Leaving children alone vs age you were left alone as a child

[WrylyAmused]

There are frequently threads about "what age is it ok to leave a child while I do ?"

I'm an 80s child, and I remember walking myself home and then being home alone from after school until about 6:30-7ish (so ~3.5 hours, depending how fast I came home from school), from age 8. Every day pretty much, because both parents worked. I was fine with it, and I could use the kettle, oven, hob, microwave, knives etc to make myself food, had my own key, no issues. It was about a 15-20 min walk from school to home. No mobile phone, obviously, at that time. And I'm an only child, so I was completely alone, and was fine with it.

By pretty much every measure I've ever read, there is actually less crime these days than there was, but our perceptions of risk levels are much higher due to the way reporting has developed.

I don't think many people would think it ok to leave an 8 yo alone for that long habitually these days. Even though I suspect many of us experienced it ourselves as children.

So:

1. What age were you first left alone for any length of time as a child?
2. What age do you think it's ok to leave children alone from these days?
3. What do you think the reasons for the difference in those answers are?

Times have changed, I use to walk home from primary school in around year 3 and had to wait in the garden for my mum to come home from work, she would sometimes not be back for hours so I had to sit and wait in the garden as she wouldn't give me a key, now my children's school don't allow them to walk home until year SIX! And no one under the age of 16 is allowed to collect a sibling so a 15 year old can't collect a 10 year old (year 6 can walk alone obviously)

70s child. Left home when I was sick from about 8 but only short days. Wasn’t allowed to answer the door.
Used to wander for hours outside on my bike from dawn to dusk. Difference being we were in a suburb where families only had one car and that car would be gone all day so roads were very quiet.

had a friend who was sick at home in bed and someone broke in and opened the door on her, she was half asleep and thought it was a dream until her mum came home.

I started leaving DD at 10 when I went to corner shop/neighbours and started building up to going out in the car for an hour.

DH was never left at home alone. His mum used to drag him everywhere even when he was 15/16, it sounds ridiculous, wasn’t allowed his own key even. then suddenly they wanted to go on holiday without him and his brother so left them for 2 weeks.

American latchkey kid born in the mid 70’s.

5 when my sister 9 were left to it in the morning to get to the bus stop on our own then home in the afternoons for about 3 hours until parents got home from work.

Probably about 7 for sick days from school. Although my mum would generally come home at lunch after going in and forwarding the phone to our home number.

At about 9 one of two ‘jobs’ we had at school as part of the safety patrol was to walk the younger kids across the street in the morning with a flag and reflective sash (I think you call them lollipop ladies or something) and at lunch one of us would walk the kindergarteners (5yo) home (they only went 1/2 day).

Summers my mum would pay a teenager (usually around 13/14 yo) to hang out with us during the day and take us to the swimming pool probably until I was 9 or 10 after that we were on our own. She would come home at lunch from work and drop us off at the swimming pool then pick us up on her way home from work.

Evenings out for my parents I think we had babysitters up until I was 6-7 and my sister would have been 10…. After that we were on our own. Many times I was alone if my sister had a sleepover or something.

Somewhere around 8 was when I could go to a movie or the mall alone with a friend.

By 11/12 It wasn’t even a question if I would stay home by myself.

16 was the magic number for weekends on our own as my mum thought there needed to be someone able to drive.

I’m an 88 baby, I was left alone from three, but where I grew up at the time that was the norm.

Our son is eight, he gets left home alone sometimes, walks himself to and from school, takes himself to the park etc. Here virtually all children do this from 6/7 years of age.

I meant to add that I was about 7 when I was left to get to and from school solo as my sister went a different school by that point.

I was left on my own a lot as a child. From the age of 9/10 I had to get myself home from primary school. I was attacked and sexually assaulted on my walk home (down a quiet country lane) and again on the bus home (2 separate occasions).

I was then left alone after school (single parent mother) and overnight one day a week midweek and every weekend from the age of 12-16 whilst my mother went to stay with her "boyfriend".

During this time I was sexually assaulted and physically and verbally abused by my brothers.

⬆️ this was in the late 70s/early 80s.

As a result I have never left my children alone, or in fact had anyone to babysit.

Thinking about it more I was also left home alone regularly for a week whilst my mum went on holiday from ages 13/14 she would go on holiday abroad and leave me and my younger brother for a week he would have been 11/12

70s child here - my parents worked shifts and often there would be a 1/2 - 1 hour overlap where me and younger brother were left alone (under 10)
The instructions were to sit in front of the TV cross legged and not to move!
It being the early 80s we obeyed!

1. What age were you first left alone for any length of time as a child?

Well, I was the youngest of 3 - we used to go out and play together from when I was about 6 (siblings then 9 and 11) and used to go walking in a local stream in our wellies. Alone in the house with no siblings probably happened when I was 14, but I think all of us there without a parent from when I was about 10/11?

I walked home from school sometimes with sister when I was about 7 and she was 10 I think, about 20 mins with one big road crossing. This was mid to late 80s.

2.What age do you think it's ok to leave children alone from these days?

Covid kind of sped it up, but during lockdown we sometimes did things like going for an afternoon walk without them for 2-3 hours when ours were 8 and 11. 11 year old was pretty mature and generally they'd just be watching telly. Started leaving them in the evening (only for local jaunts) when they were 13 and 10, then a year later for bigger trips out - a babysitter just started feeling unnecessary. DH, 12, has sometimes been alone for the evening if we and oldest DC are out since he turned 12.

3.What do you think the reasons for the difference in those answers are?

It's actually fairly similar in our case, but honestly the main reason I have ever worried about kids doing something on their own is other people's judgement.

What age were you first left alone for any length of time as a child?

Probably around 7, and I was babysitting my younger sisters and cousins from 10/11.

What age do you think it's ok to leave children alone from these days?

It depends on many factors, I left my eldest (10.5 year old) alone for the first time yesterday. I was gone 10 mins with the baby to drop off a Vinted parcel. He’s a sensible kid mostly but I think 10/15 mins at a time is my limit for a while.

What do you think the reasons for the difference in those answers are?

My parents saw me as a third parent to my sisters so I was left alone a lot. If they were going to do the shopping for instance they’d leave us at home rather than take us. I grew up very fast when my sisters were born when I was 5. My son also does not have a mobile yet and we don’t have a landline, so if there were a problem he’d no way of getting in touch with me. We are getting him a phone for his 11th birthday so it might change then.

I was left alone from birth.... (10 minutes here & there/an hour if I was asleep/definitely by age 3 I was able to be alone in thr house garden - all the way up to comming home at 8-9 to find out she had LEFT THE CITY ON A DAY TRIP AND DIDNT HAVE ENOUH ROOM IN THE CAR TO PICK ME UP BEFOREHAND!)

no kid (I know) including my own are left alone at all these days 100% supervision unless playing in the.house with people home aswell!

I was born in the 60s
Walked to school from age 5 (10 minute walk) there were very few cars
Came home from school to empty house from age 7/8 DM finished work at 6 DF 6.30, we would make a sandwich or have fruit and a piece of cake
From 11/12 I had to cook evening meal for us all to be ready for 6.45/7 when they were home from work
The only time I had a problem was when they left me home alone for a week as I was revising for O levels (just turned 16) and I started getting heavy breather phone calls which then escalated - I had to call the police as my parents couldn’t be contacted - police just suggested I go and stay with a friend or get a friend to stay at mine! I’m not even sure I told my parents when they came back

Edit to add this was the 90's

1. In the 1980’s, I was first left alone for short periods around 8. By 10, I was allowed to cycle beyond the village with a friend, we were out for hours in the summer. By 12, I cycled 4 miles to school on my own, took the bus if it was pouring.
2. 10+ for up to 30 minutes before 6. DD was at a different school by then and I sometimes had to pick her up at 5:30 after sports practice. DS (10) preferred to stay at home with the dog.
3. I think we’ve got more worried about children’s safety nowadays. Whether that’s justified, I’m not sure, tbh, but we’re inundated with scary news 24/7.

I remember a friend , eldest of 5, looking after the 4 younger ones all day every day in the holidays. This was in junior school . Her mum had her at 14 I think and them all by 21 . Her mums best friend also lived with them and made up a cozy 3 . We didn’t bat an eye , or even comment . This was early 70s ( friend is now a head teacher I think )

What age were you first left alone for any length of time as a child?
Made to walk to school alone from four years old. Would have been five or six, in the house totally alone. Sent to be alone while mother slept from being a toddler. Sent out to the shop alone from 2 years old. Sent to town a mile away from six or seven. Left overnight with care of younger brother from eight. 1950s to 1960s.
What age do you think it's ok to leave children alone from these days?
Granddaughter is twelve and isn't left alone in the house or sent out alone.
What do you think the reasons for the difference in those answers are?
Her parents aren't raging narcissists.

I was born late 80s and by the time I was 11 my mum had a newborn and used to leave him from 3 months ish with me whilst she went to work in the mornings 😳 For 2/3 hours. Unimaginable now and probably quite poor on her part.

Dd is 7 and I do leave her to pop across the road to the cafe which is directly opposite our house and get us pastries for breakfast. I can see the front door the entire time, and our wheelie bins are a further walk away!

Seventies eighties- parents used to confer and agreed children were allowed to walk to school if they were: reliable; tall enough to see over a car bonnet; age seven.
Twenties - boys seem to be allowed out from age 9, girls from age 12 or 16.
Other kids being out made it safer. We made friends, played together. Nowadays an unaccompanied child stands out like a sore thumb. It's socially complicated if a random child tries to join a child-with-parent.

Mum always said the reason she sent me to Brownies was because they taught everyone to lay and light a coal fire.

I don’t recall what age I was first left alone and there is no one I can check with on that. I do recall spending the entire summer holiday when I was 11yo being responsible for caring for my 6yo sibling while my parents were away at work for 9-10 hours a day. By age 12, the neighbors left me in charge of their 6 week old infant so they could go out for the evening.

our parents were insane.

1. age 9
2. depends on the child, my son was 11
3. my Mum had no choice, I had that choice due grandparents looking after my children until I was 100% sure they were mature enough to be left alone

I remember walking myself home and then being home alone from after school until about 6:30-7ish (so ~3.5 hours, depending how fast I came home from school), from age 8. This wasn't OK in the 1980s, from my memory. This is what was termed a 'latchkey child' experience and it was not considered OK then.

The issue for me is not crime/danger as such, but rather loneliness and having to do things alone that should be done in a family, childminder or childcare situation. Humans are not meant to be isolated and to someone as young as 8 3.5 hours is a long time.

The fact someone gets used to something doesn't mean it is objectively a positive.

70s kid early morning and key under the door mat after school, probably about 7yr old.

Used to walk home from school from about 8. Just over half a mile, and we used to play on the common on the way, so it would be an hour before I was home.

At 11, school journey became a mile to the station, 25minute train journey, 3 mile bus journey.

My DC (80s): walked home from school, about 400yds, from about 8. At that age they were certainly playing in the garden out of our sight. We first left them at home overnight when they were 17 and 14, I think. No mobiles of course, but good neighbours if an emergency.

My mother left school at 15 and was working.

It’s a difficult question - the more you supervise children, the less capable they become. By the time I was 7, I knew how to make an emergency call, by the time I was 11, I had a good knowledge of our town, knew basic first aid, what to do in the case of fire etc. I wouldn’t have had that knowledge of the town if I’d been driven to school each day. And of course I wasn’t walking home completely on my own -there was a gang of us for the first bit of the route and me and my best friend for quite a bit of the rest.