Cheeky Fckers

[thisisasurvivor]

I had a work trip on mon and Tue

Tue was a 12 hour day and was up since 4 working

My friend text at 9.30pm to let me know she needed to drop her soon uo at 8am
The next fcking day to be looked after

I text back that I was not even home yet

She didn't respond

7.40am next day knock on door
She dropped her son off

I was so angry/tired/ bewildered to go bat shit

SHE DIDNT TEXT AFTER TO EVEN SAY SORRY OR TO THANK me

I'm so done with letting this shit happen

Sorry I just need to vent

Next time she asks I need a firm response

No doesn't seem to work as she has been known to come up anyway and say she has no one

I'm a single parent and I work from home

She has dropped her kids to me many times while I work from home

Fcking cheek

She has many sister in laws who can step in wt f is she still as this utter shit

People will treat you how you allow to be treated.

Firm up those boundaries. Make your statements clear, not ambiguous. You didn't actually say no so on her cf mind ita fine to drop him off

She is off all next week and knows I am working
The decent person would say - I owe you 5 days childcare let me take them for you
Or even a day or two !!!

OP, have you actually asked her for help next week? You do seem to expect her to sense what you are thinking without telling her a lot of the time.

She may be a cheeky fecker but she’s not a mind-reader!

No I can’t mind feckerboi today
I’ve got financial issues, please pay me back the £xyz holiday camp money you owe me from last year ASAP and the pizza money of £ab for olderfeckerbois during half term.

You need to be clearer in you use of wording OP.
Your message from the plane was not clear and a CF won't be arsed to read between the lines.

I would have replied , "Sorry, can't help tomorrow" and left it at that.

This is the real question.

Weird, passive aggressive or evasive responses are pointless.

Just say ‘no. I can’t do that’. Clarity is important.

Put all of this in writing, make aist, rind her she owes you money, I suspect you also feed her kids when they are with you. Tell her. She has treated you like a skivvy, an unpaid servant. Tell her plainly to fuck off.

Come on, stand up for yourself.

@Myopicglass is right

The order of things should be

1. Send her a NICE text - hope you are having a good Easter, I really need that money you owe me - here's my bank debts could you pay it today please?
2. She will either not reply or have an excuse.
3. You wait til next CF text about dropping her kid. DO NOT reply yes or no. Reply simply "Could you transfer me the money you owe me?" Resend bank details. DO NOT say please or anything to hedge it or any reasons blah blah.
4. She might send the money or might up her game saying OP, why you being so weird, we are friends... I'm sure people on here would help you with responses, or you can just say yes we are- I'm just super skint and I know you'll pay me,being my friend.
5. If she pays you, or when yoi are sure she never will, then send a text saying "Thank you for paying me back. I need to tell you that I won't be doing any more childcare for you, I don't want you to drop off Archibald any more - I've been happy to help up to now but it's not working any more."
6. Ignore or bat back blandly any further communications from her. DO NOT explain or give reasons why you can't do it as she will try to "solve" for those reasons.

Thank you for this xxxx

Lol why don't you say what you really think 🤔

Your describe her as a ‘friend’?

She does not sound like a friend.

@thisisasurvivor So you still haven't text her to say no more childcare?!
Baffles me as to why on earth you have posted on here to be honest. I mean that with kindness OP. Stand up for yourself!

You also need to have a key sentence in your mind to keep repeating to yourself when you start freaking out that you're not being helpful enough. Maybe it's 'my own family is my only responsibility', 'I don't owe anyone free childcare' or 'I won't be taken advantage of'. Keep referring to this when you're enforcing the boundary.

I can’t remember where I read this, possibly on Mumsnet but I like it.

”Know your worth. You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served.” (Tene Edwards)

The time to leave the table is long past. Just get up and go metaphorically. This woman doesn’t deserve an explanation. Just tell her you’re no longer providing any free services and block. She is not your friend. No friend would treat you with such disrespect.

But at no point did you say NO. 'I am this and that is not NO.

just say 'sorry, I can't' and then don't open the door.

I mean she’s a CF but you didn’t say no and you keep agreeing with people saying you need to tell her no more childcare but you haven’t done it.

She’s not a friend, she’s a user and only you can put an end to it. Posting about her on here won’t change her behaviour so you have to change yours!

Say no. You have plans, need to go into work at short notice or anything you like but this ridiculous nonsense needs to stop, When she came to the door you should have said no sorry I am on my way out.

She’s off next week? Text her 9pm Sunday - I’ll drop the kids around 7:30 this week, thanks! Take your kids around 7:30.

1. If she pays you, or when yoi are sure she never will, then send a text saying "Thank you for paying me back. I need to tell you that I won't be doing any more childcare for you, I don't want you to drop off Archibald any more - I've been happy to help up to now but it's not working any more."

If you decide to follow the steps above the bolded text has to go. You are not happy. You’ve tolerated it at best, grinding your teeth in frustration. This allows her to come back with “why are you being so weird about it now?” Why sugarcoat it? She’s taking the piss and exploiting your weak boundaries. Say it how it is. Clear is kind.

You need to get the money back for the Summer Camp last year .
The pizzas -she's probably written this off (well I'm sure there was a 2-for-1 deal going on )

But whenever there are childcare threads , the number of people who bounce on with "Itemise the hours" and "Send her a Bill"
The Law is there to protect- you aren't providing babysitting (which would be in the childs home) and you cannot charge unless you are a CM

I would look up the regs if someone tried to pull that one and think "Yeah good luck getting the money off me for that "

Money for Club
Maybe pizza
End of .
"I can't watch Archie , I have my own work to do"

I should not have answered the door
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True
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And yes I'm a fcking softy
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Right now I'm so pissed off with her
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I need to work 10-12 hour days to pay the current debt I'm in
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Fck that
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Her kids are not my responsibility”

Tell her then!

So why didn't you turn around and tell her you couldn't have him when she turned up on your doorstep? And why did you initial response to her text not just say "sorry I can't watch him". You need to give her a firm no otherwise she will take the piss.

It might help of you write “fucker”, we’re adults and you don’t need to not write the full word. It will help you find your anger.

You need to say no not explain why.

she is not your friend.

“I’m working very long hours which takes all my energy. Please do not ask me to look after X again as the answer will be no. Every time”

I agree with previous poster.

Send this text about your summer camp money

"• Send her a NICE text - hope you are having a good Easter, I really need that money you owe me - here's my bank details could you pay it today please?"

Whatever response you get back will shape how this conversation will go with her.

Everyone on here will help you with responses. She isn't your mate she's taking advantage of you. Friends don't carry on like this.

She owes you money too?? Well I would immediately ask for your money back, THEN say and also I can't look after your child anymore.

Say no and call the police that someone has abandoned a child on your doorstep