Leaving children alone vs age you were left alone as a child

[WrylyAmused]

There are frequently threads about "what age is it ok to leave a child while I do ?"

I'm an 80s child, and I remember walking myself home and then being home alone from after school until about 6:30-7ish (so ~3.5 hours, depending how fast I came home from school), from age 8. Every day pretty much, because both parents worked. I was fine with it, and I could use the kettle, oven, hob, microwave, knives etc to make myself food, had my own key, no issues. It was about a 15-20 min walk from school to home. No mobile phone, obviously, at that time. And I'm an only child, so I was completely alone, and was fine with it.

By pretty much every measure I've ever read, there is actually less crime these days than there was, but our perceptions of risk levels are much higher due to the way reporting has developed.

I don't think many people would think it ok to leave an 8 yo alone for that long habitually these days. Even though I suspect many of us experienced it ourselves as children.

So:

1. What age were you first left alone for any length of time as a child?
2. What age do you think it's ok to leave children alone from these days?
3. What do you think the reasons for the difference in those answers are?

I was born in 78
I was never left alone regularly but on days I was off sick from school (never seriously ill) I was left at home all day- my mother was a teacher so not a particularly long day. From about 7 I think. She’d call at lunchtime to check I was ok. I was definitely at the sensible end of the spectrum and my mother felt she had no choice. My dad definitely didn’t! Anyway I was fine but I wouldn’t do that with a primary aged kid these days! We can wfh though so wouldn’t need to.

my kids are 10 and 8 and I’ve in the last year or so left them for short periods but not more than half an hour, the older one for a bit longer by himself if I need to taxi his brother somewhere local. My 10 year old is sensible and I def more comfortable leaving just him than leaving him “in charge” with his (also sensible) brother They both know to run to the neighbour’s house in an emergency and the older one now has a phone which helps a lot.

I think it’s hard to answer your questions directly but broadly

1. 7 ish
2. 10+
3. tricky. I think we are socially conditioned not to leave children these days.

there’s a lot of “it depends” though. Some kids are so much more trustworthy than others. I don’t think I’d leave my 10 year old for more than 15 minutes without a phone (he has a mobile now but we don’t have a landline)

It's so interesting this generational shift.
At 4/5/6 we played on the street for ages on our own until called in. Aged 7/8 definitely walked to school alone and then would be in my own for a bit (maybe an hour?). I used to make food and a cup of tea!
By 9 I used to spend weekends wandering around the neighbourhood with friends, we would go swimming, into the meadows, and by 10 was allowed into the city centre.
My parents didn't leave us alone at night much purely because my sister and I fought so badly (she once threw a knife at me and I threw my dinner over her head - she is a very well respected lawyer now 😂. In fact they would leave us alone if the other one was out!
I loved my childhood and the freedoms and adventures we had. There were issues (flashers, bullying, being beaten up a couple of times) but luckily nothing serious. I try and let my kids have some of the same freedom's but so many of their friends are locked indoors, their parents happy for them to be in screens for hours rather than outside. I work in mental health and fear for what we are doing to them.
The time alone builds resilience, independence, confidence and allows for adventures.

I was a 90s child, also an only child and I wasn't ever really left alone, never came home to an empty house either. My mum was a single working parent but my auntie lived round the corner and she was home so I would go round there after school and play with my cousins.

I'm also a single working parent but with no family help so on the contrary my own DS had to come home alone twice a week from age 11 at secondary school. Luckily I could wfh 3 days a week so it wasn't every day. In school holidays he went to a local holiday club until he was almost 13 as they allowed up to 12 years old. Then from age 13 he'd be home alone for 2 full days a week in the holidays.

I don't remember being home alone until Secondary age. In Yr6 I used to leave school and get the bus to after school activities though. But... my parents worked in London, weived in Kent. They were never home until 6ish, so it was too far and too long to leave a primary child. (90s)

With DH in the army, I've been alone with two kids for long periods of time. Out of necessity it started about 9/10ish.

Im probably not typical as I grew up in the 60's/70's in what is now known as a very dysfunctional family

3 of us girls and we were latch key kids from primary school

Parents would go out on a weekend night leaving us home alone - whilst all still at primary

Secondary school was a 3 mile walk and yep we did it ourselves

Mum left home when I was 11, eldest 13, youngest 8, we brought ourselves up. Dad was still around but often worked away. I remember one year he was up north for months, I was probably 13 as I had a paper round, three of us home alone for months and not an eye batted anywhere

Obviously we learned from a young age how to cook, use a washing machine ( well go to the launderette ) keep a house half decent , get the shopping, stretch the cash

Born 1959....I had a lot of time off school when I was 7 due to recurring tonsillitis. I was left alone in bed 8 am till midday while mum went to work. I was quite happy reading and having Lucozade!!

A - 4, I was walking alone back and forth to school from age 4, including going into the corner shop to buy sweets on the way home, and playing out for long lengths of time with friends.
B - 6-8 is better, due to height, being able to reach, more sensible, contact an adult, know the way home, less likely to panic with a scraped knee etc. Lower end of this I would leave if sensible and happy for a few minutes, upper end would be playing out within earshot and I’d let walk to useful local places eg post box, shop. By 11-12 I’d expect them to be navigating between towns, using buses and trains, buying their lunch and doing errands, going swimming or to gym/exercise/ for a run, going further afield with mates or into town bowling or clothes shopping.
C - the difference is that my parents were not good parents, and that people are more likely to judge now. The capability of children is the same.

I vividly remember being about 3/4 being left on my own while my mum left to go to the phone box. It felt like an eternity I was so scared.

To answer your questions (as I went on a ramble)

1. 5
2. 6/7
3. The rise in the knowledge of paedophiles. Though these numbers haven't changed we now know about them. If course most paedophiles access children in the home (and ironically the danger from strangers is now more likely to be through screens).

Also the rise in cars make it hard for children to play out.

I leave my 7 (near 8) and 10 year old alone for up to 20 minutes if I need to pop to shops / post office etc. They sit upstairs. They are told not to answer the door. I really disbelieve anyone saying they’ve never dashed out while leaving kids occasionally at home.

Not at 7 and 10, No! I'm shocked people think this is acceptable at all.

I’m a 70s child. I wasn’t often left alone at home, as I had siblings quite a bit younger.

I do remember supervising my siblings though, in ways that might be unusual now. For example, when I was 10 we visited a relative in hospital a lot, in a city about an hour away.
Children weren’t allowed on the ward, so I remember always taking my two year old and four year old siblings off for hours. I found a nearby playground for them to play, gave them a picnic lunch, took them to the local shops for ice cream and sweets, ranged for hours around the hospital corridors.

Nowadays, my 11 year old might take a younger cousin to the park for an hour, but certainly not for hours at a time, not more than one, and not the under fives!

But on the other hand my grandma was taking a two year old and a new baby out for the whole day armed with bread and dripping and a bottle of cold tea at age 5 herself.

Just because something happened when we were young doesn’t make it right or OK.

I genuinely didn't until he was about 10. When you are a young, poor single parent you're more likely to get reported to social services for doing these things so you have to do it by the book.

I think I was probably around age 8 or 9, which is the same age I started letting my kids stay at home for things like me popping to the shop.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Just because you were left home alone at the age of 7/8 doesn't mean it's an ideal situation for children.

Children that age are not developmentally capable of handling an emergency situation on their own. It is categorically not safe to leave them home alone, whatever your experiences were. If you were left home alone for long periods at this age and nothing bad happened, you were lucky.

It's the same as people saying 'well I've smoked all my life and never got cancer' - good for them but it doesn't mean there's not a correlation.

I would never leave a child under 10/11 years home alone for any amount of time.

I grew up in the 80s, in Paris, in the inner city.

I remember my mum leaving me alone at home once when I was 5yo.
It was probably for 15-20mins but it felt like hours. I was totally okay and enjoyed being on my own. I just watched the telly really.

My older sister was the sensible one so when she was around 8 and I was 5, we were taking the metro back home alone (7 stops I think). I remember being a bit scared, I really didn't like the way the metro doors where closing, quite abruptly, we had all these images about the French revolution and the guillotine and I was sure that the doors would cut me in half.

But I don't remember being scared of being alone. This said I remember that I felt like I wasn't seeing my mum enough, I wish she'd been home when we went back from school.
It was not about being alone but more about not having enough quality time together.

I was about 7/8.

I think it would be fine as a one off but while I don’t believe I was in danger it was lonely.

Not only were we left alone from 8 we did things that would get our parents arrested today.
responsible for lighting the coal fire.
cooking for ourselves, including carrying a heavy chip pan full of hot oil
going out for hours with nobody aware of where we are
playing on bomb sites, building structures with piles of loose bricks.
riding bikes and skates on the main road
taking the neighbourhood babies out in their prams
Carrying hot drinks up stairs

I wasn't left at home until secondary age. I remember my mum leaving my brother at 9.5 to do the school run for me (30 mins) and worrying about it. DD is 8 and I've never left her yet. I probably would leave her for short periods at a similar age (9 or 10).

I used to walk to school alone feom age 4.

My DD used to play out on our cul de sac age about 4 or 5 and I started leaving my her home alone for short periods about age 9.

I think part of the reason parents are more cautious about this sort of thing notw is disapproval from others. I.e where I live primary school children aren't allowed to walk to school on their own until year 6.

Also a CAMHS worker told me I was breaking the law for leaving a 10 year old home alone for 30 mins - I had to correct her and say there was no such law.

How do you feel about all of that?

One thing I've noticed is that people say things like this with pride.

However, would (rightly) never expect their own kids to do it.

Do you not think it was irresponsible of your parents/carers that you were expected to carry a pan full of hot oil at the age of 8?

where I live primary school children aren't allowed to walk to school on their own until year 6. this is actually not the schools decision.