Partner went behind my back and bought a pet spider!

[reginaphalange321]

Just that!

my DP and I have been together around 2 years and still live separately although he does stay at my house most of the week. DP went behind my back and bought 2 spiders to keep as pets and the problem is myself and my 16 year old DD are terrified of spiders. The spiders are very small at the moment but one of them will grow to around 20cm and the other one is a jumping spider. We are taking about moving in together which would mean he would sell his property and move into mine as it’s closer to DD school and is a bigger house and has an extra bedroom. I asked my DP before he bought the spiders not to and he promised me he wouldn’t and even told me he phoned up and cancelled the order when in-fact he hadn't. at this point we were talking about moving in together as was only in January so he said he would get rid of them when this time came around. The problem is now that we are planning on moving in together and he thinks I am being unreasonable asking him to get rid of them and says he will keep them in a garden shed. AIBU asking him to get rid of them?

I have a Goliath Bird Eater...shes huge but very friendly...all these posts talking about stamping on them makes me really sad.

It’s her house he’s planning to move into, so yes, she absolutely can over-ride him. So an intense dislike then, she’s terrified of them. That’s enough for a partner to show some consideration, don’t you think? It’s not like he already had the spiders, he bought them knowing she would be upset.

Was just reading a comment yesterday from someone that went to pick up a hair scrunchie off their stairs and realised it was the neighbours pet tarantula that had escaped….. (((((shudder)))))

He ignored your wishes and lied to you. He needs to go. He's is neither mature enough nor moral enough for an adult relationship.

This.

It would make me question the basis of the relationship. He is not respecting your boundaries and blatantly lied to you.

Get rid of him.
Even if he keeps his own place and keeps his spiders there, he’ll probably let them run around all over him and he’ll lift them up etc.
Then he’ll come to yours and cuddle you etc and you’ll have spiderness all over you. 🤮
Get him to fuck.

Fuck that shit. What kind of weirdo keeps spiders?

Exactly. He's shown he doesn't give a shit about your wishes 🚩🚩🚩

I agree.

Not just lied to you, completely ignored your well expressed and valid opinion.

He chose spiders over you. I wouldn't let him move in at all.

Tell him to bin them. If he refuses, no way I'd move in with him and I'd consider breaking up because think about it... he's literally choosing a spider over you! Not a promising start to living together 😶

Also this!

Bit harsh. They're intelligent and fascinating wee creatures.

He's not just a liar, he's a weird liar.

He deliberately went out of his way to obtain spiders, knowing you were afraid of them, he didn't own any at the time, but decided to buy some after you'd agreed to move in together.
What the fuck is he playing at?

You can't trust someone like that.

If you let him move in with you, not only will they be moved in double quick, but there will be more things that push and push at your boundaries.

Really sounds like the best thing to get shot of this one. Unpleasant and weird.

This ... 100%

How long do they live? I'd tell him he can move in when his spiders are both dead! 🤣

No. It would be me or the spiders. No compromise.

If he chooses the spiders you’re well rid.

Tarantulas can live over 30 years! You'd be surprised how long lived some of the big arachnids are when there're no predators!

He's made his choice.

I guess at least he waved 16 red flags at you instead of just one.

No of course not.
As I said in a earlier post I like spiders but I am very well aware that a lot of people don't like them and some people are terrified of them. So putting a picture of one on a thread that many have stated their aversion to them just seems like a unnecessary thing to do.

So he wants to install a shed in your back garden to keep 2 spiders? He's clearly planning an entire beastie ecosystem.
I personally don't mind spiders, but he can't bring them into your house. What a joker. Guess he's not moving in then. I'd say that's definitely for the best.

@BaconMassive 😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP, the mere thought of a big old pet speeder that can fucking JUMP makes me feel like I am shitting myself out of my own skin in a flesh-lolly of abject terror. I don’t even like reading about them.

Since presumably you’re similarly terrified I don’t know why anyone who claims to care for you would inflict them as housemates on you. Yeah I can see objectively they’re cool and clever and I couldn’t hurt them but a phobia is a phobia so I’d also not be able to be anywhere near them. So if he knew they were causing me genuine distress, he couldn’t seriously be expecting them to live in my garden! It would be me or them, sadly. Dunno what he’s thinking!

So bully boy gets what he wants at your emotional & financial expense.
Fuck that shit.
He cannot move in. Ever