Am I being unreasonable to dread visits of my husbands sister

[JaneMumofTwins]

About twice a year we see my husbands sister and her husband. What happens is I get left with her and my husband finds 'manly' things to do with her husband. This would be OK if I found her company remotely agreeable but I don't. She is a stream of consciousness talker and a major hypochondriac. She talks over me continually and if she wasn't my husbands sister I would have no problem in just telling her to STFU, but I am hamstrung by family duty. I find her company so difficult I stop sleeping properly when she is in the house. I am sure she means well but I have endured 3 hours of her tedious boiler story and now she has underfloor heating issues I have completely lost the will to live. I have told husband that if he leaves me alone to deal with her again I will divorce him but I know that it will just repeat itself. How do I get her to shut up without killing her? Am I being unreasonable feeling this way?

Seeming as it’s only twice a year I would grin and bear it.

Make yourself busy with friends when they next plan a visit. Your husband can entertain his sister and husband and you can causally drop back in and out when you have energy.

Always have a place or thing you need to do with a time so you can cut her off and say ' sorry, I need to leave now and do xxx'

Or just actually tell her to be quiet. There are polite ways to say this. Her incessant talking about nothing is bad manners so don't feel too bad about telling her to button it

Just don’t be there. SIL sounds tiresome and my tolerance would be low too.
Suggest you are welcoming and kind but have things planned with friends or even extra work so you can get away from her.

Leave your DH to deal with his DS for most of the visit.

Basically this.
How long is this for? A day, a week?

If it’s longer than maybe a day, then yes I’d possibly be busy for some of it.

You need to learn how not to listen. Switch off and think of other things while making vague agreeing noises at varying intervals.

I learnt the trick by having to entertain clients who used to bore me to death on all sorts of subjects (golf and football - all codes - pre-dominating) but I had to be polite as it was literally more than my job was worth.

Once calculated the amount of wallpaper needed for the spare room while listening to the MD of a major PLC going on about something or the other.

Unless you have to show proof of a penis to enter whatever activites they’re doing then go along with them to their ‘manly things’. Or make sure all plans are group plans.

That's sounds like a ball ache OP. Do they stay over or is it just a few hours visit? I'm assuming the former because you say you can't sleep properly when she's in the house. If it's a whole weekend visit could you not all go out for one of the days. Maybe suggest something she'll hate and that will put her off.

Your post made me lol and groan. She sounds exactly like an old friend I see a couple times a year. Last time she didn't catch a breath for a whole weekend. Was so fucking relentless until another friend just said "STOP TALKING". Brutal and I know she probably has serious mental health stuff, but it was impressive and worked for a few mins. Perhaps a gentler version of that? "Mary, would you like to watch something on TV? I'm all chatted out and really need some quiet time for a couple of hours".

How long do you actually spend with her during the biannual visits because if it’s just a few hours then I think you need to just smile, nod and ignore. Any longer and perhaps you can have plans on the same days so your DH can deal with her.

Enough's enough, don’t be there when they visit. Why are they stopping over, why can’t they visit for the day or stay in a bnb?

All these posters suggesting the OP be busy or make other plans. Bit rude when you know they’re coming to visit!

Develop a deep and abiding interest in the manly things (which do, tbf, sound more interesting than boilers - although are boilers not manly? So many questions...) and INSIST on being included in these manly things.
I want to know what the manly things are myself now having typed 'manly' five times. Spill the beans OP! (The manly beans). (Six times now). 😂

There is no way I would stand for dh pissing off with the bil so as to avoid his own sister. Not happening.

Just no to the manly outings. Dilute her company.

Otherwise, yes, rude as it is - I would not be home. Life is too short.

.

Why is it ok for the SIL to be rude by dominating the conversation and showing no interest in OP and for OP’s DH to dump his OWN SISTER on OP, but it’s not ok for OP to absent herself?

The sister should be coming to see her brother. The brother shouldn’t be running from his own sister.

Why do people feel its appropriate to bore the f out of people with their relentless crap. Your SiL is the one being rude to you so you are perfectly allowed to be rude back by saying that you have to do something else rather than talk to her. You might be doing her a favour by giving her a hint that her chat isnt up to scratch. And I bet your DH and her husband know how boring she is too and that's why they both do a runner as soon as they can.

She sounds like a Jane Austen character!

it seems a little unfair that your husband choses to spend time out of the house with his brother in law leaving you to deal with his sister. surely activites sould include everyone, otherwise whats the point of her coming to visit. i wouldn't stand for it, its HIS sister, HE should be present to deal with her.

This is your husband’s sister. He needs to step up. Why is he off the hook and away with the husband all the time? That is rude on his part and unfair to you. DH needs to get more involved in this for the next visit. Perhaps you should hang out with the husband and DH can have some special time with his sister.

Your DH needs to stop going off doing manly things whatever they are. Cheeky bugger that he is.

I must admit I have a very old dear friend who has become a bit like this. I have known her for decades and was delighted when she met a man mid forties and married. That’s what she had always hoped for. He is the most tedious dullard and she has morphed in to a version of him. She sends me very long messages about x that take forever. She went on about ham once for three whole days.

They stay for 4 days to 1 week.

Leave the country next time they're due to visit.

A WEEK???

Maybe she gabbles because she senses your contempt for her & she's nervous.

People generally know when you don't like them.

She's probably dreading the visits more than you.

Do you remember the picnic scene at Boxhill in Emma?

Emma is musing on one of the elderly widows in the party being tedious and makes a quip about how dull she is, which deeply hurts her feelings.

Later on Mr Knightly takes her to task for being a mean spirited and ungracious biatch.

He's right of course, and Emma is chastened.

OP - take note.

I'd just drink through it tbh