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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit jealous about this woman and DH?

108 replies

pinkmushroom5 · 27/03/2024 12:26

My DH has just had a very small promotion at work. It's been expected for a while and not a particularly big change from his current role, really. We went out for a drink to celebrate but no one did any cards/ gifts as it wasn't a huge thing (he didn't have to interview or anything like that).

But today I've noticed a card on the mantelpiece which is from a female colleague who is his junior, he sometimes talks about her in a friendly way but I didn't think anything of it. But the image on the front of the card is of a very specific hobby that he does in his spare time - she must have sought out the card from Etsy or something because it's not something you'd get on the high street.

Inside is gushing praise about how 'delighted' she is and how well deserved it is along with a little doodle of herself.

It's the only card he's received.

Is there something going on here? I feel a bit weird about it but I don't know if I'm being overly jealous.

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 27/03/2024 14:14

Bin it?

Blink1985 · 27/03/2024 14:15

Take it down after a few days and see if he notices/mentions it , if you have other decorations there say for Easter you could always say you were just taking things down after the holidays etc . The doodle thing is a bit odd , like she wants him to have a reminder of her or something ? Maybe you could send him in with a framed pic of you for his desk LOL. Or you could do what Ross in Friends did when Rachel got the promotion , he sent in the band singing “very soon you’ll be the boss and don’t forget your boyfriend named Ross”.

Haydenn · 27/03/2024 14:16

If he was shagging her he wouldn’t put a card from her up on the mantlepiece. I’d take it as proof that his virtue is intact

MerryChristmasToYou · 27/03/2024 14:21

If he was shagging her he wouldn’t put a card from her up on the mantlepiece.
I wouldn't count on that.

Swoopy · 27/03/2024 14:23

I think it's fine- if there were anything going on he'd hardly put the card on the mantelpiece.

I had a (female) junior who used to do things like this- some people just give a lot of cards.

TealHelper · 27/03/2024 14:23

Yeah some men double bluff i think is the saying... they do too much of the opposite to throw you off the scent but you'd have to know if he is manipulative type or just clueless, thoughtless man.
He definitely likes the gesture. The doodle is odd unless they are artsy? Inside joke?

WhamBamThankU · 27/03/2024 14:26

To be honest me and my boss are very close and discuss lots of personal issues, but there are absolutely zero feelings between us. I buy him and his kid Christmas/birthday/Easter gifts etc. It's possible they're just close colleagues.

fishfingersandtoes · 27/03/2024 14:28

Maybe she's just a really thoughtful person? Like, the Lesley Knope of their work.
I really like a lot of my coworkers & while I wouldn't be organised enough to get them a card, I do always big them up if they've had a win. Especially if they are also nice to me. I'm not sexually interested in any of them.

Toothbrushh · 27/03/2024 14:29

What’s the hobby

Dweetfidilove · 27/03/2024 14:49

What does the doodle of her represent? Them sharing a hobby, her smiling adoringly at him?
That's the bit that’s missing.

καλοκαλoκαιρι · 27/03/2024 14:53

pinkmushroom5 · 27/03/2024 12:42

She also went to him crying a few weeks ago because she was under a lot of stress at home. He was supportive because that's who he is and he would be a good manager in that situation - afterwards she was gushing with thanks and praise etc.

I guess I'm worried she feels like they had a moment and is feeling close to him. I don't know. I'm uncomfortable with it and that the card is so specific as well.

I think the fact your husband openly displayed the card, means you don't have anything to feel worried about. Best ways, this is someone wanting to show genuine affection and appreciation for a colleague who has shown them kindness/support. Worst ways it's someone with a little bit of a work crush or a doing a bit of clumsy ass kissing to try and score brownie points.

I was drawn to your repeated use of the word 'gushing' to describe this colleague's communication. Presumably your description of her after this event where she was upset as 'gushing' has come from the way your husband described it to you? Which suggests that it was something which made him a little uncomfy /felt was a little over the top also. For what it's worth, I think the fact he's communicating this to you means you don't have anything to feel jealous about.

Original poster
pinkmushroom5 · 27/03/2024 15:02

Dweetfidilove · 27/03/2024 14:49

What does the doodle of her represent? Them sharing a hobby, her smiling adoringly at him?
That's the bit that’s missing.

It's just a silly doodle of herself that she has drawn next to where she's signed the card at the bottom.

I don't think they share the hobby. It's outing to say what it is, but it's quite specific and I'd be surprised if he's found someone at work who also does it (and he proabably would have mentioned it if he had).

OP posts:
Kittenkitty · 27/03/2024 15:04

Some people like to give gifts, send thoughtful cards, bake cakes etc. Im a gift giver, especially food, if I notice someone eats a lot of snickers and then saw a limited edition flavour I’d buy them one and it means nothing. But honestly I’d feel a little bit jealous of the card too because I’m human but it really could be nothing.

coxesorangepippin · 27/03/2024 15:04

It's just a silly doodle of herself

^

Hmm, very intimate

Between that and the fake damsel in distress crying rubbish I'd say you have a problem

MerryChristmasToYou · 27/03/2024 15:12

It's probably nothing @pinkmushroom5 but:

  • he's mentioned her a few times (mentionitis?),
  • the card is crossing a boundary,
  • he has a 'hobby',
  • his promotion could excuse any change in behaviour,
  • the card is on display and is inappropriate (hiding in plain sight - look at how many who've said it obviously means there's nothing going on,
  • her stress at home (damsel in distress) etc.
καλοκαλoκαιρι · 27/03/2024 15:17

καλοκαλoκαιρι · 27/03/2024 14:53

I think the fact your husband openly displayed the card, means you don't have anything to feel worried about. Best ways, this is someone wanting to show genuine affection and appreciation for a colleague who has shown them kindness/support. Worst ways it's someone with a little bit of a work crush or a doing a bit of clumsy ass kissing to try and score brownie points.

I was drawn to your repeated use of the word 'gushing' to describe this colleague's communication. Presumably your description of her after this event where she was upset as 'gushing' has come from the way your husband described it to you? Which suggests that it was something which made him a little uncomfy /felt was a little over the top also. For what it's worth, I think the fact he's communicating this to you means you don't have anything to feel jealous about.

Show quote history

@pinkmushroom5 edit - sorry! in my last line i should have written 'worried' not 'jealous'. Jealousy is a natural human emotion and you should feel no shame in feeling it, it's how it's managed that determines whether it's healthy or not of course... but imo, in any case it's not for me or anyone else to tell you when you should and should not feel it based on one internet post :)

Shepadoodle · 27/03/2024 17:39

It's not something I'd get worked up about. Some people see a lot of value in cards. I'm not one of those people but I work with a lot of people who would innocently give someone a card like that.

Mydahliasareshit · 27/03/2024 17:51

Don't be surprised if the next thing you hear is that she has now decided to learn the hobby, and has asked him innocently to 'coach' her as he is so very brilliant at it.

terfinthewild · 27/03/2024 18:01

Talk to him about the way you feel and nip it in the bud now before it gets worse. If your instinct tells you it's fishy then it's fishy.

Laiste · 27/03/2024 18:15

The crying incident:

did DH tell you about that? I'm guessing so.

Did he volunteer it all in a 'you'll never guess what happened today!' sort of story? Or was it something which you had to sort of crow bar out of him bit at a time?

I'm trying to get a feel for if he's aware she's fixing on him a bit.

dutysuite · 27/03/2024 18:19

Wouldn’t bother me especially as he’d put it on display so isn’t hiding anything.

Deathbyfluffy · 27/03/2024 18:23

MerryChristmasToYou · 27/03/2024 12:42

If there was something going on, I can't imagine he'd be brazen enough to put the card up.
Hiding in plain sight?

That’s not a thing. People with stuff to hide do just that - hide it.

5128gap · 27/03/2024 18:36

No one on here can know if a woman we've never met has a crush on a man we've never met, or is sucking up to him, or is naturally warm and uninhibited, or is having an emotional or physical affair with him, or wants to, or whether it's reciprocal. Because when people spend all day at work in the company of other adults, any of these things can be true and without being one of the two of them, or at least a close observer, its anybodies guess. Your best clue here is your DHs behaviour. What does he say about her?

MerryChristmasToYou · 27/03/2024 19:16

That’s not a thing. People with stuff to hide do just that - hide it.
You'd be surprised.

JustJessi · 27/03/2024 19:28

It’s shady AF. A specially bought card. A little doodle of herself?! What kind of professional behaviour is that?