

Aren’t you a little ray of sunshine.

She's treating you like thus because you're letting her. Say no.

Is she even a friend or just a ‘mum’ friend you met ay the school gates? Do you do anything together?

It is not that you are allowing it to happen but you need to have the phrases that others use to stop this behaviour occurring. So intervene now give her a ring, or text message and say the childminding is "not working for you". No pleasantries such as "maybe another time" or "next week" say "like I said it is not working for me" if she gives you a come back. She may well get angry, confrontational , cry but they are manipulative tactics to promote guilt within you.

And yes I'm a fcking softy

Your choice, OP

It doesn't really matter what message you send; she won't care about the inconvenience to you, only her own, so best cut this predator off and get on with your life without worrying about what she does

The thing about CFs is that they have the thickest hides imaginable. You always have to say - clearly and unambiguously ‘No.’

It’s also best not to get into a discussion about that No. It’s like negotiating with a toddler: just don’t. Simple, clear messages.

No. I can’t babysit.

No. I am not available.

Don’t pussy foot around with apologies or explanations. Just ‘No.’ repeat as required.

You're angry with her for taking advatage of you, I get that. But this takes two, after the first time when you agreed to do it again she recognised what she had in you. As others have said, this isn't friendship so you're not risking anything. I woudl get out in front of it. "I'm messaging to let you know that I won't be looking after your children anymore. Although this sounds harsh, you need to be aware that this will be the case even if you don't read or reply to this message letting me know that you recieved it, or if they show up on my doorstep I will simply not answer the door. I'm saying this because I can see that I haven't been clear with you previously."

Excellent 👌🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

She is. Not a good friend

I'm sending it via email to her and the hubby

Just trying to figure best way. To put it

Ffs

How did I get to be such a walkover

You need to be firm. This person is a CF, clearly giving her details of how inconvenient it will be for you is not enough. You have to say you can't drop him off, no need to give a reason just say no. If she turns up don't answer the door.
Stop being a doormat for these people

OP, you are braver than you perhaps believe yourself to be. You escaped an abusive relationship. That takes courage. Putting this CF non-friend user in the bin should be easy after that. But it seems that you may not yet have escaped the people-pleasing ingrained feelings and habits of your abusive relationship. Read and re-read this thread. Let it soak into your psyche and tell the CF to get out of your life forever. You’ve had many great suggestions for wordings. You deserve to and are allowed to say NO MORE. You can do it. We’re rooting for you!

Be angry about this morning. Tell her it was one step too far and it broke the camels back.

I wouldn't say that the OP's response was weird: she simply expected her friend to be reasonable and to have the common sense to understand that she was in no position to look after the child when she clearly said that she was not even home yet.

ETA I agree that just saying "No" would have been better but I totally understand the OP's thinking.

I hope you get the results you need from this.

I like this message. It gives notice and gets the point across. All the people suggesting angry, or argumentative, or rude texts are wrong. If OP hasn't clearly said she is unable to provide any childvare and said no clearly enough then the CF friend is possibly unaware of how much it annoys her.

I am a lone parent and I can't believe the balls of your CF! I mean seriously how brazen! I really hope you also get your money back.

The plane on the tarmac is neither here nor there. Just this sentence is enough:

I can't look after him tomorrow, you'll need to make other arrangements

'I'm working, not childminding. If you drop them off I'll call social services for abandonment of children. In the meantime, you owe £££ for past childminding.'

Then take them straight back home

And block

Unless there was a definite Yes then it shouldn't be assumed you can dump off your child if you're a decent, caring mother and not just a grifter.

It’s sort of bullying as well, nobody minds helping out in an emergency but she is really taking advantage. The resentment just builds up in this sort of situation and it’s not so easy to be one step ahead of someone like this.

When my future in-laws found out that I was a teacher it was a case of Whoopee, free school holiday child care! I made a point of not being home at the start of the school holidays for about a year and they eventually got the message or, in their terms, that their brother had married a mean cow!

No, you don’t have mug all over your face, you are allowing this situation. You should have texted her that you weren’t home from work, had had two long working days and that it wasn’t convenient. If she still had the cheek to turn up, you should have answered the door and told her the same. She’s a CF, but if you don’t want this to happen, stop enabling it, set boundaries and stick to them.

This isn't mine but it's good.

Put your coat on before you open the door. If it's someone you're happy to see, you've just got in. Otherwise, you're on your way out so could they please go away.

Failing that, don't open until you know who's there. And invest in heavy nets so no one can peep in. She'll get the message.