Leaving children alone vs age you were left alone as a child

[WrylyAmused]

There are frequently threads about "what age is it ok to leave a child while I do ?"

I'm an 80s child, and I remember walking myself home and then being home alone from after school until about 6:30-7ish (so ~3.5 hours, depending how fast I came home from school), from age 8. Every day pretty much, because both parents worked. I was fine with it, and I could use the kettle, oven, hob, microwave, knives etc to make myself food, had my own key, no issues. It was about a 15-20 min walk from school to home. No mobile phone, obviously, at that time. And I'm an only child, so I was completely alone, and was fine with it.

By pretty much every measure I've ever read, there is actually less crime these days than there was, but our perceptions of risk levels are much higher due to the way reporting has developed.

I don't think many people would think it ok to leave an 8 yo alone for that long habitually these days. Even though I suspect many of us experienced it ourselves as children.

So:

1. What age were you first left alone for any length of time as a child?
2. What age do you think it's ok to leave children alone from these days?
3. What do you think the reasons for the difference in those answers are?

I suppose you opened this thread in response to one where the OP considered leaving a 5 year old for 15 minutes?
Grew up in the 80s/ 90s and I had a lot more freedom and independence than today’s children. I definitely walked to and from school on my own or with friends from 6 onwards, as did everyone else. I know it was different times but I think we have become somewhat neurotic as a society the way we overreact to anything that could be deemed dangerous or traumatising now.

This is very culturally dependent. Here are some stats showing how it massively varies by country.

i was not proud of it. It was normal for our generation. My mum was of the generation where all the girls did chores, using irons, cooking, lighting fires. She saw nothing wrong in it.

She was unusual in that she worked full time, hence my brother and I being on our own. She was out of the house from 8 to 6, 6 days a week. When I look back at the many other dangerous mischief we got up to it was a miracle we survived.

I was the opposite as I stayed at home. I taught them to cook under supervision. They did have more freedom than their peers, because of my experience.

I remember been left alone at home at 5 in the Earl 90's, though I don't think it was typical even then. Somebody rang and they seemed concerned when I answered and said no one was home, they asked how old I was and I remember lying that I was 6 (to me that was much older). They rang back several times to check if an adult was home yet, so must have been more then 5-10 minutes. After 4-5 called I panicked and stopped answering the phone (which probably worried them more). My mum doesn't remember this, and is sure she wouldn't have left me at that age, but I'm pretty sure it was a regular occurrence at the time, as I hadn't registered it as anything unusual until the phone calls.

My own kids are 7 & 4, and neither have been left alone. In the last month or so the 7yo has started playing in the back garden without an adult, but only if there are other kids over to play with & come get an adult if there's a problem.

Born in the 70s, left alone at night if the parents were going out from 10 years old. I liked it because it meant the dog could sleep in my room (not usually allowed)

The parents felt uncomfortable with somebody in their home, so once I started boarding school felt it was OK for me to be left alone in the school holidays. Also we lived on an army base, so I guess they felt that was safer

I was born in 1987. I was left alone in the school holidays for 3 hours or so while my mum did a cleaning job from the age of 11. There wasn't a need for me to be alone any other time as my mum working a morning and evening job and dad got home before she left.

i started leaving my kids at home during covid. They were 10, 8 and 6 at the time. I would rather leave them home to go get groceries than take them. I wouldn’t leave them alone, always the 3 together. Plus the dog would be inside with them. (We have a big dog)

I stayed home alone from age 10 (completely alone)

I grew up in the 1960s and 70s (born in the late 1950s). I used to suffer from upset tummy from time to time as a child and had to take a day off school.
My mother was a sahm, but if she needed to go shopping she used to leave me in bed (with a large chamber pot under the bed for me to be sick in if need be) from the age of about 5 or 6. I was under strict instructions not to get out of bed for any reason other than using the loo. I was not to open the front door if the doorbell rang and must not answer the telephone.

I rather enjoyed those sick days, reading my Bugs Bunny story book and sipping Lucozade.

I walked to and from school on my own from age 7, as did everyone in those days.

To see what life was like for my generation, I highly recommend the TV series "7 Up". It starts in 1964. All the working class children make their own way to school, one of them (who was actually only 6 at the time) walked miles to school on his own along country lanes and across fields. That was completely normal in 1964 and nobody batted an eyelid.

I was born in 83

walked to school at 8 but was only 5 min walk

on my own after school bu 10 or 11 as both parents worked till about 6

my son was nearly 10 the first time he walked home from school again 10 min walk with 2 roads to walk across one with a lollipop person as we lived in a quiet area

he was around 11/12 when I finished work at 4 so half hour on his own at this age
at 13/14 I can’t quite remember was till 6 he did have a phone and we had trusted neighbors he could go to if an emergency happened we also lived around the corner from my nan

sometimes he would walk up to my work

age 15 he was doing his own thing and I changed to evenings any how

I think it depends on the child, how they are and how they handle things , what support is around them and also what area you live in , if it’s quiet like mine was or a big city as this changes things massively

no 2 kids are the same as are no 2 situations

1. I was actually quite old, maybe early high school age- 13/14. I am the oldest of three and I’m sure my middle sibling got home from school first and had a key from about 11/12, would let her and our younger sister in after school and watch her till I got home about 3:45 and my mum got home from work just after 5. We were walking round the corner on our own to get the school bus from 5.
2. 11/12, so when my daughter starts high school, I expect I’ll allow her to let herself in after school and be on her own till I and DH get home from work about 5/5:30. It wouldn’t be every day as I’m a hybrid worker. She’s pretty sensible and I’ve no other choice. Limited family support and no childcare options for that age group. My daughter has been walking to and from school with friends/no adult since nearly 8, except for the days I’m in work and she is at after school care as the kids aren’t allowed to walk home alone (it’s in the school)
3. Im not sure there is a difference between then and now. It wasn’t my experience to be left alone from a very young age and I’m not aware that it was the experience of other kids I knew either.

Born in 1973 - was walking to school in the morning from about 8/9 (along a busy road) and then home to an empty house some nights with a key left out for me until parents were home an hour or so later. Spent my summer holidays at my grandparents who lived on a country estate - used to spend the day running around and playing and would check back when we got hungry. Way before mobiles.

Was a very (probably too) sensible kid but it taught me independence and how to look after myself. I'd much rather have been bought up like I was than today's kids who from my POV have very little independence and I think miss out on that freedom.

I certainly never have! Why wouldn’t you just take them with you?

I left my sensible 9 year old ds at home for 20 minutes to pick up my 8 year old ds from a party.
However I wouldn't let them be home together alone as the 8 year old ds is not sensible and would probably cause situations to arise.

I have also started letting ds9 walk down the end of the road alone to the shop by himself to pick up milk etc.

It'll probably be a good few years before I trust DS8 to do the same.

I do think it's child dependant and not necessarily age dependent as there's such a difference in maturity between children.

My parents live in the country, and my grandparents lived next door. I don't think I was left alone until I was 13 or 14?

DD1 is 10, we live in the suburbs and she knows all the neighbours. We've been leaving her alone for short periods since the middle of Y5, initially just the 15 minute walk to take DD2 to Beavers. She's Y6 now and she's just started walking home from school some days.

It's just a completely different set up here to my childhood, if anything had happened there would have been nothing I could do. DD1 has about 10 different houses she could run to and she knows the occupants.

I’m not exactly sure what age I was first left alone, probably between 8-10, definitely by Year 7 I was walking home from school and letting myself in as no one home yet but don’t remember the steps leading up to that.

Impossible to say at what age a child is ready to be left alone though as depends on lots of factors, the child’s personality, where the parents are going to be, the area the child lives in, proximity to neighbours, time of day etc. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer, it’s situational.

Born mid 50s in East London, lived on a main road and bus route. Only child. Often left alone for several hours if I was off sick from school. Walked to school alone sometimes and crossed the road to get to the park. Would travel on the bus alone from about 7 or 8.
From about 9 or 10 often left for 4 or 5 hours a day in the school holidays whilst my mum went to work. Totally happy reading and making up games or playing out with friends. Made myself lunch and drinks. We didn't have a phone until I was in my teens so I had no way of contacting anyone if there was a problem. I would have to go to a neighbour to use their phone.
This was all totally normal for the time.
I know I'll get flamed for this but I think it made us more resilient, resourceful and independent rather than being a bad thing.

Born 77. I think I was left at home on my own for a few hours from about 10 but not in the evenings until about 13. Dsis and I did play out ( bikes, rounders in the roads, exploring abandoned buildings) with other kids younger than that though so definitely some inconsistent risk assessment by my parents ( not slating them for that- we’re all bad at it)

my dc- pretty much the same. They are now 13&12 so I’d leave them at home on their own for the occasional full day and if I’m going out in the evening but not “out out” Quite often one or the other is at home 7-9pm while I take the other to a sports club.. Ds gets taxis if needed on his own ( no public transport to his sports clubs) but dd doesn’t.

I was born in 76 and don’t remember being left alone really young. I was allowed out from 7 in the local Avenue. My kids came home alone at 11, frequently left all day when working on holidays from year 7, and left home alone overnight at 16.

Im an 80s child. Was not left alone until age 11 for an hour or so. I will leave my 10 year old alone for 30 mins max for example if i need to pick up partner from station. I would not leave him alone until age 12. He has adhd and we discussed walking home from secondary for example but hes not ready. We live in the outskirts of london and the reasons for not allowing this are 1. Traffic, there is so much traffic, aggressive driving, lorries etc. It would take one moment of distraction and then its all over. 2. Knife crime, kids are getting stabbed on the bus on their way home from school, my 14 year old nephew has been jumped by kids with knives at least 5 times just going to the local shopping centre. I found a 12 inch machette type knife in a bush at our local park just the other day. We live in a nice leafy area but other kids come to this area specifically to rob the kids here. Its terrible out there for young people atm, were even thinking of emmigrating becuase of these reasons.

I was first allowed to stay home without an adult for short periods of time when I was about 10 in the 90's, my Dad used to drop my Mum off at work on a Saturday morning so me and my brother would be watching TV until Dad got back. When I was a teenager I was allowed to be home alone when my parents worked in the school holidays, my brother was often out so I had the place to myself. Our Grandparents lived round the corner and my Grandad used to look in on me.

I have a daughter who is nearly 10 but my eldest is severely disabled so I wouldn't leave them both alone just yet, unless I only took the disabled child to the shop about 5 minutes away. I imagine the 9 year old would be on YouTube or the Switch the whole time. Once she is in senior school I might allow her to be home alone more as long as I knew she was safe and could contact me or a neighbour in an emergency.

I think parents are more cautious now about leaving children home alone because although there are more ways of staying in contact there are also more risks such as grooming online and children are likely to stay on screens rather than play outside or do chores.

Why do you think being flashed at, beaten up and bullied are not very serious?
I'd say these are serious, not some fun, resilience building rite of passage.

I was born in 81 and was often left alone in various places/situations from about the age of 3/4. My mum's husband would often leave me in the car while he disappeared for long periods of time pricing up jobs etc. At 5 we went on a trip to Butlins with friends of theirs and I would be left in the chalet "watching" the other couples younger children while the adults went out drinking. I found it all utterly terrifying to be honest.

I've only recently left my 12yr old at home alone for an hour or so to go shopping once, she asked to stay home as she hates the supermarket and convinced me she'd be fine by herself. When I came home she had a rolling pin out on the side, I think she may have been more anxious than she thought in the house alone and had armed herself against possible intruders.

I’m a 1970’s kid, I was 9 looking after my niece who was 8 and my sister who was 6. My children were left at 12. I used to be sat on the front doorstep from 3 and enjoyed chatting to people going by.

I remember being left at home when I had chicken pox, I was 7, as my Mum had to go to work. I was fine in my parents’ bed watching their old portable black and white tv!

I’m not sure when we first left our children on their own to go to the shops etc; they are mid teens now so perfectly happy if we go out for a meal with friends. Definitely by age 10, but they are very responsible and we know all our neighbours so they always knew they had back up. They always played out with the neighbourhood kids from quite a young age (we took turns with all the other parents watching them when they were 3/4 and slowly gave more freedom) too so were always fairly confident and sensible.

I was secondary age, at least 11 before I was left alone. My dad didn't work so he was always at home when I came home from school.

My ds1 is now 9 and I'll probably start leaving him soon for a few minutes here and there and gradually build it up so he's ready for the transition to secondary school and getting there by himself etc.