To expect DH to shut the fuck up now?

[Shutupnow111]

I fucked up the other day, I accidentally caused a leak through the bathroom and into downstairs. My bad, I accept it was my fault. This has caused an issue with our electrics not surprisingly and now we have no working lights in the house, just lights everything else fine.

Is it annoying? Yes. The end of the world? No.

I have taken responsibility for this and am already in touch with an electrician and will pay for the repair myself (separate finances) but my GOD will my husband not just drop it?

It's fucking annoying me now. He has to bring it up about 10 times a day, how he's annoyed, how it was stupid, how I'm paying for it (never said I wouldn't?!) Like just shut the fuck up now. It's done and I am sorting it. It was a mistake.

Aibu to expect my husband to shut up now It's getting sorted? I accepted a bit of moaning at first because it's not ideal I understand but Jesus Christ enough now???!

He's being a jerk. This is by its very nature an accident. He's lacking in compassion.

I mean nothing, but not every single thing we say in life is meant to achieve or accomplish something is it? A leak that has rendered the electrics faulty, a matter of days ago, is probably going to be complained about for a few days/until it’s resolved because it is an annoyance, and depending on the person some people are bothered by housey issues more than others.

He sounds a bag of fun and kindness to live with 🙄. Does he never make a mistake? Does he have parents who endlessly berated him for his mistakes?

if he carries on I’d just totally ignore any comments he makes and say nothing in response. Not very mature but you’ve already expressed how you feel about his comments.

I would guess he's quite insecure. A secure man wouldn't bahave like this.

He seems very fixated on you’ve got to pay for it. Is he normally like this about finances?

If you can afford it, I would suggest to him that he goes and stays in a hotel for a few days (nothing posh, just a Premier Inn or something). Then you can put it to him that
a) he stays and stops moaning about something you now cannot change but are in the process of fixing,
or b) he goes to a hotel, doesn't have to be reminded of it for a while and you get some peace and quiet!

I've been in your situation and it's not fun I found that I stopped even being sorry about it due to the constant moaning and blaming.

Tell him he either shuts up or the next time he fucks up you will be giving him the same treatment... And mean it.

If it makes you feel better, I've done this - twice.

Net result is that DH has pretty much taken full responsibility for running baths for DS now and if I do have to do it I set myself a timer to go back and check it. Probably should have learnt that lesson after the first time.

However, other than occasionally gently mocking me DH doesn't say anything about it. (He was a bit WTF the 2nd time but I was much more upset than he was, he mostly sighed and fetched the towels)

An accident is an accident. He needs to shut up about it now.

(You’ve not just tripped the mains lighting circuit have you?)

I drilled through the downstairs ring main trying to put a shelf up. DH was cross for about 5min. I phoned an electrician who came and fixed it. Hasn't been mentioned again. He sounds awful.

My DH occasionally does this, not for days but a little while after. After the first couple of conversations, I literally reply with ‘yes, you’ve said’ and don’t engage in any other conversation. Rinse and repeat, yes you’ve said.

Actually hoping it hasn't been checked and OP can do a magic trick.

Yeah I think there's a limit to this really and he's gone way past what's reasonable. DH crashed my car a few years ago (his fault technically but he drove into a wall in a car park, not dangerous driving or anything). I expressed some initial annoyance but then I dropped it, as I would hope he would do if the situation was reversed. I had to sort the repair out too because the insurance was in my name.

My DH would be the same, if he does something wrong it will be sorted and I should 'not worry about it' (Argh). If I do something wrong it's a disaster, even if I've got it sorted (and he shouldn't worry about it) . I think it's a man thing.

YABU. He sounds pretty awful.

I hate to think how he'd be going on if he was having to pay for it.

Remind him that, as my very wise woodwork teacher used to say, “the ones who never made a mistake never made anything “.

No, it is not a man thing. It's an asshole thing.

Dh and I will both beat ourselves up when we make a mistake (we know we shouldn't, working on it) but we never beat each other up (or the dc).

Devils advocate - does he fuck up a lot and you 'reprimand' him? Could he perhaps feel like 'finally, something she's done wrong that I can hold over her'?

I agree. It’s not kind at all. Suggest you look straight at him and say ‘im
fixing it. You can’t fix your personality- you clearly aren’t coping, i can live without ceiling lights but not with this miseryguts you are so go pack a bag and stay somehwhere else till it’s fixed, I’ll text you when that happens. I’ll pack your bag if you don’t, I’m very serious. Now I have to go call the plumber and say take me off the priority list, so I get some recovery time from you.

next time he tells someone slowly, exaggeratedly, add a tally on an imaginary whiteboard next to you ‘1,672 people I’ve told today my wife fucked up’

We all make stupid mistakes. Nobody means to. A husband and wife should support each other and accept we are all human. You won't do it again.....🙂

It's probably fair enough to gently take the mickey when talking to others - but constantly berating you is unsupportive and pointless. He needs to STFU and get on with things. God forbid he ever makes a mistake.....

This.

The whole point of a relationship is you support one another when stuff happens and work together to sort things out. At least it is in my book. Otherwise you may as well just be living on your own.

I flooded the bathroom as a teen, leaked into the garage onto the electric board thingy for the house. My parents are not exactly lovely, even they didn’t bring it up every five minutes.

Why is he putting you down to other people he should be lifting you up

They make handy alarms for people with sight loss to alert them when the bath is near overflowing if that helps?

Remember something he had done and started mentioning how idiotic it was every 10 minutes until he gets the message