Partner went behind my back and bought a pet spider!

[reginaphalange321]

Just that!

my DP and I have been together around 2 years and still live separately although he does stay at my house most of the week. DP went behind my back and bought 2 spiders to keep as pets and the problem is myself and my 16 year old DD are terrified of spiders. The spiders are very small at the moment but one of them will grow to around 20cm and the other one is a jumping spider. We are taking about moving in together which would mean he would sell his property and move into mine as it’s closer to DD school and is a bigger house and has an extra bedroom. I asked my DP before he bought the spiders not to and he promised me he wouldn’t and even told me he phoned up and cancelled the order when in-fact he hadn't. at this point we were talking about moving in together as was only in January so he said he would get rid of them when this time came around. The problem is now that we are planning on moving in together and he thinks I am being unreasonable asking him to get rid of them and says he will keep them in a garden shed. AIBU asking him to get rid of them?

Fuck that, this would be a LTB moment for me.

Did you read the op ? @reginaphalange321 partner doesn't live with her ( yet ) and her DD is scared of spiders. The partner has bought 2 and intends to move them into @reginaphalange321s home . So yes she does get to pull rank on what happens in HER home

I like spiders and wouldn't have a problem with having them in the house but I would have a big problem with him going against my explicit wishes and the fact that he thinks it's OK to keep them in the shed , 1st it's not warm enough 2nd what happens if your DD wants something that is in there . Nope , not happening .

This isn't really about spiders, as others have said. It's about trust, respect and honesty. He's failed massively on all of those. That is not someone you should consider moving into your home. Once he's in, if when he decides just to do what he wants with no regard for you or your daughter, you will find it really difficult, both emotionally and legally, to get him out.

@MoveItAnLoseIt it's really inconsiderate and tone deaf of you to post a photo of a spider on this thread, given the OP has said she has arachnophobia. (Also the many pp's who have also posted that).

@MoveItAnLoseIt yeah but rats and mice are kinda cute too. I still don't want them in my home without my consent.

Erm I don't have a problem with them besides your not even living together so you can't tell him what to get in his own house I guess

Also OP, he sounds like a potential cocklodger anyway? Don't know the full details but you said he's selling his home and moving into yours. What's the deal there in terms of how much protection you and your daughter have financially?

His attitude over the spiders (would be the same if it was a dog or cat btw) shows that he has zero respect for you, your DD or your home.

Jumping spiders are awesome and freaking adoreable!!!

Some spiders really do have a long lifespan.

Jumping spiders up to 3 years

Tarantulas can live between 10-30 years, and some spiders that are used as pets as good for handling can live up to 40 years, so not a short term commitment pet

Obviously you're not going to move in with him now. He can live alone with the spiders. I wouldn't even keep seeing him after the lying though.

How nasty of a poster to put up that photo of a spider on this thread after many people said they had a fear of them.

You'd hate me.

I have spiders and rats 😂😂

Why the hell have you put a picture of a spider on a thread that many people have said they are scared of spiders on !

I’d get a really big shoe collection….

This just makes me think about finding one of the spiders in one of my shoes!

It's a thread that says spider in the title.

If you're scared of spiders why would you click on the thread 🤔

That's a good point actually from the pp - the shed would be too cold.

Don't you think he already knows that?

He's planning on having them in your house.
So there is yet ANOTHER lie he is telling you.
And another thing he intended to backtrack on.

I don't know if this man has an honest, morally sound bone in his body.

Cos it’s a picture and not a real thing. Honestly.

I am not keen on spiders but I do have a fondness for jumping spiders. I even had one and I will be getting another one at some point. They are very cute and have a lot of sass

Agreed, I have reported it and asked for the photo to be removed .

And yes, most pet spiders will require a heat source such as a heat mat.

No I like rats :)

I don’t mind spiders at all but a bloke who ignores you like that will be a pain in the arse to live with. Even if you could accept the spiders somehow (not that you should have to!) what will the next thing be?

A parrot is potentially the next forbidden pet 😬

Or a ferret, haven't decided yet but one day DP will come home and one of them will be here 🤣

Do you think it's going to crawl through the screen?

Some people are just hysterical.

Fuck that for a no.

Why would you move in with a liar?

Do NOT get one unless you live in a detached house with good soundproofing. And own a decent pair of earplugs. and have hands made of steel.