Cheeky Fckers

[thisisasurvivor]

I had a work trip on mon and Tue

Tue was a 12 hour day and was up since 4 working

My friend text at 9.30pm to let me know she needed to drop her soon uo at 8am
The next fcking day to be looked after

I text back that I was not even home yet

She didn't respond

7.40am next day knock on door
She dropped her son off

I was so angry/tired/ bewildered to go bat shit

SHE DIDNT TEXT AFTER TO EVEN SAY SORRY OR TO THANK me

I'm so done with letting this shit happen

Sorry I just need to vent

Next time she asks I need a firm response

No doesn't seem to work as she has been known to come up anyway and say she has no one

I'm a single parent and I work from home

She has dropped her kids to me many times while I work from home

Fcking cheek

She has many sister in laws who can step in wt f is she still as this utter shit

@thisisasurvivor

We need an update. ASAP.

For those who don’t understand how it gets this bad, it’s called the “puking buzzard syndrome.” You stuff things down trying to please everyone. Finally there is no more space to stuff anything, so it erupts into a vile stream of puke. It really isn’t sudden. It’s built up over time so much that you can’t contain it anymore.

Good for you, OP for finally allowing yourself the freedom to put yourself first. I escaped a violent environment and completely understand people pleasing to stay safe. You try to make yourself as small and invisible as you possibly can to stay safe. Yes, stepping outside those parameters is scary. Don’t give her power over you. Take your power back like you did when you got out of that abusive relationship. Kick this one to the curb and find people that will respect you.

Why don't you say you can't do it rather than complain to strangers.

So you’re putting your own children in childcare but then looking after hers for free, during working hours?

You don’t need wordy emails or polite texts, just ‘no’ will do, no excuses, excuses give her something to negotiate with. Now you might think a simple ‘no’ looks rude and you don’t want to come across as rude BUT the alternative is being a doormat, and being perceived as rude is 100 times better than being a doormat.

If you can’t bring yourself to just say no, then try ‘no, I’m afraid that isn’t convenient’ but never, ever say sorry or apologise.

One word - boundaries

Waiting for the update. You'll feel so much better once you don't need to deal with a total pisstaker.

Two letters OP!

N. O.

This thread is turning weird.

LTB pitchforks rising.

OP, if you still read this thread, don't worry about it too much, just so what you want when you want.

Don't answer the door. Just don't. Kid is not your responsibility and she's neglectful. The next time she dumps him on your doorstep, call social/policeand tell them someone has left a child outside your house. She is not your friend, you are her door mat.

Point out that you cannot provide childcare and will have to contact the Police for Child Abandonment in future.

Her behaviour is so unacceptable that she is probably not worth keeping as a friend.

Tell her NO

Not sent the email yet

I have it typed

I was going to text in the morning that wfh now on is totally wfh with no kids in the house sadly and leave it at that

I don't want her to try to pander to favours etc

I just can't do it ever again

And yes
Walkover
No boundaries
Spineless

All the words used on here are fair enough
But at least I did try to help her and it backfired

Lots of great advice

Some posters don't need to be so cruel but hey ho there you go 😝😘😘😘😘

I wouldn’t take those comments to heart. People on beee can be brutal and some seem to be the complete opposite to you where they would kick off over any tiny thing. Yes, you have let yourself be vulnerable but that is why people like your friend get away with it - they figure out who is vulnerable, who is extremely kind and their weakness and then they manipulate them and take whatever they can. Dont feel bad about yourself because someone else took advantage of you.

Now if the time to put yourself first. Be clear, be firm and don’t allow any wiggle room to get you to change your mind. You can do this. You were kind and she took advantage of it.

Good luck with your contacting her. Stay strong.

So true @TurnTheTap

And I love this site so much because I am clueless about so many thing and have needed it to be spelt out ti me so many times

So many great bits of advice on here 👌🏻🙏🙏

It's weird I always give my childminder around 4-5 days notice of the days we need childcare and I pay them

Giving me less than 12 hours !!

And not even pay etc

God it is baffling

But hey ho

Live and learn 👌🏻

Let us know the response please.
I am glad you found a way to address things that is comfortable for you.

God that's even worse - you pay a Childminder to look after your DC to enable you to concentrate on your job.
Not to free up space in your home for her child !
You have a relationship with your CM based on respect for her and her professionalism for which you pay .
Your CF Friend sees it as a "favour" as in her opinion it isn't really impacting on you , give him a film and a bag of popcorn.
Its not even as though he's there to play with your kids !

Did you post about this a few months ago? You were advised then to put a stop to it. I hope you find the strength to do so now.

I'd say as @Rattai has suggested and if she's agreeable to pay you the going rate and also pay for a childminding course then say OK I'll draw up a contract..... which you can add stipulations I.e what she can and can't do eg cancel at the last minute as its breaching contract and will need to pay a full day's care etc the list could go on on and on it's up to you how you word it but tell her in no uncertain terms that you won't do childcare for free or be having her take the P*ss any longer... hope you get it sorted

I also asked this question @Apolloneuro
but didn't get a reply.

Seriously @thisisasurvivor , It’s really not that hard to send a message. It doesn’t need all the humming and hawing over it to sculpt it into some literary work of art.

You don’t want to look after her kid anymore so tell her. She isn’t a mind reader.

Not everyone finds this stuff easy. Give OP a break, she’ll get there on her terms.

She's a user, she doesn't reciprocate in a quid pro quo way, calling this a friendship doesn't really justify the description of someone who is a brazen taker. I think when you came on here to vent, she'd literally pushed her luck too far, you sound tired and stressed. Don't let yourself be used like this, the solution ultimately lies with you, but stick to your guns. What kind of shitty person borrows money off a struggling single mother, when as you say, there are two incomes coming into her household. Honestly, she's not worth a light.

Can't believe OP is paying for childcare for her OWN kids while minding this CF's for free. All while working.

OP, seriously!