To expect DH to shut the fuck up now?

[Shutupnow111]

I fucked up the other day, I accidentally caused a leak through the bathroom and into downstairs. My bad, I accept it was my fault. This has caused an issue with our electrics not surprisingly and now we have no working lights in the house, just lights everything else fine.

Is it annoying? Yes. The end of the world? No.

I have taken responsibility for this and am already in touch with an electrician and will pay for the repair myself (separate finances) but my GOD will my husband not just drop it?

It's fucking annoying me now. He has to bring it up about 10 times a day, how he's annoyed, how it was stupid, how I'm paying for it (never said I wouldn't?!) Like just shut the fuck up now. It's done and I am sorting it. It was a mistake.

Aibu to expect my husband to shut up now It's getting sorted? I accepted a bit of moaning at first because it's not ideal I understand but Jesus Christ enough now???!

I agree, it’s a strangely angry response, but I’m guessing that the poster was trying to make the point that there’s nothing particularly “male” about this kind of behaviour… In my experience women are just as likely to be this - one close family member springs to mind!

So, yes, the OP’s DH is being an arse, but an arse who just happens to be a man.

Or just a common or garden variety arsehole. But either way he’s not a kind person and certainly not a good partner. There’s a difference between annoying behavior and mean/cruel behavior. This is the latter and that says it all.

Change your tactics from now on in. Each time he mentions it, turn the tables on him and start asking him questions about himself, so he’s on the defensive.

”Why do you feel the need to bring it up so often? Yes it’s an inconvenience, but you’re not out of pocket, or having to fix the issue, so why do you feel the need to try to make me feel bad? Is something else going on?”

”I’ve given answers and apologies to all of your previous comments. What’s new that you’re feeling the need to bring this up again?”

”You’re really struggling to let this one go, aren’t you? Why do you think that is?”

”It was a big mistake on my part, but you know that it was a mistake, not intentional. Why do you keep trying to punish me for it?”

If he keeps repeating his points,

”Yes, you’ve made those points several times and I’ve responded. What further information do you need that you haven’t had already?”

If he mentions it in front of other people.

“You’re the 100th person he’s told. It’s his favourite story right now. Huge mistake on my part. I’ve really beaten myself up over it. Don’t worry, though, I’ve arranged to have it fixed and we’ve agreed it should come out of my pocket”.

Sound sad and sorry when you say it. He will look all kinds of awful in front of people!

😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

I made a stupid mistake a few months ago and it ended up costing quite a bit to fix. We had that in savings, luckily, but it meant that we now can't do some of the other things planned for this year.

At no point did DH blame me, despite it 100% being my fault. He told me to stop apologising, that it was a mistake and that it was done now so there was no point talking about what I'd done, we just had to focus on how we could fix it.

I also overheard him telling someone about the work that was getting done and at no point did he say "Because Char did this..." but didn't mention any blame. Don't want to say what it was because it could quite easily be outing linked with other posts but say it was a leak he didn't say "Char left the bath on and the ceiling caved in..." but "We had a leak in the bathroom and the ceiling caved in." When I asked him about telling people it was me he said that it could have easily happened to either of us so it doesn't matter who did it.

Your husband needs to accept and move on. You didn't do it on purpose, you're sorry and you have taken steps to fix it.

I can understand he was angry initially and complained. However he needs to let it go now and let you get on with repairs. Id be telling him holding a grudge is not attractive and especially so when it was an accident. He's a numpty.

If this is a 1 off mistake yanbu but if you have a track record then I can sed how it would get frustrating, but what is he going to achieve banging on about it.

Things like this are banter in our house so everyone gets told and light hearted teasing starts immediately and continues FOREVER... but it's lighthearted and stops if its ever too much.

My DH is super kind about stuff. I'd be upset, especially the narky financial comments.

I'd be assessing my future as people don't change.

Wow
Your "d"h is meant to be your biggest supporter not your biggest critic!
What an arse !
On holiday I completely scraped the side of the hire car - it was bad - every panel !
I was devastated and dh was so lovely- he hugged me ,told me it was an accident and we would sort it out.
At the airport when returning it he dealt with it all and quietly paid the damages without a trace of irritation or blame.
I would seriously rethink if this is how you want to live your life .

Accidents happen. There's no need to continuously go on about something especially when someone is clearly sorry and is fixing it. Next time your husband makes a mistake I suggest you go on about it at length!

I'd have turned that whole conversation round on him.

Obviously your thought process was skewed. In that moment. You knew that very quickly.

He's had days to "understand" that and he still can't.

He's the one who is clearly a bit thick.

He's a knob, and expecting for you to pay for it separately is a dick move too. You're married, and you're also human- unless he can say with certainty that he will never ever make a costly mistake around the house.

Depends on whether or not you do the same to him when he screws up.

Or whether this sort of stuff has been done several times before where it didn't quite lead to disaster.

If it is a one off accident then of course he is being unreasonable.

It might be worth asking him why he feels the need to go on and on about it. Accidents happen.

Maybe he won't have a good response. Or maybe he will refer back to the time when he forgot to get you an Easter egg and you went on for a month about it.

I think this is the way to go now.

"We had a conversation last night because he said again he would get over it when he could 'understand what my thought process was'??"
Avoid using the phrase 'understand what your thought process was' when you question him, though. He'll just have a strop if you do and ignore the questions, and you need him to HEAR those questions. He needs to start questioning himself!

TBH, if this isn't his normal behaviour (I'd expect you to have mentioned it if it was) I'd be wondering what was underpinning it now.

Eroding your relationship by being a prick to you is going to cost him way more at the solicitors than a bit of rewiring. Tbh I’d have considered divorce over using the big light anyway. It’s a cardinal sin if you’re a northerner. I wouldn’t know from one year to the next if my lounge big light wasn’t working.

My husband has form for breaking things (dishwasher, toilet flush, toilet seat, my alloy wheels, sentimental ceramics..) Guess what? 5 minute rant about it and then we get on with working out how to sort it. Together.

If you were ill why didn’t he draw you a bath?

I'd have probably snapped by now and said something like 'because you're perfect and never make mistakes....'

The continous "what were your thought processes " comments from your partner stood out and would have me reeling. This is, at best, unsupportive and, at worst, just plain nasty.

YANBU! I know my DH would have s little grumble to start with but then as he's more of a forward thinking person that would be it and he'd be onto fix it mode afterwards. I hope you repay him in mind next time he slips up!

I’d laugh it off. Whenever my DH says he’s the better driver, I remind him that I’m not the one who’s reversed the car into a car park wall…three times 😂

DH and I were long distance for the first couple of years and only saw each other on the weekends so we really had to evaluate what was worth spending time arguing about and what could be laughed off.