Leaving children alone vs age you were left alone as a child

[WrylyAmused]

There are frequently threads about "what age is it ok to leave a child while I do ?"

I'm an 80s child, and I remember walking myself home and then being home alone from after school until about 6:30-7ish (so ~3.5 hours, depending how fast I came home from school), from age 8. Every day pretty much, because both parents worked. I was fine with it, and I could use the kettle, oven, hob, microwave, knives etc to make myself food, had my own key, no issues. It was about a 15-20 min walk from school to home. No mobile phone, obviously, at that time. And I'm an only child, so I was completely alone, and was fine with it.

By pretty much every measure I've ever read, there is actually less crime these days than there was, but our perceptions of risk levels are much higher due to the way reporting has developed.

I don't think many people would think it ok to leave an 8 yo alone for that long habitually these days. Even though I suspect many of us experienced it ourselves as children.

So:

1. What age were you first left alone for any length of time as a child?
2. What age do you think it's ok to leave children alone from these days?
3. What do you think the reasons for the difference in those answers are?

Child of the 80s. I used to play in the street from very young - probably about 3. I don't think that was particularly the norm on my street - other kids that young would probably be with a sibling. I remember walking to school on my own from pretty young - I think about 6. Had to cross a main road and then down two alley ways. There was a crossing man for the secondary school but I didn't really like crossing with all the big kids. I think I was too young to be walking alone really as I remember one time getting to school to find it was closed as the pipes had frozen or something. But they wouldn't let me walk home alone. But we also didn't have a phone, so they couldn't call my mum to get me. So I had to stay at school all day.....then walk home alone!

I had a key in the shed to get in the back door. I would sometimes be home alone for a bit, but my mum wasn't working. I would generally be out playing all day - in the street, at a friend's. My mum would go about her day, I would go about mine. I might come home and she was out. She would go out not knowing where I was but knowing I could get in if I came home. I can't imagine being that nonchalant about my child's whereabouts!

The big change I would say is traffic. That main road wasn't really very busy and our sideroads rarely had a car down them. Now the main road is busy and drivers often wizz round the side roads trying to skip traffic.

My kids I've been leaving for the odd 10 mins to go to the local shop from 8 and 10 I reckon. Now they are 10 and 12 and I sometimes leave them for a couple of hours. I try not to leave the 10 year old alone though as they don't really like it.

So much depends on context though, and where you grew up. I grew up in a very big city with high crime levels. 80s kid. I think I was around 10 or 11 when I was allowed to go to the shop by myself. I have 3 younger siblings so don't recall being left alone in the house much. But from the same age I would be left on charge for very short periods - 20 minutes or so if my mum had to nip out.

I live rurally now. My kids are allowed to play out from about 4, from 8 they can walk to school alone (with friends). From I guess 5 I'd leave them in the house if I was popping to a neighbour for 10 minutes and they knew where I was.

But I live in the countryside in a lane of houses where no one locks their front door, and there lots of kids about. My sister lives in the same city I grew up in and will sit outside on her front step while her 10 year old plays in front of the house

I was year 4 walking my year 2 sister to school. Something happened and the teachers found out. I believe social services were involved because we were then had to walk to another school Mum's house and walk to school with her and her daughter for a while until the dust settled. We used to also walk ourselves home, let ourselves in with a key and wait for our older sibling to come home from secondary school which was a 2 bus ride distance away. Got to love the late 70s/early 80s.

Our parents had already left for work before we got up in the morning, so we had to get ourselves up, dressed, teeth brushed, breakfast and walk to school. I looked at my own child when they were 8 and it turned my stomach to think of the responsibility I had for another child ie my sister at that age. We could have choked, been run over crossing roads etc.

I can't remember what age we left our children, maybe at 10 for 10 minutes or so building them up. As I was always home it was a bit difficult. It only happened when Ds1 started secondary and I had to pick up Ds2 from primary.

I used to walk to and from school alone from 9, calling for friends on the way. My daughter will probably never do this as we live too far from her school for it to be feasible but I'd let a 9 year old do a similar distance as I did.

In terms of left alone, my mum used to leave me for half an hour to an hour to go to the supermarket from me being about 10, if I didn't want to go with her.

I was allowed to spend short amounts of time home alone during the holidays from 11. At that age I also used to go to my grandmother's after school so if she was on holiday or something I could let myself in and wait there until my mum finished work.

Probably around 12 I started being left home alone at night because my mum didn't want people knowing she was going on a date.

I'm not sure what age I would do any of these yet. It will depend on what my daughter is comfortable with more than anything else.

I do understand what you mean and I’m not trying to be antagonistic but even small villages have people going though them.

I was probably about 8 or 9 when I was allowed to stay home alone. Mum was a SAHM until then so during school holidays we'd be given a list of chores and free reign of the house. It was different then though. There was more community. I knew if there were any issues I could go to the neighbour's house and they'd help and there'd be friends on the street, so we were never alone. Society isn't like that now.

My GP once advised me to leave my DD4 home alone when she'd gone to bed to go for a run each night. I didn't but was shocked this was the advice being given out to single parents.

70’s child. Walked to school with older sibling from second day of infant school. Played out from at least 4.
Went out with village friends from 4. Very tiny village. All day meadows, woods etc.
Never left overnight.
My children were at least 8 before even went to local post box and that is 5 houses away! Never put petrol in car with children as didn’t want to leave in car on their own to pay!
I do regret my children now having a childhood like mind. As it made a quiet child like myself very independent.

I was left at home (with siblings) during school holidays most weekdays for several hours when my mother worked (in the 90s). From about age 10, but my sister would have been 8-9. I did have older siblings (12 and 13) but don't remember them always being there. We knew how to make our own food. We lived in the middle of nowhere, which in some ways is safer but in other ways definitely not!

I live overseas in a very safe place and I wouldn't leave mine for hours at 8-10, but I will pop to the shop or go to a neighbour's house and leave my children at home. They are nearly 4, 6, and 9! I am aware this sounds insane written down but we live in a compound and the children know all the neighbours and groundspeople and security staff. They know where I am and where to go if they had a problem. Of course they could have an accident or fight with each other, but they could do that while I'm in the shower and I wouldn't know about it any quicker than if I'm next door.

I also let my kids walk back from the local shop on their own occasionally from about age 6 (very close by and no proper roads to cross). Currently contemplating whether my oldest can get herself home from school when she has an after school club, rather than my nanny having to wait around with the others after school. My gut is that she's ready, but she would be younger than anyone else I know who does this where I live. She's in Year 4, just turned 9. It massively depends on the child, your living situation, your location, and you level of risk aversion. Everyone is different in terms of what they would find acceptable.

In terms of how much it's changed in the last few generations, I would say that's partly down to need (I don't think people worked flexible hours much decades ago!) and also there was likely to be more of a community years ago, people knew their neighbours, people watched out for each others children etc. We are also now much more aware of and alert to dangers that we just didn't really consider years ago.

I was born in 1980, I was left alone all day in a locked house from around 8 years old I think. Mum and dad got up for work and left me to it during the holidays when they couldn't take time off. I wasn't allowed to go out to play with friends, I had to wait for my parents to come home first.

Once I was in secondary school, I was also cooking most meals throughout the week as I got home at 4 and my parents got home at 6.

Later found out that used to leave me as a baby too, as they worked shifts, so 1 would settle me for a nap, leave the house and the other would come in about 30 minutes later. Seems ludicrous to think of doing that these days.

I have left my 9 year old alone for about 20 minutes whilst I've done the nursery run, he's gaming, barely even noticed I was gone but I would tell him not to answer the door and call me through alexa if he needed me.

But let's be honest, all of what I've said is wrong, isn't it? It hasn't done me any harm but that doesn't make it right, does it? I wouldn't leave my kids alone the way my parents left me alone.

1970's/early 80's as young children we walked ourselves to school and back crossing very busy roads,lived in a city.
Weekly occurrence to come home to a locked up house because my mother was out.
Also weekends when my mum and step dad went shopping etc we were locked out of the house for a few hours.

Never did any of that with my own children

Born mid 1960s. Walked to and from school aged 7. Lots of children did so I wasn't alone.

When I went to secondary school I had a key and would let myself and my younger brothers in and then cook us all a meal. Parents would be working until 6pm.

During school holidays we would be left alone and I'd be in charge.

It seemed quite normal and acceptable at the time and lots of my friends were in the same position.

I used to walk to school alone at age 6 and we had to cross a railway track. I can remember playing out but there were limits on the street and we weren't allowed to go beyond those, or into anyone's house.
I could be left alone at 8 and like the OP could do housework. My problem was that I would also be expected to look after my younger brother, who was a dick, and I'd get into trouble if he caused any trouble or had an accident - he knew that and would hold it over me. It has left me with chronic anxiety as an adult.

1. i was left alone from 9 for short periods of time then gradually upped. By 12 i was left alone with my 7 year old sister for 4/5 hours in the day. It was “normal” as most of my friends were the same but we had neighbours we could call on. Also travelled over an hour on 2 buses to school.

2. i didn’t leave my daughter until 11 and it
   was only for 5/10 mins dropping siblings at clubs or school pick up etc. she was 13 before i left her for a few hours (when she didn’t want to come on a play date) gradually starting to leave her more now and let her cook etc and expand on it.

3. it’s “safer” now in that she has her phone. House isn’t a flat so easier to get out if a fire or whatever. House alarms etc but i don’t “need” to leave my kids where as my mum and dad did if both were at work. My oldest i’m probably too over protective so will probably leave my younger ones sooner especialy as she is there too

Born mid 60's. There was a lot less traffic on the roads, so maybe that's why our parents had less concerns.

at 3 I walked myself to nursery. Apparently, I refused to let my mum take me because "I was a big girl now"
My sister 18 months older, was regularly left to babysit me and my younger brother from the age of about 9 while they went to the local pub.
From about 7 we would get a bus to the local swimming baths with our friends and no adults supervised us.
In the summer we would be gone all day. If we had money we would take a train to the coast to play on the beach.
From about 9 we would be given a key to let ourselves in at lunch time to make food (school was close to home)
I remember cycling to my nans 8 miles away along major roads. I couldn't have been more than 7 as I did it on a tomahawk bike.
In summer from 4 or 5 we lived in the local park , which had a hut that had play equipment. we climbed trees and we paddled in the local boating lake.

I am horrified as an adult that my parents allowed us to do this, but it was the norm at the time. We literally went out in the morning and didn't come back until dinner time, I don't know how they weren't worried. Some of the stuff we got up to was crazy, swimming in lakes, walking along train lines, jumping on trains to go on mystery tours. playing on building sites.
I don't know how I got through my childhood without any broken bones or major injuries. We had no adult supervision from a young age.

But why? I was getting a public bus to school and back at that age.

Also the kids used to play outside in the street/ park.

And kids popping to shops etc was quite normal also

I think I was from late year 5/early year 6, from being about 10.

my 2 are only 3.5 and a few months but I would expect to be able to leave them at home sick, or let themselves in from age 10.

It’s pretty unlikely though as dh and I both work hybrid, I can see the primary school from here (with a little stretch and look from my upstairs window). Unlikely to change jobs as they are too cushy.

When the youngest is 10, oldest will be almost 13. At that point I would expect to be able to go out for an evening meal, and get home for 10pm ish without the house getting burned down. If I can’t then I haven’t done enough to help my kids become independent.

I grew up in the 80s/90s and my parents were weirdly to me more relaxed about me being on my own in a public place - e.g. walking to meet a friend or library or shopping centre than at home. They would let me do that sort of thing from age 8/9 but not alone at home until 10/11.

Once I was in secondary school, I was on my own at home after school and would do dinner prep etc.

I leave my 7 year old alone at home for 5 mins or so - e.g. to pick up a package from the neighbour or similar which I view as basically practice for him to get comfortable with the idea.

When he is 9/10, I plan to start leaving him for longer periods. I think I am actually quite similar in attitude to my parents on this except that I would be more cautious about my kids being alone in public places than they were - I think that's because we are in London and more weird people around

I was 6 (1961) and off school with German measles when my DM had to go shopping and left me at home by myself for an hour or two. She was a SAHM. After that passed without incident, she would do it fairly regularly if I didn't want to go for any reason. However, we had very nice neighbours upstairs who were like a second family and I knew I could go up and ask Auntie Dot if I needed anything, and I had our large German Shepherd dog for company.

I was allowed to walk to and from school by myself, which involved crossing a couple of busy roads and a park, when I was 9. She was pregnant with my DB at the time and had dreadful morning sickness, so really not up to the walk.

Like others, I was a 60s child. When we moved to “the new house” I was 7, my parents worked full time. I got myself breakfast, took myself to school, walked home and laid the table/prepared veg for when they got home, gradually started cooking dinner so it was almost ready by the time they got back about 6pm. In the holidays I just stayed in watching tv, or went out to play with friends. We had a local row of shops including a mini supermarket, greengrocers, toy shop, sweet shop etc, and I was allowed to go there if I had pocket money. I went to the library once a week, sometimes swimming, or walked to a play park about 3 miles away.

when my children were small, I worked full time and my husband was a SAHD, and although I didn’t know at the time, he often took them out in the car, then went off for “ages” seeing mates, getting lunch, in B&Q. Also, he had a workshop in the garden, and was out there most of the day with the kids at home in the school holidays.

I did get flashed at, bullied, and chased by big kids on bikes, and once there was a water leak in the kitchen and our dog ran away when I tried to take him for a walk. But it all ended up ok. I learned to cope. I enjoy my own company and I’ve never been anxious about anything.

80s child, not UK. At the age of 7 (the start of school there) I was fully independent from 8am to 7pm, and was responsible for a younger sibling too (get them dressed, washed, fed, get to kindergarten and collect after school). Also responsible for my own timetable (remembering clubs / extracurriculars), homework and all school admin.

I sometimes do wonder if I mollycoddle mine too much. My eldest's (10.5) first independent trip to the supermarket was just a few days ago (with me hovering outside all anxious). I don't know, it just doesn't feel the same - although there probably were way more dangers in my childhood.

I was left alone for up to a few hours from the age of 18 months or so. My mum was a widow and the mother of two children very close in age and found things very difficult, with frequent migraines which meant retiring to bed for the majority of the day.

Of course, various things happened and we came across things that weren't properly secured; however we were lucky in that the worst things that happened were things like finding, dismantling (and eating!) a box of fireworks which have become family lore

We were left alone for the evening from the age of 3 / 4 but this was only occasionally when on holiday in caravans in what my mother believed was a secure place (like MM's parents).

I was left alone in the house for the day (which I loved as I could read all the books in my mum's bookcase) from the age of 7 or so if I was off sick and my mum had to work; with a neighbour popping in for five minutes at lunch

This was in the 80's and times were different; I was only v rarely scared and have grown up independent and v happy with solitude. However, I've only just started leaving my son alone for an hour in the day when shopping, and he's 14

I walked to primary school alone from age 7 onwards. But I wouldn't allow my children to until secondary, maybe 13 onwards, but even then I feel twitchy about the idea. As a 7 yr old I remember seeing an old man trying to snatch a little girl walking to school (she managed to run away). I nearly got run over when I was crossing a road. I used to walk down an alley way some days until one day a man walking towards me warned me not to walk down it because there was a dodgy man hanging around in the alley. Things happen to children and they don't always know to tell their parents, or feel shamed and don't say anything.

@ThatTimeIKnewFamousPeople

"I live rurally now. My kids are allowed to play out from about 4, from 8 they can walk to school alone (with friends). From I guess 5 I'd leave them in the house if I was popping to a neighbour for 10 minutes and they knew where I was."

Rural crime very much exists and leaving 5 year olds alone is really not advisable. Knowing where you are won't protect them or stop them from coming to harm. Just think of Madeleine McCann.

Born in the 80s. Horribly strict parents and I wasn't allowed to do anything alone til about 14. I felt controlled and infantilised and hated it.

For that reason I've parented in the opposite way and I've left my kids for brief periods since they were 10 and 8. They each got a key aged 10 and neither have ever lost their key. They're really sensible and responsible, both can prepare food, don't answer the door to anyone, call me if they need me, and know which neighbours to go to for help (which has once happened).

90s kid here, I wasn't left home alone much basically because my parents couldn't really afford to go out 😂 I started getting left alone when they went food shopping at 11ish, which is exactly what I started doing with my own DD when she turned 11. Now that she's 12 she gets left for the odd 2 hours while I'm at the hairdressers but thats about it.