Fawning/obsessing over people you don't know

[Sparklybutold]

Why? Just why? I don't need to name names as it's bloody everywhere!

Of course it's sad when ANYONE is unwell or experiences something stressful, but why do strangers become so occupied with it?

Even as a teen I never understood the fan base that pop bands etc would get, sure I enjoyed the music, but would always look on with bemusement at the obsession. When I see people screaming, crying at people, they don't know, I just do not get it.

Especially when these same people are able to access resources the majority of us could only dream of! At the same time, millions of people suffer/die because of the same issue, but are simply born to the 'wrong' family. So to then adorn the people who have everything with more adoration/concern - is beyond crazy to me.

So, am I being a grumpy git? (Likely) or do you also think for god sakes get a grip!

Totally get that, Spaghetti, I often have a bit of a cry when I hear about things that people have gone through/are going through. Either it's something I've gone through myself or somebody else I know has or I just imagine how awful it must be. I think that's normal empathy.

I felt very sad at Jade Goody's death, she was young, with young boys and had been so exploited. She did quite a lot to raise the profile of getting checked for ovarian cancer. If I'd been in charge of the honour's list, she would have got one for that - her horrendous circumstances gave rise to tremendous benefit to women.

I did not buy Marmite in her name, nor line the streets with it, nor stand in the road screeching at her coffin. I did make a donation to cancer research 'for her'.

Oh yes - I remember the jump made when I refused to clap. That I didn't care. I felt quite the opposite. I was outraged at the lack of care and follow through. It was sinister and scary how everyone just went along because it 'looked' like the right thing to do. Even the woman who started it regretted it!

Honestly what a twatty thing to say. Do you despise everyone with more cash then you?

Do you not read stories in the paper about sad situations and feel sad? Or is it just people less successful than yourself?

Do you read a story about a child who has died and not feel sad? Or when you realise they have some privilege, you think fuck em?

I think its sad you can't have empathy

👍🏻

YANBU - things have reached fever pitch over the past few days. Reminds me of the mass hysteria when Diana died.

Yes, Westfacing, I think that was the turning point for mass hysteria to become the norm and society is worse for that.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

“It's almost as if the worshipper believes that their devotion will cause the starry-dust to rub off on them.”

That is a very interesting point, it articulates something which is very apparent on the RF threads at the moment. Many of the regular posters are being very self-congratulatory about not being sucked into the weird conspiracy theories or ‘not being vile’. They want to feel they are in the ‘cool-girls’ gang.

Personally I find it all terribly concerning and posted about the existence of a 3-way toxic relationship between the RF, the media, and the followers of the RF. They RF needs to be adored by the public in order to exist, the media needs the clicks generated by its stories, and parts of the general public lap it all up and feed the relationship. It’s not how a healthy society should function.

I think this was aimed at me? I have empathy, of course I do. Of course it's sad. But it goes beyond this. That's what I find befuddling and that's what this thread is about.

And fwiw - someone's cash flow is another topic altogether. This is about the over-the-top fawning.

What would an unsuccessful recovery look like, exactly?

I agree with you OP. I find the general adoration of the royal family bizarre and illogical. I sorry anyone has cancer and am as sorry that Charles and Kate have it as much as anyone else who I don't know has it.
I can't get my head around why people seem so obsessed with the royal family. Other than the fact they happen to be born into the family or married into it they seem very unremarkable.

I wish they would all abdicate. What particularly annoys me is when senior politicians and other people in the public eye fawn over them. They are not elected and don't do anything that's impressive. I bet the fact that they are hoping to receive some sort of honour has something to do with it.
The grief some people experienced when the Queen died was extreme. I can see she was a better leader than the current lot but even so. She was a stranger to 99.99% of the UK.

Very well put. This is the toxicity of why it feels sinister. I do see it as unhealthy as it allows the rot to fester and continue.

I used to scream and sob over my favourite band as a teenager but I put that down to hormones and experiencing my first sexual feelings. It was all overwhelming.
Now I'm in my 40s I don't idolise anyone. I still admire certain people. Music has a profound effect on me so I admire certain musicians. Same goes for writers. I'm essentially admiring their talent. I also admire one or two politicians who I see as a force for good.
However, I see these people as flawed human beings like the rest of us. I don't fawn over them or idolise them.
It always amuses me when I read these threads on Mumsnet "Who's the nicest celebrity you've ever met?". The level of fawning!! People describe perfectly normal interactions between them and a celebrity in such a fawning way. Yes OK, the celebrity sounds like a pleasant person but why shouldn't they be? They're only human. It's like" I met Cat Deeley and she was soooo lovely. Genuinely interested in my life. Asked me how I was doing. Such a warm and kind person". The thing is if you had the same conversation with a cashier at the supermarket or with your dustman you wouldn't be raving about them in the same way. I think we all need to start appreciating the wonderful non-famous people we know and stop putting celebrities on a pedestal.

I think fawning over people like QE2 and the PoW is a safe and socially acceptable way for emotionally constipated people to express their inner fantasies/thoughts/feelings about pretty much anything. It’s just a release of pent up emotion. For someone like QE2, there was a momentousness which amplified those feelings, and for Catherine it’s that she’s a “young mum”. But at the bottom of it all is people who don’t know what their feelings are, or who know but can’t or won’t express them, using a safe way to express fervent and deep emotion. It’s very childish.

YANBU, it's all very odd.

I think your post helps illustrate the problem. Empathy is an interesting emotion, and it’s an important part of human socialisation. However we often need to engage our brains beyond our immediate initial emotional response.

A young child dies in unfortunate circumstances, most of us feel sad and can relate to the suffering. For some reading about it, talking to others is all they do.
Wouldn’t it be better to use this empathy further? Think about what could be done to prevent such awful things happening, maybe what can I do to help young mothers locally in similar circumstances, could I volunteer at the food bank, write to my MP, vote differently in future?

Maybe rather than posting memes about a famous person with cancer, I could do some fund-raising for my local hospice, or donate some money to Cruse.

My main worry about all this public out-pouring of concern is people are focusing their energies in something that makes them feel better rather than doing something that makes a difference. I know people can do both, but do many really? Wouldn’t the money spent on all of the flowers left outside Buckingham Palace been better spent on a charity Diana supported or a campaign on seat-belt wearing.

@SomethingUniqueThisTime

Yes!!! This with bells on it!

Yeah I get it OP, it’s the parasocial bit or people who burst into tears about someone they don’t know. I’d feel momentary sadness for anyone suffering but I’m rarely emotionally invested in it. I do wonder sometimes if people are like that with people they know. Do they dissolve into tears when Kelly from the corner shop who they’ve seen every Saturday morning for ten years got breast cancer?

I suspect many are not so good at showing empathy towards someone they know. They’re much more likely to criticise Kelly behind her back because she didn’t go to her mammogram appointments and formula fed her 3 children.

They are insecure in themselves and project what they feel they lack onto those figures, then try to live vicariously through them.

A lot of people are a bit thick too.

It's actively encouraged.

I counted 26 articles on the DM app this morning.

I will never understand it.

I can't imagine other rational European countries behaving this way about their own celebs or royals.

It's absolutely baffling.

Inclined to agree with you there.

I don’t want to risk this thread being taken down as a TAAT, but I’ve just read a comment on one of current RF threads saying POW’s diagnosis and her video response made her ‘feel like one of us’ and the poster added this very intriguing and thought-provoking phrase ‘It made me feel better about the state of the world … We’ve had such a leadership vacuum both on a macro and micro level.

It’s feels quite a scary response.

I have often wondered whether these major public emotional events are somehow a response to what is happening collectively in society at a point in time. Obviously the clapping for the NHS during Covid and the Captain Tom madness was a response to how people were feeling during the pandemic, responding to social isolation and some people’s inability to do something constructive to hold the Govt to account.

is this a purely British response to collective frustration? Does it happen in other countries to the same degree? Is it the main function of the Royal Family? Is it detrimental?

A lot of people are a bit thick too

And some are just unpleasant.