Cheeky Fckers

[thisisasurvivor]

I had a work trip on mon and Tue

Tue was a 12 hour day and was up since 4 working

My friend text at 9.30pm to let me know she needed to drop her soon uo at 8am
The next fcking day to be looked after

I text back that I was not even home yet

She didn't respond

7.40am next day knock on door
She dropped her son off

I was so angry/tired/ bewildered to go bat shit

SHE DIDNT TEXT AFTER TO EVEN SAY SORRY OR TO THANK me

I'm so done with letting this shit happen

Sorry I just need to vent

Next time she asks I need a firm response

No doesn't seem to work as she has been known to come up anyway and say she has no one

I'm a single parent and I work from home

She has dropped her kids to me many times while I work from home

Fcking cheek

She has many sister in laws who can step in wt f is she still as this utter shit

What is with this awful expression ‘use your words?’ OP is not a child.

Are your children friends? Would your child want a reciprocal arrangement? Is your child even home when she sends her child?

Just send a simple text. Firm but polite.

I am unable to provide free childcare as I'm too busy. Just a reminder too that you owe me £xx for last summer's holiday club and £xx for the pizzas. Do you need my bank details?

Don't keep putting off the text or she will be at your door again , and will probably keep banging until you cave in , because that's what you've said you're like . We all know it and she knows it .

I suppose she is a bit self absorbed and understands your reactions and communications as you "don't really mind".

If you want to cut her off, you can, but you can see whether it can't work with a bit clearer communication. You can take it as helping her, because she doesn't understand soft clues (I'm not sure I'd understand the tarmac message myself as "no", it sounds to me as joke "I just hope I'll be back with this bloody delays"). You can cut it any time, so you can take her as an exercise as well.

Definitely ask about the money, the "checking my accounts" is a great way.

And, maybe just the next time answer no, and see how it goes.

Decide for yourself what annoys you the most - is it lack of reciprocity (and would you like some?), too high frequency, being taken for granted, lack of respect... And see whether you can fix it or not.

In future the responses need to be 'do not drop him off tomorrow, I will not be looking after him'. Yes, a friend would realise from your text 'oh god, she ll be wrecked tomorrow, this won't work' but here's the thing - she is not your friend, she is a user

You need to be direct, to the point and absolutely 100% clear in your communication with her.

@Darkdiamond brilliant post.. I find I’m either feeling guilty because I’ve been assertive and said no, or I do it to keep the peace but then I’m cross with myself for being a mug.

She is a CF. Liberate yourself from her CF ways 😘

I feel for you, it's hard when you're a nice person to say no, you feel you need to have an excuse and your df knows you're available as you wfh.
It's easy for pps to tell you what to say but actually saying it out loud is difficult.
There has been a good few ideas posted on what to say though and you can do it by text as she's texting you so you won't have the awkwardness of doing it face to face.
I'd wait until she actually asks you again then text back with one of the suggestions from pps, rinse and repeat.
I don't think you'll need to block her as you probably won't hear from her again, you'll have outlived your usefulness.
Good luck!

But you did not say "no,can't do it". I'm reading this as "can't chat now as on a plane" but not as "no,I'm not looking after your child".

If it was me, I would refuse until she paid me what she owed me for the. Summer camp. She'll pay up then, because she won't want to lose her free child care.

Then the next time she asked to look after the sprog, I would say that she owes me a considerable sum of money already for all that childcare, so no.
And present her with a bill.

All these people who are suggesting excuses as to why you can't do it are well-meaning but not helpful. It gives her grounds to push back and find ways to get round your reasons. It also makes you look half-hearted.

If you think about it if someone just says, 'no I can't' it sounds much more forceful than, 'well it won't really work because I'm on my way back from the airport and I'm working a full day tomorrow etc, etc.' which just sounds woolly and indecisive.

As for paying for her holiday club, what were you thinking? When people ask you to pay for them remind yourself that every penny you give them is coming out of your children's mouth. It may help you to be more assertive.

Your reply did sound like you were ok to do it.
You needed to have said that you would not be able to do it that day.

What sort of work do you do? Does it involve online meetings or anything?
Do you ever need to go into the office?
Is your kid also there?

I’d send her a message saying you can’t look after her kids whilst you are working anymore.
You can say that you’re doing more online meetings or they’re expecting you to go into the office more or something.

The absolute worst thing that’s going to happen is that she’ll fall out with you - which would prove what a user she is and benefit you because she won’t ask you to babysit anymore.

I think a lot of 'problems' would be solved if people just accepted that it's okay to put yourself first and other people second. I don't mean in a nasty or unpleasant way but if you don't look after your own needs no one else will.

OP, it's really fine to say "Please don't ask me to look after X again, I have more than enough on my plate with work and my own children."

have u set any boundaries yet though - you are fuming and hoping she picks up on your cues but she's hard nosed and either ignoring the cues or oblivious? Just text Hi CF - heads up I will no longer be able to have your son so please make other arrangements.

Your friend is a CF but I couldn't be friends with someone like you either. You never know where you stand with people pleasers. Look at how bitchy you're being but you've never actually had it out with her. You need to work on being more upfront or it will keep getting you into situations like this.

CF - 1
Idiot with no backbone who then moans - 0

How have you put up with this for so long?

Why didn’t you just say, ‘No, I can’t have him’?

You need to get angry with yourself for putting up with this, as well as her.

Tell her that you are no longer willing to look after her child anymore and she needs to make alternative arrangements.

I had a friend who took the piss, in a very different way. When I decided to say ‘No’ to her, I knew that would almost certainly end the friendship, and it did. I did feel angry and hurt that she treated me so unfairly for saying No, but that quickly turned to relief not having to deal with her manipulative shit anymore. It’s ultimately really freeing to lose people like this from your life.

I agree with the others that you just need to use actual words.

Instead of ‘I’m not even home yet’, you text back ‘No. I can’t look after your child tomorrow. You will need to make different arrangements.’

If she turns up at 7.40 on the doorstep, you say ‘I can’t look after your child for you.’ And you don’t look after the child.

Any time she asks you can just say ‘no’. You don’t need to explain or justify or whatever. You can just say ‘no. I can’t do that for you.’

If the friendship is contingent on her using you as childcare, it’s not really a friendship.

I’d send @Foodieasfuck message

then if she doesn’t get it and asks you again, reverse it back on her. Say wow I was just about to text and ask you to have John tomorrow.

Sane with any other favour she asks for. Eg a loan, oh I was hoping you could loan me a hundred quid.

she will very soon stop asking

Absolute madness. Get your boundaries rock solid. Stop paying for stuff for her when you’re in debt as well.

Why didn't you say "No, don't drop him off, I can't have him tomorrow"?

Why are you so scared of saying No? Why keep quiet and invite all the drama on your doorstep?

People treat you how you let them.

So do you still have the child??

Take him back to her house

Have you told her clearly you're not doing any more childcare for her, and never to bring her dc to yours? Do it now while you're still annoyed. Use the anger to set the boundaries.

OP you seem like a decent person, which is why your ‘friend’ is taking the piss.
Don’t worry about offending her. She is fairly thick-skinned so unless you say a very confident no she will carry on.
I am guessing here, it is possibly she has lost all the good will from her family.