Leaving children alone vs age you were left alone as a child

[WrylyAmused]

There are frequently threads about "what age is it ok to leave a child while I do ?"

I'm an 80s child, and I remember walking myself home and then being home alone from after school until about 6:30-7ish (so ~3.5 hours, depending how fast I came home from school), from age 8. Every day pretty much, because both parents worked. I was fine with it, and I could use the kettle, oven, hob, microwave, knives etc to make myself food, had my own key, no issues. It was about a 15-20 min walk from school to home. No mobile phone, obviously, at that time. And I'm an only child, so I was completely alone, and was fine with it.

By pretty much every measure I've ever read, there is actually less crime these days than there was, but our perceptions of risk levels are much higher due to the way reporting has developed.

I don't think many people would think it ok to leave an 8 yo alone for that long habitually these days. Even though I suspect many of us experienced it ourselves as children.

So:

1. What age were you first left alone for any length of time as a child?
2. What age do you think it's ok to leave children alone from these days?
3. What do you think the reasons for the difference in those answers are?

I remember walking to school age 7 and getting a bus to my new, further away school aged 8.

By 11 we had moved further away ( school was a private school so no changing school) and i got a train into the city, then another train and a bus. Total journey time apx 90 mins each way.

Now, my 10 year old has just started walking the short distance to and from school and I had to write to the school to get permission!

I let my oldest stay home alone from 12, will probably let them both stay home for short periods when both in secondary school.

What age were you first left alone for any length of time as a child?

8, but I was in charge of my 4yo and 6yo siblings too. I'm a 90s child.

What age do you think it's ok to leave children alone from these days?

Probably from age 10-12 for around an hour. I only have very small DC though, so it's hard to know for sure.

What do you think the reasons for the difference in those answers are?

I think we're very aware of the shit small children can get up to when their parents aren't around. I loved my siblings but I was mean to them at times while home alone. I also felt anxious in certain situations, like when our dog escaped for instance.

The school can't actually prevent you deciding for yourself when your kid walks home. It's not illegal.
Mine said I just had to write a letter absolving them of any responsibility before y6.

I was left home alone from from year 3. Biked to and from school alone.

I start leaving them home alone for short trips late year 5 and would do a full shop in year 6 so 11/12.

I was born early 90’s. Just isn’t really the done thing is it so have young children roaming free. Today if I saw a group of 7/8 year olds out wondering alone I’d figure their parents where the neglectful in many ways and just didn’t give a shit. Let alone when those 7/8 used to be responsible for baby siblings of 4/5 too.

Hell I don’t even know anyone that uses baby sitters.

My 8 year old has never been left home
alone nor ever been left to be looked after by older siblings and my oldest is 15 and back when I was little again most babysitters tending to be 14/15 but not. Not fair to put that responsibility onto a child.

I leave my now 11 year old home for 1-2 hours sometimes and have since she was 10. We live in a very safe area though and I feel very comfortable here (rarely even lock our doors).

At 10, I was doing full days home alone most of the school holidays, in the pre-mobile phone area. At 13, I was doing 3-4 days on my own while my mum was on a work trip (she’d ring once a day if she could to make sure I was still alive and hadn’t burned the house down). I’d care for the dog, cook all my meals, walk myself to school and to sports and then back home. Once I fell down the stairs and dislocated a knee during one of these trips and I had to drag myself to the sofa and wait for a good 36 hours until she got back home with bags of frozen peas on my melon of a knee and needed surgery!

I wouldn’t have left my 10 year old for a whole day and I wouldn’t leave her at 13 overnight by herself. I think it was a different world back then, but my mum was also just a bit of a shit parent when it came to wise responsible decision making unfortunately.

My niece and nephew were left at home alone aged 3 and 4. My sister left for work very early, set an alarm clock to wake them up and a second one in the kitchen would tell them when it was time to start walking together to their local kindergarten.

i started primary school when I was 7 and I had to walk by myself on the first day of school (and every single day after). I was just shown the building once by my mum. I remember the sheer panic I felt when I arrived and had no idea where my class was, who my teacher was and generally what the hell was going on. I cried and some member of staff tried to figure it out for me. There wasn’t a spare key for me and most days I would arrive home and had to stay outside and wait for someone to come home and let me in, usually hours. Interesting times!

Never, but only because I had a sister

Born 1962. Regularly left home alone from 5 if off school poorly.

Incredible really.

What age were you first left alone for any length of time as a child?
I was out and about on a few local streets on my bike at 8/9. Further afield, into town, friends houses at 10. Home alone at 10 for short periods.

What age do you think it's ok to leave children alone from these days?
I'd say 8 for short periods, 10 for the odd work day. That's when I left my child. 10 to go further than local streets.

What do you think the reasons for the difference in those answers are?
I had two parents and my mother only worked evenings so I only really needed to be left when I didn't want to tag along to an activity after school. I'm a lone parent so started leaving my child to do the shopping, then later when I didn't have childcare to work, and to prepare for being home alone every day after school in secondary.

Didn't mean to quote!

My dm was a worrier. I definitely wasn't left on my own until secondary age, although I did walk home on my own in year 6, which was 40 minutes across the village.
Certainly for any length of time rather than dm just nipping out and being on my own rather than with dsis, I think it would have been once dsis had gone to uni, so around age 14/15yo.

I started leaving dd1 for short (nipping up to take dd2 to rainbows, 20 minutes walk total there and back) when she was about 9yo. Until she was 11yo I wouldn't leave her alone unless I knew that I could guarantee how long I'd be, so walking not driving. At 12yo I'd leave her looking after ds, who was 6yo and they were always really sensible together.
DD2 was the one who decided to make toffee or decorate the stairs while we were out, so she was left much less. 🤣

I was never left home alone as a child (born 77) I leave my 10 year old for maybe an hour occasionally.

1. 12 ish
2. 12 ish
3. No difference

I was born in the 80s, left alone for first time around 12/13 and am same with the kids-so 12/13. First time I left my second eldest home someone called to the door and he went upstairs to his room and said it freaked him out. When we rang he asked would we be home soon. We'd told him if anyone called to the door to not bother answering but he just panicked. I have an 11yo though who I think would fare better and conversely a 9 yo who would find a way to cause the upmost of destruction in a room with nothing in it so I think it depends on the child. In our house I think the biggest issue would be eg the dog getting out and the kids going wandering looking for him.

I was born late sixties, dm was neurotic about our safety so I experienced none of the freedoms of the era. We weren't allowed off of the garden to play, we weren't left until we were secondary age. Grandma was hugely critical as dm had had all the freedom so she didn't understand her stance. My eldest is now mid thirties, I first left him age eleven so no different to when I was left.

I'm 55 so a 70s child. I can't remember ever being left alone until 13/14.

Walked home from school from 7. About a mile.

Left for short periods from abt 8 if off school poorly say 2.5 hours while my mum did her little job.

Now. My teens are SN and cant leave long.

I was born in the early noughties.

1. Probably 5 ish - just for 20-30mins or so while Mum popped to a shop or Grandma went for a nightcap with her boyfriend who lived up the street, or grandad went for his morning papers. I stayed at grandparents a lot. I was definitely left home alone for the day if ill, by year 4 latest.
2. Depends on the maturity of the child, but perhaps 7 or so for no more than 10-15 minutes and only if I thought they genuinely understood me to stay watching TV, not to answer the door, how to use phone to call me etc. Longer if with an older sibling. From year 5ish I'd be happy for a bit longer period after school. From secondary school (11) I'd def aim to be able to leave all day eg if working in school holidays. Should be broadly independent by that age.
3. I don't think there's that much of a difference but where there is I'd say it's driven by the fear of being reported or seen as neglect for something everyone did not so long ago.

1. 11
2. 11
3. I don’t leave dd 12 at home all day though, it’s only a couple of hours or so. She doesn’t arrange her own social life with friends or go to their houses much, as I did at her age. She has asd which may be part of it.

Yes they can. They don't release the kids until an adult collects them I have witnessed this .

Born in 1987.Only child with very protective parents.
Probably left alone for the evening without babysitter from about 14 I think.

My oldest child is only 7 but at a guess I would say I would probably leave her home alone whilst I popped to the shops in the daytime once she reached high school age (11/12) but probably not whilst we went out in the evening til she was 13/14.She has a younger sister though so probably wouldn't be left alone at home until she was old enough to babysit her anyway at about 15 I suppose.

We are also definitely on the more protective/careful end of parenting I think.

Shocked that someone would be left alone at only 5yo for any amount of time that recently! Not good.
And left alone aged 8 or 9 to fend for yourself whilst unwell- not good either! :(

Ooh it wasn't so bad - I was never really that unwell just bad coughs and colds. I was always happy to occupy myself with the telly or books. Tbh we were skint and i knew if parents didnt work they didnt get paid, they tried to hide it from me but I was switched on. Usually someone would pop in to check on me briefly like my aunty who worked at the shop over the road would come in on her lunch break. I was a really independent and sensible child though, my cousins were far less so despite being same age (year older and year younger) and i know my mums sister never would've left them despite having very similar parenting otherwise. I wouldn't do it now/in future with my own kids but think it was needs must and certainly normal in our area in families without a SAHP at the time.