For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

[Anguish]

Asking for a friend. Why would he care either way? She has a low pain tolerance and doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way, which is why it's slightly out of character.

So....your argument is that a 46 hour labour is a good thing????
Basically you're lucky you managed to deliver naturally despite going against a doctor's advice. Things could have gone horribly wrong.
There's some proper handmaiding on this thread with women seemingly wanting other women to suffer pr not be allowed choices because that's what happened to them.

Vaginal birth not as sore as a lot make out. I've never had a Caesarean but I've heard it's very sore. It's major surgery plus recovery. After vaginal birth, you can go out for walks and drive straight away.

So you have no personal experience of what you're stating?

I’ve done a virginal birth

Sorry @Strictlymad, I know this was autocorrect but it made me laugh!

If you've never had a c section your opinion on the matter is irrelevant TBH.

Her body, her decision. I will say this, however, an epidural takes all the pain out of a vaginal birth, and cesareans take WEEKS of painful recovery. If it's pain she's concerned about, tell her to talk with her doctor about an epidural.

I've had three c/sections for medical reasons. I've never even been in labour.

C/S aren't the easy option from my experience, but I've never done it the other way so I don't know.

All I know is I was filled to the brim with painkillers for at least the first week. And that 20 years later, I still get twinges in my scar site.

A c section can be sore for a week or two but you get pain relief home so it's manageable. Plus you don't get haemorrhoids so there's always a silver lining.

I was totally pain free 7 days after my c section, and before that pain was entirely manageable with standard painkillers.

I was running 25mins 5km at 6 weeks post partum. You shouldn’t generalise.

This is such fear-mongering bullshit.

Are you "the friend " op? It's important that the woman giving birth, has the kind of birth that they feel comfortable with, as much as is possible

I've no experience of Cs, so no helpful advice there, my 3 viginal births were all very different, so probably no helpful advice there either.
All you / your friend can do, is opt for whatever makes you/them feel less stressed.
It has nothing whatsoever to do with dh, in this situation, his opinion is as relevant as mine 😁

I'm SO glad that was your experience.

C-sections can definitely be quick recoveries for some people. I was up and about the same day, minimal discomfort. Regretted trying running at 6 weeks due to lack of suitable support for the top half but was out hillwalking again at a similar timescale.

This is such snarky bullshit.

No, it was my experience, and my daughter-in-law's experience.

Yup. I dropped the butt end of a dinner knife right onto the nail bed of my big toe. The pain was like nothing I've ever experienced before or since. I gave birth a few years later and the knife/toe incident is still the worst pain I've ever been in 😂

It's just not true to generalise by saying c sections have worse or more painful recoveries. In doing so you minimise the experience of thousands of women who have suffered lasting injuries and problems from vaginal births.

You're not guaranteed a faster recovery if you have a vaginal birth. These things are largely outside our control.

@babytakemehome

I’m 1/3 who had a baby via emergency caesarean - my DC has autism, adhd, learning difficulties, asthma, allergies, eczema.

Of course other factors are at play in all of that. But I will forever wonder how much the birth contributed.

Then there’s the scar tissue/adhesions, bladder issues I’m left with.

I realise it saved our lives and I’m grateful. But I wouldn’t have chosen it if not needed due to the above.

My DC born vaginally has multiple issues. My DC born via c section has too. I doubt the birth has anything to do with it either way, most of that sort of thing is genetic.

@Yulona

I did say other factors would be at play.

However, there is a link between autism and the immune system (many develop autoimmune disease of some sort at a later point) and obviously asthma/allergies/eczema linked to the immune system.

So I will always, personally, feel a sense of regret that the caesarean had to happen preventing the normal set up so to speak.

Of course you are entitled to your own opinion, and I'm not a HCP. However, your case is exactly the reason why many opt for an elective C-section.
An emergency C-section has worse outcomes than both an elective and unassisted vaginal delivery. At that point, things are already going wrong. So you were already one of the unlucky ones. Add in the scramble for an operating team in our understaffed, underfunded system, hardly a recipe for success, is it?

Neither method, ELCS or vaginal delivery guarantees anything. It's about your own opinion and risk tolerance. You could have had a similar outcome no matter what your delivery method and wondering 'what if'.

With that in mind, it's about what you can tolerate. I wouldn't be able to handle hours and hours of labour neither do I have any confidence in emergency medical resourcing. At least with a planned C-section the staff are available, if not you just wait.

Again, my opinion might change as I research more, but other people's experience aren't a scientific basis for forming a conclusion. Besides, DH and I both ND (ADHD and autism between us) so if there's anything wrong with the kid well it's probably genetics. But we knew that risk, or we wouldn't have chosen to even try and reproduce anyway.

A C section is safer for baby. I had both and if I ever had another baby it would be C section every time. I was up and about later that day. Able to shower the next day. I wasn't exhausted like I was with long labour and vaginal birth. Also no cutting for episiotomy. A no brainer.

Autism is genetic, so how on earth can a c section cause it?

There are research papers on 'links', but as we all know, correlation does not imply causation...

I'm not quite sure how the voting works but the person giving birth is the one to decide how they do it.

All he needs to do is support the decisions she makes, to be there, and to make sure he does all he can to make things as easy as possible.