A wedding question

[askingaquestionaboutthis]

Hi,

Partner of 9 years has finally (😂) started to make some noises about us getting married. He has floated the idea of a beach wedding in somewhere abroad (initial idea is Santorini) with just nearest and dearest (parents and bridesmaids etc) and our children there, followed by a party back home to celebrate where we can invite wider family and friends. He seems to think this would work out cheaper than a UK wedding. What are people's thoughts on the financial aspect of abroad versus home, and also just general pros and cons of each I might not have considered?

Thank you!

Also when people are referring to legal protection, can you elaborate further please? I don't know anything about this so would be useful to learn. For example if DP died tomorrow, what would be different for me and our little girl if we were married vs not? Genuinely asking as I have no clue. Thanks

It wld def be way cheaper. My friend is getting married soon and she says it's costing £30k!

I had a small wedding abroad in Cyprus at a 5 star hotel 8 yrs ago with 15 people in total. It was better than I imagined and we decided not to even have a party when we got home.

I wanted it small & knew lots of family wldnt come and that was a result to be honest 😂 I really just wanted out nearest and dearest there. Canapés after the ceremony then on to a 5 course meal under a private gazebo area on the seafront. We also had a free bar with private party room and a dj for the evening. Also a small wedding cake and a photographer with photo package.

Total cost was about £7k. The holiday for the 2 of us was £2200 and the wedding was around £3000 then my wedding dress and bridal party outfits came to about £2000.

My parents helped my sibling a little with the cost as they had 3 kids so it was going to be expensive for the 5 of them. They managed to book together and get 2 free child places by putting one of the kids on my parents booking. We all got a weeks holiday out of it.

@askingaquestionaboutthis If you have no legal protections in place and are not married and your partner dies or leaves you, you have no rights. You are not his next of kin and do not inherit. If you don't know this, you really need to talk to a solicitor.

Great news! Hope he comes round 😍

There are lots of micro wedding venues around for a small daytime ceremony and then more guests for the evening. They also really don’t have to cost the earth.
COVID meant people had to really scale back weddings and a lot of people (myself included) prefer it that way and it’s stuck around.
Have you also considered a Twilight wedding where the ceremony starts at about 4pm? It means you only have to worry about feeding the guests once, twice if you want to put on a small buffet later, but you save on all the extras like canapés and there’s less time waiting around getting too drunk too early for guests. Weddings I’ve been to like this are great, especially for anyone traveling a long way because they can arrive in time and check into hotels etc. before it all starts. Sounds silly but being able to check in, freshen up and attend is such a more relaxing experience as a guest than getting up at the crack of dawn to drive, arriving dishevelled and having to disappear somewhere between the photos and the wedding breakfast to check into the hotel before you can finally relax and enjoy yourself!

i can tell you what it is, rubbish. Of course weddings abroad are recognised here!

(I got married abroad nearly twenty years ago).

Lots of legal benefits to being married.

The main one is - if he leaves you, you can make a claim to all the joint wealth of the household. Particularly crucial if you took time out of work after having kids, but he didn't. If unmarried, he can leave you almost completely destitute.

If he died without a will, you'd automatically inherit as his wife.

There are other benefits like some tax breaks and things like that, that I don't know as much about.

But the main benefit is if he leaves you. It happens, op. A lot.

Depends entirely where you get married, I got married abroad too and we specifically picked a location where it meant the wedding was legal, it’s not everywhere.

Some places you still need to do a registry office in the UK too and I didn’t want to bother with duplicating.

If you decide to get married in say Afghanistan, then yes it could be problematic. But I am talking about most “normal” destination weddings such as in Europe, Caribbean etc. or my own, which was in the US.

Personally for me
Small registry office / wedding, big party & then holiday with kids

@askingaquestionaboutthis this article talks about the legal differences between marriage and living together. I posted it earlier up thread but here it is again:

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/#:~:text=Your%20legal%20rights%20as%20a,than%20if%20you're%20married.

It’s the party/meal that’s the expensive bit of getting married isn’t it, so I don’t really see how getting married abroad and having a party later saves money? You still have to feed everyone etc. why not have a small ceremony in the UK and then the party straight after, or find a nice place for just the ceremony (registry office / civil wedding doesn’t have to be small and non-fancy) and then do the party?

@Stickyricepudding thank you

I think that if you are having an abroad wedding you should pay for the guests and make sure that it is as convenient as possible for them.
Much better for everyone and likely to be a similar cost if not less when you look at the cost of flights is a small venue local to you or the majority of the guests.There are lots of ways to do it eg DD had ceremony at an historic venue, canapés there and lunch at a restaurant but she has been to a picnic in a park after registry office ( snazzy one) , barn do it your self type, meal at bride's parents after church, etc etc. People get swept up into videographers, favours, hair dressers , etc but pare all that back and you can still have a magical day with everyone that you love present which I would have thought is the ideal.

@askingaquestionaboutthis

https://cartwrightking.co.uk/articles/family/legal-rights-of-cohabitation-vs-marriage/

It's Greece! They eat Greek food and it's hot!

If you want to have a legal marriage overseas, make sure you speak to a local person/wedding co-ordinator about ensuring that all the legal formalities are met. Some countries require you to be in the country a certain number of days in advance; or to register with their local town office. Very many require you to bring a Certificate of No Impediment with you (which you get from your local register office, but you need to attend a meeting several weeks in advance and bring various i/d with you.)

When you get your foreign marriage certificate it'll likely be in a foreign language, so get it translated and apostiled whilst you are still there in the country. Try and get a few legal copies if you can, just in case you lose one some time later!

What I'm trying to say is that it all needs planning - don't just rock up assuming everything will be OK!

Apart form the cost for guest it basically means you have your kids and everyone else on your honeymoon. Firm no from me.

the only wedding abroad I would want would have been just us two. I don’t see the point of taking everyone or anyone with you.

We did a low key wedding here ( she says low key , still cost £12k!)

We went to a family wedding recently in central Scotland. Beautiful house on an country estate, but hired from the local council, local caterer, local DJ, humanist celebrant who did a wonderful personal service - it was one of the nicest weddings I’ve been to. They spent less than £8k for 40day guests and 80 evening - and that included playing for a lot of rooms in a local hotel for the people travelling that they really wanted there.

I’d generally rather use a days annual leave than fly to a foreign country - which probably includes having to take at least a days annual leave too.

We got married for around 5k last October in the UK. We had a small ceremony with 40 guests, it was in a lovely intimate venue and we had the evening reception there too where we invited a few more guests. We did the 4pm twilight wedding and it was great 😌

I saved money on my dress as it was a bargain, I bought it on Asos! Wasn't planning on going so cheap but it didn't look like a cheap dress. First dress I saw and I really loved it, just got it altered as it was too long initially. I got a high quality florist but didn't go overboard with flowers and just went for bouquet, button holes, a few vases where I used our own vases for the tables, and a main centrepiece for the signing table. Did our own music using a Spotify playlist, the venue had its own disco lights so didn't need to pay for those. No bridesmaids but our daughter was a flower girl 🥰

I would say look around for special offers on local venues, sometimes out of season is cheaper, follow them on social media to be the first to see the offers. If you are in Northumberland there's loads of affordable options (I'm from the north east too) and no way do you need to spend 30k!

It's cheaper for you, very unfair for your guests, though. Some may struggle to pay for your wedding/may have to forsake their own family holidays/cut corners for the rest of the year to attend.

This is why we had a very small wedding in the UK. Only immediate family that we were closest with, and a best friend each. All our guests loved it and said they felt so special being part of a tiny wedding.

I also used to work at the airport, and it wasn't uncommon for weddings to be ruined by flight issues/issues abroad, so please keep that in mind..

Hope this helps somehow xx

This made me 😂
You're planning an abroad wedding but he has to go through the whole charade of a proposal as well?
So you can plan a party 3 years from now?
Clearly it's not really about being married so why not just have a holiday that others aren't expected to pay to attend? 🤷‍♀️

@CJsGoldfish
That's what HE wants, too. He wants to do it that way. He's got a specific idea of the ring he wants apparently. I told him I'd be happy with whatever, like a cheaper ring, but he wants to do it this way so I'm respecting that.

And "clearly" you know nothing about me and my wishes because it absolutely IS about being married to the man I love. Choose to believe or not believe that, I don't care😂