Not being invited on family holidays

[Scrambledeggplant]

I'm 26F and have a 1.5yr old toddler, I live alone. I only have contact with my mum, grandparents and brother who I'm close to and I see them every other day. They've booked multiple UK holidays this year ranging from 1-2 weeks and I haven't been invited. They know I get incredibly lonely, and that I have severe depression which has become worse recently resulting in having to up my medication. I've been asked to look after the dog, which I said yes that's fine to, but I'm struggling to look after my toddler so it'll be a bit difficult. I said last year about coming away with them but they said there isn't enough room or isn't enough room in the car. I offered to pay each time and get a train down, but they still say no.

AIBU to feel a little bit hurt that they don't invite me and toddler along? They're the only family I have, and I'm not a confident enough driver to drive far or feel comfortable going away with just me and toddler at the moment.

Honestly, I cannot believe how many people on this thread need an invite from their parents for their holiday. Time to get a life folks!

Sorry, just read your last message.
I'd ask you.
Don't know what's the matter with them.

Yanbu, can't imagine why they would want to exclude their other child. What do they say when you ask? Are there other small kids? Maybe they want to book your brother into a club and just have adult time?

That's grim OP. Why don't you offer to organise a full family holiday including all of you? (And accessible by public transport, possibly also dog friendly.) Hopefully that should get you on the holiday list.

That is horrible. How could your family be so mean?

I think that's mean of them not to invite you at least to one a year. We have a holiday booked with our 14 year old, also booking one later but invited my 20, 22 year old and her 6 month old. I'm delighted my 2 adult kids are coming with us. It may be a bit more difficult with the 6 month old, but it's her first holiday and I'm glad to be there for it.

Time to get some empathy and understanding of people who don't react exactly as you do @Youcannotbeseriousreally !

Wait, your brother is only 7? So essentially, your parents have a young child of their own and are basically just going on holiday with their small child and his grandparents, in much the same way that they would have done with you when you were little.

I think that's very different to a bunch of adults going on holiday together and not inviting you.

I understand that you would like to have gone, but I think it's completely normal for parents not to invite their 26-year-old, who is a parent herself, on holiday. You're an adult with a child of her own. There's nothing wrong with holidaying with family, but I really, really don't think it's reasonable to expect to go with them when you're an adult parent.

I'm betting that if you go with them they'd have to pay for kennels. I'd start refusing to look after the dog.

Yep I suspect they aren’t inviting you so you are free to dog sit.

Sod that. Book your own holiday for the same dates.

My mum is also a single mum so it's her, Db and both grandparents. I'm definitely not expecting to go, but I would've liked to be offered especially as they know how much I'm struggling at the moment and having recently relapsed. Obviously I'm not going to show my upset to them, I was just a bit confused about how I should be feeling in this situation. They're also inviting my aunt & uncle and their 3 kids to one in July so maybe I just felt a bit left out. I think it's the major anxiety of being left completely on my own for a while, but I understand that's probably a "me problem" that I need to get over

So essentially, your parents have a young child of their own and are basically just going on holiday with their small child and his grandparents, in much the same way that they would have done with you when you were little

So what's odd about the OP wanting exactly the same? I.e. going on holiday with her toddler and his/her grandparents?? @KreedKafer
The only difference is the toddler's great grandparents would be there too.
Should be lovely!

I would be very hurt too OP. I honestly don't understand some families. It seems cruel.

Read the updates

She has a 7 year-old brother. So not much rest.

Have you read the updates yet?

Wow, I'm not surprised you feel hurt op. Initially I thought that perhaps your db was older, and they wanted adults only holidays, but as that isn't the case that's really thoughtless of them. Under the circumstances you really do need to do more yourself, remember that you are the only person that you and your dc can rely on. Have a go at a couple of mini breaks to places you can get to by train, or even a couple of organised coach trips to get your confidence. Once you have it, wouldn't it be a shame if you were no longer available to dog sit 😉, which I suspect is the real reason they aren't inviting you.
My dd is almost 19 btw, hell would freeze over before she was excluded.

Time to not be quite so spiteful

It's not a 'need' it's a 'would be quite a nice thing to do'

She's on her own. Totally.

Were you?

Do you think you are replicating the coldness you were shown by your parents towards your own kids? It happens. People often claim ‘independence’ as a defence mechanism to hide the fact they weren’t shown affection and can ‘do it all’ alone.

Sending you hugs OP. You sound lonely and vulnerable and deserve better. Are you a bit of a people-pleaser? Do you ever assert yourself? Do you have any kind friend to go away with?

I think I may be a bit of a people pleaser, never really thought about it. But I also know when I'm being taken for a ride and when to say no though. I've never had any friends. Think that's down to my stubbornness more than anything. Had a friendship last one week when I was 20, but she was my exs girlfriend at the time and that didn't go down well

If your family let you down then it might be time to think about establishing a different network of support. Maybe think about what kind of friends you would like. Just don’t be taken advantage of re the dog-sitting…

Yanbu. I love spending time with my dds who are 17 and 19. If they were older and on their own with a toddler that wouldn't change. I'd invite them at least once in a year.

They don't want you to go as otherwise there would be nobody to feed the dog, I think it's as simple as that.

OP, I think you are being poorly treated, but please do somethings for yourself. You need more people than your family, and although you feel alone, somewhere there will be other young mums also feeling alone. Try and go to toddler groups, library story times, anywhere you can find where people like yourself must be. Remember the things you used to enjoy, and find a way back to those things. Maybe you can share them with your toddler one day, or maybe you'll find friends along the way.
It's really good that you can drive, try and build up your confidence in little steps.
Be very, very kind to yourself. As kind as you'd be to someone else.
Families are weird, but we're stuck with them.
There will be friends out there for you. There will be much better times than these.
I really hope you find them soon.