To expect DH to shut the fuck up now?

[Shutupnow111]

I fucked up the other day, I accidentally caused a leak through the bathroom and into downstairs. My bad, I accept it was my fault. This has caused an issue with our electrics not surprisingly and now we have no working lights in the house, just lights everything else fine.

Is it annoying? Yes. The end of the world? No.

I have taken responsibility for this and am already in touch with an electrician and will pay for the repair myself (separate finances) but my GOD will my husband not just drop it?

It's fucking annoying me now. He has to bring it up about 10 times a day, how he's annoyed, how it was stupid, how I'm paying for it (never said I wouldn't?!) Like just shut the fuck up now. It's done and I am sorting it. It was a mistake.

Aibu to expect my husband to shut up now It's getting sorted? I accepted a bit of moaning at first because it's not ideal I understand but Jesus Christ enough now???!

My ex was bad for this too. If I ever did something wrong or make a mistake, it was constant going on and on and on. Just when I thought we'd got past it, he'd randomly come out with "I just don't UNDERSTAND how you could have..." and off he would go again. Change the fucking record, mate. It drove me mad.

He sounds mean and grouchy. He needs to get over it, you’re sorting it and in the meantime - candles. I dropped a massive candle down the loo once (long story) - completely wrecked the loo and needed a whole new one. Dripped down to flat below too. Partner was fed up for about ten minutes - then saw the funny side. Life’s too short.

Tell him you’re not sorry anymore and have started to save up to do it again just to piss him off

Ha - I know this, I actually advise people about assistive technology as part of my job, including things that prevent baths overflowing / alert you. I do appreciate the thought though (and they are very useful things - I use Alexa now to set reminders - it takes 6 minutes to fill the bath!)

After the first time I thought "I won't be stupid enough to do that again". Turns out I was.

I'm mostly quite an intelligent and functional adult, honestly. I just get a bit absorbed in things sometimes.

YANBU, why is he so mean? Sounds like a bellend. Everybody makes mistakes! My husband drilled through a water pipe just before Christmas and flooded the kitchen so we had to rip up all the laminate 🙈 Didnt occur to me to feel annoyed at him! He was more gutted than I was.

How boring.

It was a simple mistake. It’s fixable and you’re fixing it.

I think initial frustration / worry about how it’s going to be fixed is a normal reaction.

This ongoing nonsense is just using a mistake as something to berate you about.

Tell him that unless he has a delorian he can be quiet.

Does he apologise easily when he has messed up?

Is his life very boring that basically this is the most exciting thing ever for ever? Otherwise tell him to shut the F up and move on!

DH flooded the house recently. Pissing about with the plumbing even though he's not a plumber and I told him not to. Even though it was stupid and he was warned, I STILL didn't punish him or go on and on. H mentioned it more than me.

Partners do this; they quickly work to sort the initial emergency, work on the best solution together, and tell each other it's OK because everyone makes mistakes. They also don't have separate finances and bang on and on about paying for things separately so there's that.

We have both made stupid mistakes that cost money to sort out. Neither of us got angry with the other or kept going on about it, in fact we reassured each other that we're just human and everyone makes mistakes (and shared the cost!)

We love each other, we aren't keeping score!

My adult dd (accidentally) set fire to our house . We had an insurance claim of roughly a quarter of a million. We lived in temporary accommodation for a year. We did not go on about it after the initial shock. Although I still like to play we didn't start the fire by Billy Joel

Mistakes happen. You have acknowledged it he needs to let go. Maybe you need to play Calm Down by Taylor Swift

What was the mistake?

It's really annoying to have that happen. Let alone to have the other person just expect it to go away

Can we have that full story please?? Poor daughter! I hope she isn’t still feeling awful about it.

What was the mistake? Because how it happened could have an impact on how annoyed your husband is.

I must say, I’m not a fan of the “I’ve said I’m sorry, now get over it” approach. Sometimes it’s hard for people to forget things.

@WarshipRocinante

She accidentally left something switched on in her bedroom and went out. When she got back a few hours later the house was filled with thick smoke. She rang fire brigade. Who were amazing. Fire was contained upstairs but there was smoke damage downstairs. We lost about 80% of our possessions. We moved in with in-laws for 2 months then We lived in temp accommodation for a year while the house was emptied, cleaned and redecorated/restored . We got a payout to replace furniture/clothes etc.

She's fine and no one got injured (thankfully)

YANBU. He's a cock. If you can't expect basic kindness from your husband what the hell is going on?

I realised that I used to dread telling my partner when I'd done something stupid, lost my bank card or scraped the wheels on the car (we're talking over a number of years, I'm not doing this stuff on a regular basis) and it made me think how having a partner should be 'a problem shared is a problem halved.' I felt that it was the opposite. I had the original problem to deal with and then I had his reaction to deal with. Of course, when things impact both of you it's unrealistic to not expect a a shortlived or occasional moan, but if in general it's the opposite then what's the point?

I flooded the kitchen once (stupidly plugged the sink, added fairy liquid, turned the tap on, left it to fill up and forgot about it.)

This was about 15 years ago now and my husband still reminds me "not to flood the place" whenever he sees me doing dishes

The next time he makes a mistake mention it every 10 minutes.

Bloody great summary. You should come together in adversity, otherwise what's the point?

Not much of a team player, is he? DH would never financially put an honest mistake solely on me and then keep rubbing my face in it.

Couldn't be with this type of man personally, but he's probably not the worst of them sadly.

I'd be really cross with him going on about it repeatedly, you've apologised, your getting it fixed and paying for it, what else does he want? Why does he need to keep saying it, I'm sure you heard him the first time!

In the last year or so my DC have accidently broken my shower door, my window, a plug socket and a TV. All genuine accidents. Both very very sorry. Oh and my DS sat on the drain whilst in the shower and flooded the bathroom and kitchen 🤦‍♀️. I've never once berated them for it, despite being annoyed about the damage

Accidents happen,

Is he like this with other things cause it's a red flag isnt it

Sorry - I hit yabu with my fat fingers but didn’t mean to. He’s being an arse.

I did the same thing a few months ago and it was due to a slow draining issue! Fortunately, I don’t have a partner to berate me about it. How tiring that he’s telling every person and their dog.

Well, no. It’s a fair question. OP is saying that she’s accepted responsibility for it, has organised and is paying for an electrician. For him to refuse to help sort - both practically and financially - and to still be going on and on about it when it was a genuine mistake and the repair is in hand, is unreasonable. And he’s telling anyone who’ll listen what happened. His behaviour may not be abusive or gaslighting, but he’s not very supportive, to say the least, and seems to be enjoying berating OP repeatedly, so l think it’s certainly indicative of a wider problem.

No it’s not nice at all, but could you explain what happened a bit more if possible?