Am I being unreasonable to dread visits of my husbands sister

[JaneMumofTwins]

About twice a year we see my husbands sister and her husband. What happens is I get left with her and my husband finds 'manly' things to do with her husband. This would be OK if I found her company remotely agreeable but I don't. She is a stream of consciousness talker and a major hypochondriac. She talks over me continually and if she wasn't my husbands sister I would have no problem in just telling her to STFU, but I am hamstrung by family duty. I find her company so difficult I stop sleeping properly when she is in the house. I am sure she means well but I have endured 3 hours of her tedious boiler story and now she has underfloor heating issues I have completely lost the will to live. I have told husband that if he leaves me alone to deal with her again I will divorce him but I know that it will just repeat itself. How do I get her to shut up without killing her? Am I being unreasonable feeling this way?

I would have a list of things that are planned that I would have to leave the house alone to do, the doctors, hairdressers, cinema (at least twice), supermarket etc plus a migraine or two as well. I would plan it so it broke the day into tolerable sections, no more than two hours of her company in one go.

I am nd. I struggle with my sil, I've told dh he is not to leave me alone with her.

And that's a short visit. A week is too long. Definitely too long.

Trapped is not a good place to be.

I had an aunt like your sister in law. Lovely kind person but boy could she talk. Forever and ever about shite this and that. Honestly that's very hard work for anyone to tolerate.

Eventually I realised that auntie would talk and talk but didn't care if you were listening or not, she would rattle on and on even when I closed my eyes and dozed during her monologues. I once left the room to get tea ready and I could hear her talking to me even though I wasn't there!

The only kind semi solution I could muster was to either fall asleep in her presence, or pretend to, or leave the room and get a bit of respite. It is exhausting trying to be social with someone like this, because they DON'T CARE about your response, or whether you are actually listening or not. I'm convinced that such people cannot judge the social signals at all, so the best thing is to mutter a few umms and aaahs, stick it out for a while then leave the room. And continue to do this over and over with longer spells out of the room altogether.

I left her magazines, and the TV zapper when I'd leave, but she often followed me out, not to help but to keep talking OMFG! I can laugh about it now as she died recently, but we all said that she must have Jesus's ears bent at this stage too.

Sympathies OP, sympathies.

The solution begins and ends with your husband.

“We’re no longer hosting overnight guests.”

He sticks around to handle his sister.

If he won’t do that, then I’d be unavailable during their visit. I’d book somewhere else to be, an air BNB if nothing else.

Your husband should be helping you with your sensory overload, not demanding you suffer for up to a week to accommodate his sister!

I think there are options.

2 nights max, at no point are you left as he goes off to do ‘man’ things or you follow him slavishly.
No overnights, they can find a hotel.
You go to a hotel for the duration.

She sounds like my mother, who Whittier’s on continuously, even when going to the bathroom, worse when she’s been drinking (every night). She wonders why I’d rather spend hundreds on a hotel rather than stay with her.

@Nurder

I wish people would stop saying nearly everyone is autustic nowadays all the bloody time,

Certain individuals are just frigging annoying and are are quite self obbessed regardless of whether they are autustic or not.

I find your post way over the top and very judgemental of @JaneMumofTwins predicament?

I can totally relate @JaneMumofTwins in that some people can be just far too exhausted 😩 and intense and emotionally draining to want or be able to spend that much time with them,
i know some like that and i have ended up having blinding banging head ache after spending time a few hours all day with them and they come across as needy and childish too,

Someone may have already suggested this but why don't you take her to the cinema or theatre? Will shut her up for an hour or two!

Typo omission mistake words exhausting someone

@cerisepanther73 errr I didn't?

Well it does sound really horrendous OP and I don’t know if I can suggest anything ore than other posters at all helpful, but if you don’t want to be driven out of your home, could you strategically develop a tooth or ear infection which would mean that you had to stay in your room most of the time, and when you emerged your head was wrapped in a large shawl (with head phones concealed underneath). I’m not suggesting d&v as that would involve a lot of acting and mean you couldn’t eat. Offer SIL a nice jigsaw to occupy herself, or suggest that she joins your DH and BIL to provide a helpful commentary on their activity.

Yes, it's horrible. Sending hugs.

I do sympathise with people whose neurodivergence makes such things hard but there should not have to be any reason for refusing to tolerate such behaviour on your partner's part. Phoebe Buffay's response is perfect here "I wish I could but I don't want to"

I suspect that laying down the law on this to her husband would magically diminish or completely remove the problem!

Loop earplugs are your friend here. See if you can get a sharpie to make them skin colored.