Not being invited on family holidays

[Scrambledeggplant]

I'm 26F and have a 1.5yr old toddler, I live alone. I only have contact with my mum, grandparents and brother who I'm close to and I see them every other day. They've booked multiple UK holidays this year ranging from 1-2 weeks and I haven't been invited. They know I get incredibly lonely, and that I have severe depression which has become worse recently resulting in having to up my medication. I've been asked to look after the dog, which I said yes that's fine to, but I'm struggling to look after my toddler so it'll be a bit difficult. I said last year about coming away with them but they said there isn't enough room or isn't enough room in the car. I offered to pay each time and get a train down, but they still say no.

AIBU to feel a little bit hurt that they don't invite me and toddler along? They're the only family I have, and I'm not a confident enough driver to drive far or feel comfortable going away with just me and toddler at the moment.

do they give you a lot of support otherwise OP?

Im sorry your family are treating you so poorly. My assumption is that they need you to look after the dog which is why you aren't being invited.

I think you need to stop agreeing to do this and see what they put in place instead.

And then maybe approach them a little while later and ask that you all go on holiday together - where and when can they come away with you? Make you be the driver of the holiday together rather than passively waiting to see if they invite you. You can find options for them and see which one they prefer

Do you belong to any baby or toddler groups?. It’s a good way to meet other mums and maybe you can then go away with other mums.

Why not go on holiday on your own with your child ?

This is very harsh. If my daughter was a single parent I would invite her on at least one holiday. They’re lucky she’s looking after their dog for them. If it was me I would charge😐

They’re excluding you, OP, it’s horrible behaviour.

Please refuse to have their dog. Just tell them it’s too much with a toddler.

I would say to Mum that you really want to come .Say you are lonely and would welcome a break .Maybe offer to put dog in kennels if you can?

I think the fact that they are inviting extended family and their kids mean they see you as just someone to look after their dog…which is a really shitty thing.

OP what’s your day to day relationship like with them? I think you said that you see each other fairly regularly?

Can you afford to cover the full cost of going? That would be accomodation, food, transport and days out?
I wonder if you are not invited because they know you can't really and they can't afford to pay all this for you.?
It's probably cheeper and easier to get accommodation for 4 than 6 . I suspect this is the main reason.

Maybe work on your own confidence including driving further, expanding friendships via work or baby groups etc Book a holiday for just you and your child.

Also do they help you much with your child ? Could it be they need a holiday from this???

They're very wealthy truth be told, so I don't think it's because of the cost. Not that I'd evrt expect them to cover for me as I earn a decent amount as an online antiques reseller. I've been driving for 9 years but I think it's my anxiety that makes it so difficult to drive far. I have a 50yr old classic car which also won't make it very far either! They don't look after him, no. I might ask my mum to watch him once a week while I have a shower but it's not a regular thing

@Scrambledeggplant

So you're close to your immediate family but they're not close to you? If they reciprocated how you feel towards them they'd not exclude you from every family holiday so that you can look after the dog. They'd also think twice before inviting your aunt, uncle and their three children and not invite you. Do your aunt and uncle have a pet they want you to look after too?

I think you need to make your own plans for yourself and your child and stop being so accommodating to people who don't show you the love, consideration and support you deserve. Next time they ask you to dog sit don't hesitate to say "I'm sorry that doesn't work for me". No need to give long explanations why - they can make other arrangements. Stay strong and make your own future. 🌹

@Newestname002
Agree.

The cynic in me says they don't ask you so that you're there for the dog and saving them money by not having to pay someone.

It is really mean to never let you go with them especially when your brother is still a little boy.

Sorry it's so rubbish. Do you have any friends you could have a little break with, who may share the drive with you?

Do your DGP live with your DM and DB?

Although it's weird they are inviting your Aunt and Uncle but not you...

Truthfully, would their dynamic massively change if you were there?

I know you're struggling but you've also mentioned no friends. That isn't really the norm.

I have family members that I couldn't go away with.

I say this kindly, but do you think they dont ask you because they want someone to look after the dog? It's so much cheaper than kennels.

People are so unkind on this thread. If I told my parents I wanted to go away with them, they'd love that. You are not being unreasonable to feel hurt by this OP

That's utterly crap OP and a bit of a weird dynamic given your mum is also a single mother with a small child, I would expect she would understand how this might make you feel. Not least since she's also your mum!

Fwiw I am recently separated with a small child and find myself astonished at the lack of sympathy in these sorts of matters with my parents and siblings. I feel more excluded now than ever. Only thing I can suggest is trying to forge new friendships and finding those people who want you around.

How horrible of them. Are they always so awful?

I think being your brother being only 7 has much to do with it. Grandparents dote on grandchildren and maybe they feel they want to dote on him. Maybe pla. A trip for just you and your dc.

I wonder what's going on here. You say you see your family every other day, and that you have severe depression and have just had a relapse, and that you have no one else in your life. I wonder if they feel they need a break, hence not asking you on holiday? It can be tiring supporting someone with MH issues.

If you're close, could you have a conversation about this? Maybe they are struggling.

Whatever their reason, it sounds upsetting for you, op.

Have you tried joining some mums and toddler groups to make some friends, op? Then you might not depend quite so much on your parents.

All sounds a bit weird with your mum especially as she's inviting other extended family on another holiday with them. Being charitable, I wonder if it's a mix of things...

• toddler & 7yo activities (quite different)
• car space
• grandparents looking after your toddler and not mum's 7yo (guessing they do this and your mum enjoys the peace).
• free dog sitting

I'd work on your driving, maybe swap the classic car for something that you can drive further, then build up your confidence. If your mum might be open to babysitting in the evening, then I'd suck up the dog sitting for now and use her so you can widen your social circle. Go along to any local groups, try lots of new things and see if any of them seem friendly.

I think when you’re an adult with your own child , you make your own holiday plans. I wouldn’t expect my parents to be taking me on holiday with them at your age.

The OP's dm is an adult with her own child and she's holidaying with her parents. The OP is simply suggesting doing exactly that. What's the difference?

What has wanting to go on hols with your family got to do with being an adult and making your own plans. Lots and lots and many more book hols with their extended family . How does that mean op wants to be treated like a child... erm no.. she just wants to book some hols with them... and for context when you're a family you don't cut your daughter out so all this rubbish about its their choice is rude. I'm sure they could allow for one of the trips for their daughter who offered to pay and get the train to go with them.