Am I being unreasonable to dread visits of my husbands sister

[JaneMumofTwins]

About twice a year we see my husbands sister and her husband. What happens is I get left with her and my husband finds 'manly' things to do with her husband. This would be OK if I found her company remotely agreeable but I don't. She is a stream of consciousness talker and a major hypochondriac. She talks over me continually and if she wasn't my husbands sister I would have no problem in just telling her to STFU, but I am hamstrung by family duty. I find her company so difficult I stop sleeping properly when she is in the house. I am sure she means well but I have endured 3 hours of her tedious boiler story and now she has underfloor heating issues I have completely lost the will to live. I have told husband that if he leaves me alone to deal with her again I will divorce him but I know that it will just repeat itself. How do I get her to shut up without killing her? Am I being unreasonable feeling this way?

Disagree. People should have some self-awareness. If they button hole someone and talk at them relentlessly about subject only of interest to themselves and show no interest in the other person at all, thats bad manners. So many people do it and I always think why don't you ask the other person a single question about themselves. If you're not interested in them why do you assume they are interested in you.

4-7 days for a visit is far too long! How far away do they live?

What happens is I get left with her and my husband finds 'manly' things to do with her husband.

Like what?

I would make sure that DH planned activities that were suitable for all four of you to do together. Or think of some yourself, and book them up.

I assumed you only had to see her for 1 day twice a year. In which case I was going to say yabu.

But 4 days to a week, twice a year is quite a bit. Why do they visit so often?

I think you should at least reduce by about 50%

Perhaps she dreads visting too.
Take some of the pressure off. Put on some music, or a film. People dont just sit there talking all the time do they.

God, this sounds horrendous, OP. You poor thing. Who the fuck talks about their boiler for three hours? I would die.

Your DH is being really out of order. Stop letting him bugger off and leave you with boiler-bore while he has his man fun with his mate. You do things as a group or she doesn't come. Clearly he knows how annoying she is or he wouldn't be leaving her with you. It's absolutely not on that's he's doing that to you.

Look, I love Jane Austen as much as the next person but behave.

Not sure where ypu have been for the last 300 years but we don't have to live like it's the 18th century any more. Things have moved on. We don't need men to "chasten" young women for speaking their mind, and it is possible to do so politely but firmly. We can even vote and own property now.

A week?? Jeez. Surely next time you will have a work crisis that means you have to go in after 3 days.

I would plan a lot of lengthy non talking group activities. Dune 2 is 2.5 hours long, for example. Or go and see a Shakespeare play. Or go for a long walk together? I find boring conversation is much more soothing when in motion.

Send them off to some sort of activity for the day and meet for dinner in the evening? Plenty of alcohol then plead exhaustion and an early night. I think most of my family believe I go to bed at 9pm and get up at 10am. Or learn to play bridge - you're not allowed to talk during the game AFAIK.

"Not sure where ypu have been for the last 300 years but we don't have to live like it's the 18th century any more. Things have moved on. We don't need men to "chasten" young women for speaking their mind, and it is possible to do so politely but firmly. We can even vote and own property now."

You want to frame Emma being told she's been a mean spirited cow, when she HAS been a mean spirited cow, as a feminist issue?

And yup - obviously we're all now entitled to sneer at socially awkward family members we rarely see, and to feel personally victimised by have to be bored by them for a few hours. Up the sisterhood!

Emma was a mean spirited cow but the point was that Miss Bates was her social inferior. If she was Emma's equal, Emma would be able to find her chat very annoying and say what she said with impunity. I'm assuming therefore that using "Emma" is not applicable here as social class is not relevant. I may be wrong.

And Austen is full of people that talk too much and say little of consequence and she takes a very dim view of those sorts!

Repeat everything she says back at her, word for word. If she trys to interrupt, keep talking.

Just either do the 'manly' things with your husband or book in lots of plans yourself - work, days out with friends etc. and leave them to it. His family, his invite = his responsibility to entertain them.
I doubt you invite your relatives to stay for up to a week and then leave your DH to look after them.

what if… she DREADS coming to stay, but was taught that a guest must always continue conversation so as not to burden the host? Half an hour in and she is listening in horror to the sound of her own voice gabbling about the boiler, but as you (to her relief) do seem to be interested, she moves on to under floor heating as a related topic.. all the time wishing that she too could have gone clay pigeon shooting or whatever it is… Could you not drag her out to something you are interested in? Preferably something noisy. Or insist that you all four spend a day playing bridge, I believe it is absolutely obligatory to hate each other whilst doing so.

If DH wants to look like the caring brother then he needs to act like one. He does the entertaining, by you leaving the house before him and his BIL if necessary.

YANBU. They need to stay no more than 2 nights.
have a word with DH , if he doesn’t want to entertain his sister ie not bigger off with BIL then they don’t come at all.

She is like this with everyone.

It's probably as much a trial for her as it is for you and that's why she goes on.

Other people's families aren't easy.

A flight or ferry away. Husband always has some kind of building or garden project on when they visit. He is a man who hates having nothing to do.

Just join in with the gardening or building project. Failing that take her to the cinema, or theatre, somewhere you can’t talk.

She talks over music and refuses to watch what we all like. She totally ignored The Gentlemen TV series, refused to even try watching it.

I'll send her to your house then.

Turns out the DH says she invited herself the last visit. He admits she is really hard work, even her husband says he has tried to stop her talking over people. Quite frankly if anything she ever uttered was even a little bit interesting or amusing I could cope but it's what my late mother called 'best end of neck' conversation. Mundane and as dull as ditchwater. I am not a nasty person an it pains me that her company brings out such rage. I am perfectly affable with people who converse, I just can't stand broadcast only types.

That’s too long for any visit!

Do you have friends you could arrange to do things with, maybe include her to dilute it?

And play “annoying comment bingo” in your head: it’s really satisfying chalking off the predictable mince irritating family members talk 😃

I have health issues that make me as useful as a chocolate teapot when it comes to physical work. Where we live there are very limited options for cinema and theatre.