Not being invited on family holidays

[Scrambledeggplant]

I'm 26F and have a 1.5yr old toddler, I live alone. I only have contact with my mum, grandparents and brother who I'm close to and I see them every other day. They've booked multiple UK holidays this year ranging from 1-2 weeks and I haven't been invited. They know I get incredibly lonely, and that I have severe depression which has become worse recently resulting in having to up my medication. I've been asked to look after the dog, which I said yes that's fine to, but I'm struggling to look after my toddler so it'll be a bit difficult. I said last year about coming away with them but they said there isn't enough room or isn't enough room in the car. I offered to pay each time and get a train down, but they still say no.

AIBU to feel a little bit hurt that they don't invite me and toddler along? They're the only family I have, and I'm not a confident enough driver to drive far or feel comfortable going away with just me and toddler at the moment.

No, I don’t think you are being unreasonable.

I can see them wanting adult only holidays as well, but if they have several hols a year, I think they should have a holiday with you too, in the circumstance you are in. I’d do that if I were your mother.

Sorry they are being like this OP.

You’re an adult, you need to make your own plans and not expect your family to still treat you like a child.
also, multiple generation holidays are a whole different ball game and it’s their choice to spend their hols how they wish.

That’s bloody awful of them. They might well want at least one holiday with no toddler but I can’t imagine leaving my child and grandchild out like that - and they expect you to mind the dog!!

I think they are being quite thoughtless and unkind. If you were my daughter I would definitely invite you and your toddler to join us on at least one family holiday a year. Your feelings are valid and understandable and I'm sorry.

I think you’re entirely unreasonable to want to be invited everywhere your parents go at your age and with a child. Perhaps they are going for a rest, I certainly wouldn’t want a toddler on my holiday! Sorry OP but it’s time to grow up and make your own plans.

Can I just make it clear, brother is 7, so it's not that they're only wanting an adult only holiday. I know I need to keep my nose out of their business, but I thought I was close enough to them to want me to come along too. Sorry just needed a bit of a rant I guess, I'm a sensitive soul and the little things seem to be hurting me a lot recently 😔

I think that a bit of a harsh answer tbh.

OP has offered to get a train and meet them at the destination and they still said no. It’s incredibly hurtful to be left out of holidays and even more so to be asked to look after the dog!!

I can’t imagine treating any member of my family like this OP and I feel really sorry for you.

What an unpleasant post

No more dogsitting OP. Unless it involves a payment that you're relying on (or you rely on their babysitting)

Can you ask why you’re being left out? Are they all going? Is it because you can’t afford it/they think they’ll have to pay for you? Can’t lie, I’d be really upset.

OP you have every reason to feel hurt - I think your family are out of order and if I was you I would refuse to look after the dog!

Actually, the more I think about it the more awful they sound expecting you to dog sit while they go off in multiple holidays…

Why?? I was a single parent for years , my parents never invited us, I fed their cat. I’m an adult! I really can’t understand how the OP can feel offended by their entirely reasonable behaviour.

People on MN have such weird harsh and cold attitudes to adult kids. I would invite my daughter and toddler at least once a year on hols in this situation. Esp if she was alone and struggling.

What’s wrong with people? Parenting and support ends at 18? 16? Glad that’s not my world.

YANBU, that sounds really unkind.

Yes all 4 of them are going, I've asked if there's a reason and she said it's because they assumed I wouldn't want to go (although I've said before how much I'd love to go). I've said I'm more than happy to pay for mine and toddlers expenses. I think it's simply that they don't want us there

I know right??

Im 42 and still go away with my family! I would hate to be like some posters in here and assume just because I’m an ‘adult’ I wouldn’t be invited!?

I think you should say you’re not up to taking care of their dog while they are away and they will need to make alternative arrangements.

If the dps were holidaying with just their ds (7) that might be a fair comment. But the OP'S grandparents go too! So it's an extended family holiday. It's not unreasonable for the OP to feel hurt that the inclusion doesn't extend to her and her young dc.
I understand why you feel hurt OP

If you were my dd I'd invite you at least once a year. I wouldn't every time, because toddlers are a lot different to 7 year olds in terms of how much they can do and naps and things.
I can see that there might not be room in the car though, an extra adult and toddler and toddler stuff is a lot. Couldn't grandparents travel by train?

I've seen siamese cats with more compassion than you.

I think I’d be a petty cow and refuse to have the dog. I’m even more horrified at this. They know you’d love to go so not being asked is double painful. 😢

you cannot be serious @Youcannotbeseriousreally

Toddler stopped day napping at 9m old (yep, send help!!), but I can understand how they'd be limited. They usually only go for walks on their holidays, or go for a drive so probably not ideal for a baby who hates the car seat anyway. I believe DGP are taking the car up so they can't go by train. I don't mind staying at home, I think it's just the fact that they didn't ask me. I take everything personally which doesn't help I don't think!

They want a dog sitter more than they want you to come on any holiday with them. That's crap.

Perhaps it's just car space. You say you can drive, although not confident yet. Why not ask to drive yourself and toddler with a grandparent with you for company? That way you'd get some longer distance experience, as well as having your own transport.