Fawning/obsessing over people you don't know

[Sparklybutold]

Why? Just why? I don't need to name names as it's bloody everywhere!

Of course it's sad when ANYONE is unwell or experiences something stressful, but why do strangers become so occupied with it?

Even as a teen I never understood the fan base that pop bands etc would get, sure I enjoyed the music, but would always look on with bemusement at the obsession. When I see people screaming, crying at people, they don't know, I just do not get it.

Especially when these same people are able to access resources the majority of us could only dream of! At the same time, millions of people suffer/die because of the same issue, but are simply born to the 'wrong' family. So to then adorn the people who have everything with more adoration/concern - is beyond crazy to me.

So, am I being a grumpy git? (Likely) or do you also think for god sakes get a grip!

I don't subscribe to the idea that a particular family are inherently superior to the rest us because of their ancestory so I've never really understand the worship of the RF. Of course it's sad when anyone is seriously unwell, but I feel no more emotion about Katherine's condition than I would on being told that any other stranger has cancer. The fact is that unlike the vast majority of people with cancer she will not be at the mercy of NHS waiting lists and staffing shortages and nor will she have to worry about the financial implications of long term ill health. It's still sad, but her chances of making a full recovery are significantly better than those in a less privileged position.

People who are falling over themselves to express how "devestated" they are about her diagnosis are really just making it about them. It's like when the Twin Towers fell and you had people going "oh my god, we were in New York just a few months ago" as if that means anything at all. People like to try to insert themselves into events of historic significance of national dramas that play out in the media, either by making links to their own experience or competing over who is the most "distraught".

@NooNakedJacuzziness
I have to 'fess up to doing exactly that when I used to go and see The Walker Brothers! 🤦‍♀️
Can I be let off the hook as I was only around 15?🙏

I have never understood it either. But I think it's a form of brainwashing and it started with Diana. When images are constantly pushed at you, some people start to feel a connection. There's also group think. If everybody on mumsnet is wishing the likes of Kate well, nobody want to swim against the tide and say 'I don't give a toss'. They want to belong to the group, hence group think

Mmm, I'm not sure of your motives here really OP.

Are you actually asking a genuine question about why people get upset when something happens to a celebrity that they like?

Or is this just another way to have a pop at an establishment that you object to?

Because with your references to privilege and money, plus your later comments on this post, it really does feel like the latter.

Also, I notice that lots of PP who are strongly agreeing with you are also voicing similar distaste for the monarchy.

I'm not someone who has ever, even as a teenager, been prone to outpourings of emotion. I was never fanatical about bands. I don't really follow entertainment news. I certainly am not slavishly devoted to anyone because they're in the public eye. And I mention all this just to underline the point that I'm not defending my own actions here.

I remember working with a woman when Diana died. She was genuinely distraught. She cried at work about it, and she went to lay flowers. A lot of people thought she was a bit OTT but she did genuinely experience those emotions. She had DC, young boys, and she had also lost her own mother when young, so I think the tragedy brought up very raw emotions in her.

If you are legitimately and honestly asking why people get so caught up, then it's not a straightforward answer. There are so many possible reasons.

Let's use Catherine and her announcement as an example. Reasons people might be upset:

Maybe they have young children of their own and can't imagine having to tell them that their mum has cancer.

Maybe they lost their own mum at a young age.

Maybe someone close to them has cancer right now/maybe they just lost someone to cancer

Maybe they're a royalist and are caught in the whole Catherine/William/Harry/Meghan shenanigans and feel protective of Catherine.

Maybe they've followed royal news for years and feel a sense of familiarity with Catherine and her family. I think it's called parasocial bonding. Particularly now in the age of social media when so much information is constantly sprayed around, it's not difficult to feel as if you "know" someone, even while at the same time on a rational level, you are aware that they are just a stranger. Humans naturally yearn for connections, and when you've seen someone for years, like Catherine, it's not unusual to feel some level of emotion - even though the intensity of that emotion may be very variable!

Some people are just really empathic and emotional. That might be annoying to you but it's genuine and just how they are.

And of course, for some people the outpouring might be performative. A way of inserting themselves into someone else's news for attention.

That's just off the top of my head. There are probably tons of other reasons.

I find the people mocking others for feeling emotional are a bit sneery and judgey, and typically there's another agenda such as being anti-royal, or (commonly on MN) pro-Meghan and anti-Catherine. It seems to be on these types of issues everything has to be binary - if you like/support one side you must use any opportunity to attack the other. It's just shit tbh.

I think it's fine to be a bit bewildered by why others feel such strong emotions, but some of the comments on this thread are just deliberately mean.

Bear in mind I'm autistic and spend most of my life trying to work out why the fuck people act the way they do 😅

Yeah, I don't get it either but then I struggle with forming emotional attachments to people in general so I wouldn't care a jot about someone I don't know.

👍🏻

'Bear in mind I'm autistic and spend most of my life trying to work out why the fuck people act the way they do 😅' 😂ditto

Certainly PoW prompted my post, but there is an underbelly that I'm referring too that could apply to any celebrity or alike.

So yes, PoW - I am anti-monarch but there's also the fact that she exists in a world that many many people would never experience and therefore the outpouring of love etc feels befuddling to me. She really doesn't need it and actually it only serves to further prop up there position. It feels misplaced and I just can't understand why people would waste energy on someone who frankly wouldn't give a rats ass if the situation was reversed.

Then the same applies to other celebrities etc, the fact we put so many people on a pedestal? Why? They are flesh and blood like you and I yet garner a position in society that renders them untouchable, accessing things that we never could.

My own mum died when I was 2. Her death occurred due to medical mismanagement. This would never happen with the likes of PoW. This makes me angry. It points to a 2 tier system which I find abhorrent.

Are you jealous of their wealth and private health care?

This is an interesting question as my own position is one that many would say is privileged. So no - it's not this.

Fair enough.
I think people who accept the monarchy for what it is generally don’t fawn over them. You get the die hards who camp out at all events but that’s their choosing. I wouldn’t, but do find it bizarre that they do.
I did cry the 1st time I saw Prince in concert and again when he died. I was more gutted he died of an accidental overdose as I honestly didn’t think he would be so silly 🙄🤦‍♀️
I don’t class myself as a stalker though

They’re all just people, not some species of super human

But you’re missing the point. OP wasn’t trying to hide anything, just wanted to examine the strangeness of many people’s reactions.

I agree with he general sentiment, but I think that this quoted point is too far. It's normal to feel some minimal care or give some attention to people who you know of through their work, even if they don't know you exist. For example, I felt genuinely sad when my favourite author died. I didn't cry or post gushing things on social media, but within myself I felt sad. I think that this is normal and measured attention to give a stranger.

The royal family are like that too, to some people. They remember Kate getting married and having children, and they feel sad for a diagnosis like this because they know her through her 'work'. I do agree that obsession and fawning is too much, but there is definitely a normal level of attention that one can pay famous people without crossing that line.

It seems to be on these types of issues everything has to be binary

thank you for putting this into words. That’s what I feel too. Similarly with world situations.

I wouldn't think you a stalker or a fawner, just a fan. Who wouldn't be sad to think that they won't ever again hear or see somebody they've admired? I think that's normal behaviour. I was sad about Alan Rickman, I've liked him in every film. Also Richard Griffiths and many other actors. It's more a poignancy than anything else when I see those films/programmes now.

I'm very sorry for Catherine and for Charles, cancer is a shitty disease. That said, as PP have mentioned, they will never have to worry about being seen, getting treatment in time, paying bills. Disliking the inequity of the RF's position doesn't mean that the people are disliked, just the system that allows it.

I have no views on any of the royal family but I think they have not served a purpose and still don't. I feel the same about most politicians and feel anger towards them as they have a mandate to serve yet fail abysmally.

I was thinking about the last time I would have felt so strongly and it was for Hugh Grant's portrayal of the prime minister in Love Actually. He was incredible (the character, not HG). I can't be on my own in that, the writer came up with this superhero politician, the complete antithesis of what we have to put up with the UK. If we actually had a PM like that, I would fawn.

and Cesarina, you're off the hook cos, Walker Brothers...

I was made to feel like the odd ball amongst my friends when I wouldn’t camp outside the local hotel when Boyzone were staying during a tour.

i think some of the outpourings seen is almost a contagion and teenaged girls especially egg one another on.

I privately admit though I think I would cry if I met the Holy Father

I think the phenomenon of celebrity fawning is the same as celebrity crushes. I just watched a whole film that I have little interest in because I fancy the actor who plays the main character. What's that about? I have never met this man, and if I did, I don't think I'd like him (and he would obviously pay me no attention at all, rightly so). If I saw his photo in a magazine without any context, I doubt it would strike me at all. But I've had years of exposure to this man on camera in various films and now there is some 'attraction' component to my brain that responds to seeing him on a screen. It doesn't really make sense, it's not even like I found them attractive the first few times I saw him act, it's like a mixture of familiarity and being told they're attractive that eventually gets you on side. I think that royal family interest is like that. It's a slow trickle of exposure over time that makes them feel familiar, mixed with being told they're good and important people, and in the end people end up invested.

Really interesting insight.

There's a heartbreaking thread in chat and the title was something like "in floods of tears about PoW". Turns out the poor op had a DH who was treated for cancer and told they would do "preventative chemo" then they decided he didn't need it so they didn't do it. He died a year later and now the op is devastated all over again. She wasn't being jealous just upset about the injustice of it all.

I too don't understand all the outpouring of grief when a celebrity dies. When David Bowie passed over my friend was bursting into tears every five minutes. I don't get it. Yes it's sad when someone dies or gets a terrible diagnosis but we don't know these people.

They do a lot of charity work. Duke of Edinburgh, Princes Trust, Homewards etc.
People enjoy following them. They enjoy meeting them.
I can respect your opinion that they serve no purpose but to some they do.
I don’t think anyone should be judged because they follow any sort of celebrity.

This is exactly the horrible underbelly I'm referring to.

Oof, interesting and resonant thread considering my current situation as I've been on the receiving end of this since my DP died a little shy of two years ago.

I'm currently a complete mess because of the way some people in his wide circle of acquaintances have behaved. The outpouring of grief and horror as his death was sudden and unexpected was utterly bewildering while I was trying to process everything myself. I don't doubt alot was genuine but I suppose due to my own failings as a human the message I got was that everybody else's feelings were more important than my own and I felt duty bound to show "resilience" in his "honour".

I have about a dozen people left I feel I can truly trust, I question every motivation behind people suddenly "reaching out" because I'm not sure if it's genuine concern or yet another attempt to have some of his glory rub off on them.

For context he was as he laughingly called himself a Z list local celebrity in a niche profession and also a performer. He was, simply, brilliant - obviously I'm biased - but he was almost deified by people who he'd only drunk with in local bars.

Any time I've tried to explain my very complex feelings about the last two years people have been shocked and recoiled and there have been subtle hints about lack of gratitude.

It's very complicated and sorry for waffling on but the general thrust of this thread is resonant.

When Helen McCrory died from cancer, I had a bit of a cry because it wasn't long since I'd sat at my Mum's deathbed and it did make those emotions resurface. However that was a few minutes, privately, at home. Of course I can be empathetic to other people's suffering, but unless I'm in a position to genuinely offer support in times of trouble I wouldn't insert myself in someone's life without being sure it would be appreciated.

My only conclusion is that humans are baffling and complex, and social media /media in general has alot to answer for.

I understand your wider point - I felt like this especially when watching a documentary on Michael Jackson, it was as though some people would pick up a kitchen knife and cut out their own kidney if he'd asked. Having said that, the thing I find most disconcerting wrt Kate and the fanfare is because the general mood and media surrounding all this is in stark contrast to her sister in law who couldn't sneeze for the outpouring of vitriol. I just find that in particular bizarre, but other than that obsessing over so called idols must be symptomatic of a wider issue because it just seems so unhinged.

GoonieGang, I respect your opinion that they have value. They are not the only people who do charity work but any charity work they do has a far higher profile.

There is a marked difference between following/enjoying - and fawning, there are enough examples on this thread and elsewhere. When people act in public then other people will judge behaviour that is alien to their own, that is a fact of life and how we find our tribes.

This particular thread is about fawning and obsessing though and there are myriad examples of that on social media and here. Most recently it's been prevalent about the RF and for me it's difficult to have any respect for some of the posts on those threads albeit it within guidelines, people can post what they want.

MistressoftheDarkSide, I'm very sorry to read your post about your husband, I can't imagine how difficult that must be for you.