A wedding question

[askingaquestionaboutthis]

Hi,

Partner of 9 years has finally (😂) started to make some noises about us getting married. He has floated the idea of a beach wedding in somewhere abroad (initial idea is Santorini) with just nearest and dearest (parents and bridesmaids etc) and our children there, followed by a party back home to celebrate where we can invite wider family and friends. He seems to think this would work out cheaper than a UK wedding. What are people's thoughts on the financial aspect of abroad versus home, and also just general pros and cons of each I might not have considered?

Thank you!

@ShellUK09 oh wow only 5k! That's amazing. I mean I'm hoping to get it under 12k, if we can do that I'll be happy.

Greece is lovely but agree with previous comment re santorini - maybe another Greek island would be better.

If you are paying for the flights and accommodation for all guests invited go for it!

just get married in the village hall or whatever ffs. Nobody really cares, save Santorini for the honeymoon

@DaoineSidhe
"Nobody really cares" 😂 except us, the bride and groom. But yeah fuck it. Why should we do anything we want to right? 😂

This thread is nuts 😂
And incredibly entertaining

No the kids wouldn't be staying for the honeymoon, they'd be travelling back with the rest of the family, if we did it abroad of course.

Besides which, the older ones aren't really "kids" anymore and certainly wouldn't be by 2027. The only actual child would be our youngest and my parents would happily take her home for us to honeymoon.

2027? Why? 😱

Thank you for this! 🩷

To give time to plan and save. I was advised by a friend that trying to plan a wedding in anything less than 2 years is horrifyingly stressful.

The really gorgeous, photogenic side of Santorini (I have holidayed there) is the caldera. It's eye-wateringly expensive to stay and 'live' there (bars, restaurants, etc). It does get cruise ships in the summer and these passengers largely go to Fira (the town at the top of the cable car - the ships dock in the bay there) and Oia, the tip of the caldera (we stayed in Oia for a fortnight in 2003, when it was much less touristy and less expensive than it is now).

The 'other' side of the island is the beach side. It has black, volcanic sand and arethe resorts like any other Greek tourist resort, but more expensive in bars and restaurants, again.

It always SEEMS a 'cheaper' option to marry abroad, but the costs don't half mount up and it's (in my view) unfair to have even a small family/friends party of guests invited there if you then expect them to shell out the cost of transport, accommodation and meals.

also bear in mind he hasn't officially proposed as yet, and he wants to do that first, and he has a specific ring in mind and reading between the lines, its significantly more expensive than I'd be happy with. I told him to scale it right down and that I'd be happy with a ring that's under 1k for example. He's made it clear he wants to do it "properly" and traditionally including the down on one knee proposal, so who am I to take that away from him?

If you've already had children and been together for 9 years before the wedding word was mentioned, the only reason to get married is to make things secure and legal. I can't believe you had children with the man before the wedding if a wedding and marriage is what you wanted all along.

At this point in the relationship, book a register office and have a modest celebration afterwards.

@RosesAndHellebores
A wedding wasn't "what I wanted all along", at all. I've changed my mind over recent years actually.

@RosesAndHellebores

I have never understood this argument. Just because you had children before marriage, you only deserve a minimal register office wedding? Why does them having children mean they can’t have a nice wedding day?

Honestly I think it just depends what is important to you, and what you want out of your wedding day.

Me and 3 of my friends were all wedding planning last year and all had/are having very different weddings!

For DH & I the most important thing for us was having our family & friends there to celebrate with us. Sadly both of our grandparents are unable to fly for health reasons so that pretty much ruled that out straight away! We had a UK wedding and absolutely loved it, we picked somewhere local so it was no hassle for any of our guests and we had a venue that was ours for the whole day, ceremony, 3 course meal etc, I’d describe our wedding as probably very “traditional” and we absolutely loved it!

In contrast, one of the others also had a UK wedding but to keep costs down had a twilight ceremony and that meant instead of there being a 3 course meal, they just put a buffet on later on and that was lovely and worked perfect! It was an amazing wedding for a fraction of the price of ours so I would definitely consider that!

With abroad weddings you really need to think about what you want it to look like and what is reasonable. For example one of our friends getting married in Cyprus has been very strict about no guests, they just want it to be them and their parents, then having a function room evening do back at home. The whole thing including the holiday has cost them less than £3000- which is literally cheaper than our venue alone!

However our other friends who are having their wedding in Greece wanted an abroad wedding but also wanted/expected friends and family to attend. They did give notice so tried to argue that people had time to save to pay for it but the reality is that everybody has their own things going on, people are saving for houses, for their own weddings, for babies, even just saving for holidays somewhere they choose to go. So I think if you choose an abroad wedding you have to do that on the assumption & acceptance that it may just end up being you, your partner and a couple of witnesses. If you’re happy with that then go for it!

I think the best thing to do is sit down properly with your partner (once he actually pulls his finger out and puts a ring on your finger!) and discuss what you actually want your wedding day to look like/be like, is the destination more important than who ends up being there for example? Are you bothered about it being a whole day event or would an evening/twilight package do? Once you have agreed on the basics then you can look at your options :)

And no, just because a couple have been together 9 years and have a child doesn't mean they don't get to have the wedding they want. That's ridiculous logic. Based on what?

THANK You! You just echoed my thoughts perfectly there 😂

But he basically has proposed hasn't he, you've discussed a wedding and are on here discussing plans.

Because the marriage vows are for: the avoidance of sin, the procreation of children and mutual comfort. Marriage was presumably meaningless to you nine years ago, so question from where it's meaning now comes.

What about couples who can't have children? If marriage vows are for the procreation of children, does that mean you shouldn't do it if you can't/don't want kids?

I looked into this and decided it was a logistical nightmare - figuring out where people can stay, which flight they're booking, transfers, flowers, transporting dresses etc. We're going to do it with just the kids with us, as part of a fancier holiday than we'd usually book. Doing that, plus an evening do when you're back, could be an option.

A couple of the bigger tour operators have wedding style brochures. Maybe these can give you some idea of what you would get within the deal - i.e. the wedding, licences, venue, how many people could be accommodated within the package and so on. If you could get a deal for say 15 people then those with more kids have time to save up and pay into the pot.
My DS was pushing the idea of a destination wedding with the family a few years ago - we were up for it - said it would be our holiday for that year. They have since had a baby so a wedding has been put on the back burner. However future DiL has said he hasn't asked her yet!! 😂
If you give people time and notice - then there's no reason that it shouldn't all work out. But I wouldn't think it would be much cheaper than a wedding here tbh and then you add in a party back home.
But a work colleagues best friend did this for her wedding in Cyprus on a boat - it was scorchingly hot with no breeze on a mill pond sea!! But they all dressed up in their same outfits for the party back home!!

This place is mad when it comes to weddings.

Sometimes people choose to have kids first for many reasons. Sometimes people don't want to get married and change their minds. Sometimes life just works out that way.

DH and I got married when DS was 5. DS was a surprise baby, we wanted a big wedding but priorities getting a house near a good school etc sorted first then saving for the wedding we wanted.

Had a glorious wedding in Northumberland. Kept it casual, invited loads of people and all their kids, hired a pizza van instead of a wedding breakfast, basically made it into a huge party. I absolutely did not want a registry office wedding or settle for less than. It's absolutely okay to celebrate your wedding the way you want to.