To feel a bit jealous about this woman and DH?

[pinkmushroom5]

My DH has just had a very small promotion at work. It's been expected for a while and not a particularly big change from his current role, really. We went out for a drink to celebrate but no one did any cards/ gifts as it wasn't a huge thing (he didn't have to interview or anything like that).

But today I've noticed a card on the mantelpiece which is from a female colleague who is his junior, he sometimes talks about her in a friendly way but I didn't think anything of it. But the image on the front of the card is of a very specific hobby that he does in his spare time - she must have sought out the card from Etsy or something because it's not something you'd get on the high street.

Inside is gushing praise about how 'delighted' she is and how well deserved it is along with a little doodle of herself.

It's the only card he's received.

Is there something going on here? I feel a bit weird about it but I don't know if I'm being overly jealous.

[bottomsup12]

Is she much younger than him? Either way sounds like she's sucking up to him because he's going places and it would help her career maybe.
Hopefully he doesn't go weird about this bit of flattery. What has he said about it? Does he encourage it?

[Whataterror]

You’re not BU for your feelings to be your feelings, but it doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything to it. If it were me I would thinking if anything untoward were going on then he wouldn’t be putting the card on display.

[pinkmushroom5]

@bottomsup12

Is she much younger than him? Either way sounds like she's sucking up to him because he's going places and it would help her career maybe.
Hopefully he doesn't go weird about this bit of flattery. What has he said about it? Does he encourage it?

I think she's a bit younger yes and certainly way below him in the chain of management at work. She might be sucking up a bit, I don't know.

I haven't said anything to him about it because he's at work today and I only just noticed it - but also I don't want to be unnecessarily weird about it.

I do get a bit jealous sometimes (after previous bad experience in relationships) so I actively try to keep it in check and not worry too much about friendships. But this just made me feel weird.

[MerryChristmasToYou]

Trust your gut.

[KalaMush]

I think a card on a promotion (even a small one) is ok and nothing to worry about. I would keep an eye on this though - just in case!

[ScaredAndPanicky]

Id be more worried if he had tried to hide it. Putting it on display he probably hasn't even thought twice about it. I tend to give cards/small gifts to people even if they are just feeling down (male or female).

[Dacadactyl]

I wouldnt like it either, but I'd not say anything.

I would however keep an eye out.

If there was something going on, I can't imagine he'd be brazen enough to put the card up.

[ViciousCurrentBun]

Well him putting it on the mantlepiece is a good thing as he isn’t trying to hide it. Most people like flattery. Are there women who pursue married men, well of course there are. It just depends on the man’s responses. I would be watchful of any changes in him. Call me an old cynic but seen too much crap my sisters and friends have been through. I myself had a great male friend of a decade at work. Until DH and I had a rough patch and the friend made a pass. I told DH.

[pinkmushroom5]

She also went to him crying a few weeks ago because she was under a lot of stress at home. He was supportive because that's who he is and he would be a good manager in that situation - afterwards she was gushing with thanks and praise etc.

I guess I'm worried she feels like they had a moment and is feeling close to him. I don't know. I'm uncomfortable with it and that the card is so specific as well.

[MerryChristmasToYou]

If there was something going on, I can't imagine he'd be brazen enough to put the card up.
Hiding in plain sight?

[MoonWoman69]

You've already said you have jealousy issues from a previous relationship, that you're trying to keep in check. So try not to project that onto your husband in this situation. My feeling is that if he had anything to hide, you wouldn't have seen that card at all.
Have you had any concerns about him in the past?
Maybe it's just that he is just chuffed someone had the thought to get him a congratulations card. Because it sounds like nobody else made the effort!
If you do want to question it, start a conversation and open with "I see "Sophie" sent you a card, that was nice of her wasn't it?" See his reaction, if you're still not convinced/happy, continue it on from there.
Of course, you're guaranteed to get posters on here that will straight away say "trust your gut" and "LTB" without even considering the bigger picture! 🙄
Good luck and keep us updated 🌹

[TealHelper]

She has a crush on him. A man giving a woman emotional support is an aphrodisiac for her and men are so supportive when she's pretty. It's textbook boohoo my home life is so awful. White knight offers hanky and shoulder. Lil helpless miss oh i must pay you back how about a little date....you are so nice and perfect... white knight feels 10ft high....comes home to: empty dishwasher, take rubbish out, im too tired for sex. Then oopsie affair aka real love.

[LadyTiredWinterBottom2]

A doodle of herself ?

He hasn't tried to hide it but l would be telling him to be careful not to give her the wrong impression. She could get shitty if she doesn't get her own way.

[Somethingsnappy]

Honestly? I think she may have some feelings for him, possibly. It doesn't mean he feels the same too though.

[Smartiepants79]

The issue would not her behaviour but his. Maybe she has got a bit of a crush or something. All that matters is how he responds.

[HebburnPokemon]

I'd feel a bit weirded out if one of my reports did this tbh. A group effort - lovely. An individual - erm,,,no.

[Candleabra]

Yeah this is weird. If i received a card like this from a colleague I wouldn’t display it on the mantelpiece, not because there was something going on but because I’d be embarrassed that there were obvious feelings there. I’d also be very careful to be totally professional at work and shut down any escalation.
Your husband isn’t an idiot, he knows this isn’t normal. He’s flattered. Hiding in plain sight is right.
If you challenge him on it I bet you’ll get a load of bluster about how ridiculous you’re being.

[JimBeamCoke]

It sounds quite forward from her. I assume he has made her feel comfortable enough to do this unless she is very brazen!
A card for a supportive boss getting a promotion isn’t cause for concern but a very personalised card seems like they have quite loose personal boundaries. Perhaps putting it on the mantelpiece is him trying to normalise it. I think it would be fine to say it was nice of her to get you a card but maybe raise concerns if he thought there was more to it based on the content.
P.S. I want to see the doodle!

[KreedKafer]

This isn’t something that would bother me on its own. Obviously if there’s a whole lot of other context, that might be different, but just a nice card is pretty innocent. I definitely have colleagues who would do this kind of thing without it meaning anything more.

[LiveLaughCryalot]

Yeah, that's weird and overstepping on her part I think us, a doodle of herself?? Wtf?
I'd take it down and see if he mentions it personally and I would definitely be keeping my eyes and ears open.

[Tessa00]

I worked with a woman who used to suck up/buy gifts for male management. She very obviously flirted with them, despite them being married and you could see they loved the ego boost. This sounds similar but if you trust him I wouldn't be too worried

[IncognitoMam]

@LiveLaughCryalot

Yeah, that's weird and overstepping on her part I think us, a doodle of herself?? Wtf?
I'd take it down and see if he mentions it personally and I would definitely be keeping my eyes and ears open.

This.
I can't believe so many think yabu!

[cannaecookrisotto]

I wouldn't overthink it. I can't see him putting it up on the mantle piece if he had anything to hide.

[lul1]

I would say she fancies him.

Nothing to say your dh feels the same way. He's probably not even read inside the card TBH.

[ZenNudist]

No reason not to trust him but certainly be wary of her. This is mega creepy behaviour. I'd be telling him he needs to keep her at arms length.