To consider having a child without a partner

[RegretMisery]

To think having a male partner and a child is more like raising two children than being an equal partnership? Having a husband seems like more hassle than it's worth.

[Haydenn]

I agree with you. Mumsnet likes a traditional set up though

[RegretMisery]

@Haydenn

I agree with you. Mumsnet likes a traditional set up though

And yet the bulk of posts here are women complaining about how dreadful their partners are and 90% of the comments are women telling them to leave. What's the point of having a male partner, do we really need them at this point?

[dreamygirl25]

I know someone who had a baby thru ivf and donor. She hadn't met anyone special but had always wanted a baby but was going thru early menopause. She couldn't be happier :)

[crumblingschools]

@dreamygirl25 what about the child? They will have the right to know who their dad is?
If you go down this route and have a boy, how would you explain it to them, that you think the male species is a waste of time, awful?

[RegretMisery]

@crumblingschools

@dreamygirl25 what about the child? They will have the right to know who their dad is?
If you go down this route and have a boy, how would you explain it to them, that you think the male species is a waste of time, awful?

I would raise him to be a good man, for a start

[boonr]

It's luck of the draw.

You can never tell what a man will be like when he becomes a father.
If he's even slightly selfish before having a child, then you can probably expect that he's going to be a shit Dad (in the sense of not helping, not waking up in the nights to feed/change the baby, won't help change nappies, won't help with the tidying, won't give up their old life, can't accept that it's changed and they can't just go out at the drop of a hat any more.

If you do get a good one though, that extra help is invaluable. It was HARD bringing my 2 girls up, and that was with a very good partner and a lot of family around me. I know plenty of women do, and I think they are absolutely amazing, but I would've had a really, really tough time looking after a baby without a partner.

[Lifesucksthenyoudie]

I say do it if you can afford it. I did ivf for both my girls with my H and it was a tough road emotionally and financially but I could have done it alone with the right support. No regrets is a good one here.

[bibliomania]

A good father is wonderful. I'm nearly 50 and even now, I value my dad's love and support of me.

Despite that, I made a bad choice of man to father my child, and both she and I are relieved he is no longer on the scene. I'm sorry she didn't get what I had, though.

Id rather go it alone than not have a child at all.

[toomuchfaff]

@RegretMisery

And yet the bulk of posts here are women complaining about how dreadful their partners are and 90% of the comments are women telling them to leave. What's the point of having a male partner, do we really need them at this point?

To be fair, most posts about anything are complaints... people don't tend to post when they are blissfully happy but that doesn't mean no one is happy.

[WithACatLikeTread]

It is quite nice to be able to share the load though. Single parents don't get to do that. I think you might be underestimating how hard to single parenthood is.

[WithACatLikeTread]

@RegretMisery

I would raise him to be a good man, for a start

It is better overall if a boy has a male figure in their life in an ideal world.

[WithACatLikeTread]

@RegretMisery

And yet the bulk of posts here are women complaining about how dreadful their partners are and 90% of the comments are women telling them to leave. What's the point of having a male partner, do we really need them at this point?

Love?

[RegretMisery]

@WithACatLikeTread

Love?

But at what cost? Men are a nightmare

[Mum1976Mum]

A friend of the family has just done this. She comes from a traditional Indian family and she is the first generation not to have an arranged marriage. Her sisters are both married with children (one to a white man, one to an Indian man)and she was 38 and hadn’t met anyone.

When she broached it with her father her fully supported her and said that every older member of the family who didn’t like it could disown them. No one did this and they all dote on the baby. Her father went with her to every scan and supported her through labour.

She is now blissfully happy and doing well.

[WithACatLikeTread]

@RegretMisery

But at what cost? Men are a nightmare

Might be best to make sure you only have a girl then because I can't see how your attitude to males isnt going to show to a son.

[WandaWonder]

To me it is not about you but the child, so no I wouldn't do it

[Alwaysallways]

YABU in my opinion. It’s one thing if a relationship doesn’t work out but permanently depriving a child of a second parent is something I would only consider in really limited circumstances. If you can meet a loving and dependable partner you should aim to. If you have time on your side you should try to do this before kids. I am pregnant so can’t speak of how difficult parenting is, but I know it’ll be no walk in the park and you will need more support (for you and the baby) than you can probably comprehend at this point.

[FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant]

@RegretMisery

And yet the bulk of posts here are women complaining about how dreadful their partners are and 90% of the comments are women telling them to leave. What's the point of having a male partner, do we really need them at this point?

There are plenty of good men but posting about them doesn't achieve anything. Nobody needs advice on their helpful partner so it'll always be swayed towards the crappy men.

[Alwaysallways]

@RegretMisery

And yet the bulk of posts here are women complaining about how dreadful their partners are and 90% of the comments are women telling them to leave. What's the point of having a male partner, do we really need them at this point?

People come on here to complain though, or to vent. You’ll see a lot more of that.

I don’t post that my husband cooks me tea and washes up every night since falling pregnant, just because I don’t have the energy to do it. Or that he cleans the house every week. I don’t post that he fills the living room with balloons on my birthday. Nobody will do a boasting post to say they were up all night with the baby but their other half woke up at 4am and took them out until lunchtime to give them a lie in, or that they were taken out for dinner. Married life can be blissfully happy and full of small moments that you just don’t report back about because you’re lucky enough that they just become the norm.

[CatCatCatCatCatCat]

Yes because being a single parent is a piece of piss 😏 it’s not just about you it’s also about your child who will grow up without a father. My kids don’t see their father through his choice and it’s definitely affected them and they are often asked why they don’t have a dad by other children at school.

[RegretMisery]

@CatCatCatCatCatCat

Yes because being a single parent is a piece of piss 😏 it’s not just about you it’s also about your child who will grow up without a father. My kids don’t see their father through his choice and it’s definitely affected them and they are often asked why they don’t have a dad by other children at school.

No one said it's easy, but it seems to me like having a partner is more hassle than being single.

[CatCatCatCatCatCat]

@RegretMisery

No one said it's easy, but it seems to me like having a partner is more hassle than being single.

No having a good partner isn’t more hassle than being a single parent, it might be more easier being single but not a single parent, I am one and no it isn’t easier than having a good partner, you're only seeing the bad posted on here.

[crumblingschools]

DH has an amazing relationship with DS, I would have hated to have deprived my son of that relationship.

[Toomanysquishmallows]

I was a single parent before I met my partner . I will be honest it was very tough. I had no one to share my daughter’s progress with , or to help if she or I was sick . I have had two children since with my partner, and it has been much , much easier.

[Sparklesocks]

It’s absolutely worth considering if that’s what you want. But I would definitely go in with my eyes open and fully expecting it to be difficult. It’s hard enough in the newborn phase when there’s two of you sleeping in shifts and taking turns, so by yourself is next level. And then things like when they’re little - thinking about who will watch them while you go to hair appointments/the dentist etc. or if you just need a break! But if you have support around you and you’re going in prepared (as you can be anyway) then definitely look into it.