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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel a bit jealous about this woman and DH?

108 replies

pinkmushroom5 · 27/03/2024 12:26

My DH has just had a very small promotion at work. It's been expected for a while and not a particularly big change from his current role, really. We went out for a drink to celebrate but no one did any cards/ gifts as it wasn't a huge thing (he didn't have to interview or anything like that).

But today I've noticed a card on the mantelpiece which is from a female colleague who is his junior, he sometimes talks about her in a friendly way but I didn't think anything of it. But the image on the front of the card is of a very specific hobby that he does in his spare time - she must have sought out the card from Etsy or something because it's not something you'd get on the high street.

Inside is gushing praise about how 'delighted' she is and how well deserved it is along with a little doodle of herself.

It's the only card he's received.

Is there something going on here? I feel a bit weird about it but I don't know if I'm being overly jealous.

OP posts:
Mumof2teens79 · 27/03/2024 19:29

He's put it on your mantle peice.
You can trust him

MerryChristmasToYou · 27/03/2024 19:40

Better gen up on The Script, @pinkmushroom5 .

DaffodilsAlready · 27/03/2024 19:40

This on its own would not really bother me, to be honest, but this is because I have a (lovely) junior colleague who just gushes over everything. It’s just how she is. The doodle wouldn’t bother me either as my DD and her friends do that in cards all the time. And I have also been in tears on a male colleague’s office - I know his wife as well and have done for years.
I would be more concerned if your DH started behaving out of character.

Merryoldgoat · 27/03/2024 19:45

I am not at all jealous but this would pique my suspicion.

I give my boss the odd card and send the odd meme. Nothing very interesting or deep other in the message. If I want to thank him for his support I email him a professional short message.

Drawing a doodle and gushing praise feels oddly intimate.

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 27/03/2024 19:54

I think it’s metal detecting.

Toothbrushh · 27/03/2024 22:07

pinkmushroom5 · 27/03/2024 15:02

It's just a silly doodle of herself that she has drawn next to where she's signed the card at the bottom.

I don't think they share the hobby. It's outing to say what it is, but it's quite specific and I'd be surprised if he's found someone at work who also does it (and he proabably would have mentioned it if he had).

Show quote history

SAY THE HOBBY

Janehasamane · 27/03/2024 22:10

I think this is your jealousy talking. Is there anything you can do to get yourself under control? Would counselling help if it started due to previous relationships or have you actually always had this issue?

Janehasamane · 27/03/2024 22:10

Merryoldgoat · 27/03/2024 19:45

I am not at all jealous but this would pique my suspicion.

I give my boss the odd card and send the odd meme. Nothing very interesting or deep other in the message. If I want to thank him for his support I email him a professional short message.

Drawing a doodle and gushing praise feels oddly intimate.

Odd being the right word. 😂

Coldrains · 27/03/2024 22:17

I think you’re right to be suspicious. She sounds like she’s got a crush on him. He might well be clueless but chances are he’s bathing in the boost to his ego and she’s getting signals from him that it’s okaY to the extent she’s going on Etsy and giving him a card with a doodle of herself in it? How egotistical.

Tell him it’s making you uncomfortable and he better nip it in the bud now and be a little less friendly and helpful to her.

SabreIsMyFave · 27/03/2024 22:19

Keep a close eye on her @pinkmushroom5 AND him.

Branleuse · 27/03/2024 22:19

That sort of tobogganing sport they do in the Olympics in a big tube?

Crowgirl · 27/03/2024 22:31

Oh god, I used to sign everything with a silly doodle, from school and throughout my 20s, definitely my 30s. Probably only stopped after having kids as I don't send so much as have zero bandwidth. I definitely didn't only do it for special people though.

It could be totally innocent, it might not be we can't know but card in plain sight is a fairly good indicator that your husband isn't seeing these signs. Also her intentions don't matter so long as you trust him.

Merryoldgoat · 27/03/2024 22:34

Janehasamane · 27/03/2024 22:10

Odd being the right word. 😂

Show quote history

It’s odd because I don’t think us the word ‘odd’ very often in real life, just on the odd occasion.

🤣

BirthdayRainbow · 27/03/2024 22:35

Maybe I'm cynical but him putting it up doesn't mean there's nothing going on that shouldn't. Mentionitis in card form.

ofcourseyes · 27/03/2024 22:38

She has a crush, he is showing you the card so you can see that and he's not into her.

Gagaandgag · 28/03/2024 00:10

The doodle is just really odd. Like a mini self portrait?

CarrotCake01 · 28/03/2024 00:20

I don't know. Maybe something to keep your eye on but some people are just like that, in a harmless way 🤷🏼‍♀️ some people are really into doing little cards or buying spontaneous gifts for a friend or baking sweet treats as a thank you etc etc.
I think I'd be more suspicious if he was trying to hide tbh but who knows? I guess just keep an eye out

PoochiesPinkEars · 28/03/2024 00:35

If she's young and he's given her support, it's possible she's got a crush. Men can be quite oblivious to that sort of thing, my DH certainly can anyway, someone would have to grab him in the broom cupboard and snog his face off before he noticed.
If you think you have the right kind of relationship for this, I'd be tempted to tell him that it's worth him keeping clear professional boundaries in place when he's taking to her because people can develop feelings and it wouldn't be fair to blur any lines.
I know in my 20's I would have been vulnerable to an emotionally warm supportive guy boss... My life was sorely lacking that kind of thing and it would have been hard not to develop feelings. Doesn't mean I would have wanted to have an affair, but my heart was yearning for care from any source and someone keeping me at arms length would have helped!
I'm all good now, have improved my life immeasurably, from this new position I can see how vulnerable I was.
It would be wise and kind of him to keep his interactions strictly professional (can still be supportive boys). The card is a clue that might be needed and it's good advice for him and might be helpful for her.

Ledwood85 · 28/03/2024 00:52

I think she's simply going over the top with the congratulations as a career move. If he's on his way up then she wants him to remember who his friends are.

I have lots of first-hand experience of that kind of thing in my workplace, where relationships, politics and keeping the right relationships with your superiors is everything in growing your career.

I wouldn't necessarily think he's up to no good, giving a card is absolutely more of a thoughtful female trait - the blokes probably shook his hand or sent him an email at most.

LittleMissCantBeWrong1 · 28/03/2024 01:19

Talk to him. He’s your husband. Explain why you’re uncomfortable with it, you feel like it crosses a line.

Then see how it unfolds.

It’s probably nothing. I don’t really buy the whole “gut” thing because your head can play tricks on you.

Lwrenn · 28/03/2024 03:31

The card is nice, I'm massive on cards and wee gifts for people. I love it. 🙈
The doodle of herself? Nah, that's nuttier than Nutella.

I think friendships/good working relationships between men and women is fine as long as we all keep boundaries.
The doodle is pushing a boundary, making it to personal.

My dp was a manager when our older dc were babies and he had one lassie message him constantly about 10/11pm on fb. At first he tried to help her but it was clear she just wanted attention, which when juggling 2 under 2 all day as well as my own job, I wasn't exactly thrilled about.
Once he only spoke to her in work, made his excuses on fb, "sorry kids need me/off to sleep" and he only would chat with her about her worries in work she got bored and stopped looking for attention from him. I hope your husband is able to deflect her, she sounds like a pusher of professional boundaries.

Wattlemania · 28/03/2024 03:33

The woman is flirting. I thought this because of the personalised nature of the card (the hobby) and the doodle. I think a doodle of oneself is something cute to do for someone who wants to show a flirty and fun side to themselves.

I would pretend the wind carried the card away from the mantle (if near a sliding door) and get rid of it.

Imagine a man at work gave you a similar card with a card cover of something very personal you like to do and wrote a gushing message with a self-portrait. Would DH appreciate it if you displayed it openly on the mantle? Doubt it.

ineedsun · 28/03/2024 04:09

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. I’d probably send a card to someone I liked who had helped me / been supportive. If I was remotely artistic I might even do a picture.

I find it so odd that there are this many people feeding into the suspicion

tuvamoodyson · 28/03/2024 06:37

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 27/03/2024 19:54

I think it’s metal detecting.

I thought stamp collecting….is her name Penny Black?

hopscotcher · 28/03/2024 07:12

I wouldn't say there's much untoward on the basis of what you've said here - she could just be the sort of person who likes to send congratulatory cards. Perhaps she went to the trouble of personalising it because she felt grateful that he'd helped her when she was upset at work. If he had anything to hide, I'm thinking he probably wouldn't have put the card on the mantelpiece.