To think I’m right that she has far more than most?

[jealoysgL]

I know I’m being unfair. I guess my question is how to deal with this in the family environment. Me and DH are in ok jobs and bring in around 50k between us. I know this is a lot of money and we obviously share our home so we have bills halved too etc. We have one dc.

My sister is on 68k AND is given 1k a month from her ex. Her dc is only in nursery three and a half days a week and so the 1k she is paid basically covers this and all her DD’s expenses. Whenever we go out she doesn’t bat an eyelid at buying coffees or lunch, while we will be bringing sandwiches made at home for example.

What is getting to be is that she pleads poverty all the time. My parents always give her ‘a bit extra’ at Xmas or birthdays because she’s on her own… yet we are clearly struggling much more financially! It’s really hit a nerve recently as she’s been saying she has a savings pot for DD’s future and is aiming to reach 30k by the time dd is 3… she’s already 1.5!!!! We have no savings, always stretched yet at family occasions she is always always seen as the poor single parent. I don’t think she even sees how hard it is for me and dh as she just thinks it must be easier. I am finding it so hard not to say anything and know I will be shot down if I do!!! Would you start to explain actually even as a couple we have less?

I am going to make sure I go on a long world cruise with my money so my DC don't fight over who gets it.

That's not a good income imo. It's not much more than minimum wage.

Op also doesn’t say (where I can see) that they have children.

Good point. That would change the picture a lot. Grandparents will want to support their grandkids.

@Lanawashington it's all relative on personality and outgoings. @Yearendjoy 🙄 the more people earn the more people spend like the saying goes! You cut your cloth accordingly.

I doubt OP is struggling as such I think she should not compare with her sister as its unhealthy...

I would say, go ahead and say how u feel if you want to. Sounds like her 'victim story' of being single won't change. You might be wasting your time saying anything but not if it makes YOU feel better for saying something!

I agree as a mother too (within reason obviously!). However OP did not start a thread about her parents being unfair... it was her sister she was complaining about. If its the parents then OP should have said this initially it isn't her sisters fault is it.

It really is so depressing the amount of people on this thread who consider £25k a good wage. Employers will never pay a fair/living wage while people are grateful for employers paying them a pittance

In fairness we don’t know they earn 25k each. One could be very part time. One or both could be self employed.

I see this argument a lot.

Surely you know that the economically optimum answer is that either:

(a) people start on the lower paid jobs and work their way up (and, given that there are always more people starting, that solves your problem that “there won’t be anyone to do the jobs”)

(b) the lower paid jobs are a trade-off for flexibility e.g. the parent who just wants a few shift in the supermarket while the kids are at school (to be fair, zero hours contracts killed that).

It’s terrible at an individual, societal and economic level for people to just stay in minimum wage jobs for life with no progression. That doesn’t mean that the jobs, or the people, are not valued.

I think you should sit your parents down -and say 'you do know she earns more than both of us together a year. Put it that bluntly form a good wage - I assumed you together you would be on more than 50K.

29K is average- so good would be 'better' - which clearly it is not..

Your parents are assuming you have more or the same (if you had the same her being single would put her at a disadvantage..)

I'm not on board with your situation OP at all. It's really hard being a single/lone parent. It's a lot of pressure, financially, emotionally etc

I think you have no clue what it's like.
Seething resentment over your parents being supportive is childish

I don’t think people get it. The sister doesn’t bring home that much more than Op. Because one person is earning it. And 18k is taxed at 40%.

It’s unlikely that childcare plus all child related costs, are covered by the 1k the father pays to the Ops sister.

We don’t know if op has children. So it’s difficult to compare Outgoings. But it’s not unusual for grandparents to want to help savings and treat grandchildren.

But unless the parents are giving £1k every month there’s a good chance the sister isn’t left with as much as op thinks. And there’s other things. Op could have loads of debt, so her sister may have more disposable income. But that doesn’t mean the parents should or feel it’s right to pay it off for them, because they are giving money to their grandchild.

I couldn't agree more. The more we normalise earning just above minimum wage as a good salary that someone should be grateful for the more we allow wage stagnation to continue and productivity to decrease.

Well if she's planning on having 30k saved for her dd by the time she's 3 then she's obviously not struggling and shouldn't be taking money off your parents

Thing is, for most small and medium businesses minimum wage is massive! We don’t know what op does but 25k a year is a lot of money to spend out, especially for small and medium businesses. Sadly and ironically, however, it’s not a lot of money to live on.

And every time minimum wage goes up, businesses have to let someone go to cover the wage increase across their other staff. Upping minimum wage is pitched as the was to solve everyone’s problems but it just puts it onto business owners so they struggle more. Even Tesco et al is finding it hard to keep up so imagine if you have a restaurant or run a nursery or anything small scale. The government do this then they blame “evil” business owners - it’s a great tactic for them.

I do think it’s odd though that op says she earns a lot when they clearly don’t. Also, the real issue appears to be not that the sister isn’t struggling but pleads poverty, it’s more that if op says she’s actually struggling and points out that sister is better off, she’ll be shot down in flames. Clearly this is a family who do not listen and respect. This is the issue and I imagine there’s plenty more that are nothing to do with money.

@Devonshiregal Tesco could always, you know, use some of their millions in profit each year to pay their staff more.

I know of a man locally to me who owns an estate agency. He drives around in a Bentley and has a Rolex so clearly isn't poor! Yet pays all his staff minimum wage. Not even commission for the sales staff.

My husband owns a small company and his employees are paid well over double minimum wage. If companies cannot afford to pay their staff at least a living wage then they don't deserve to be in business.

You all seem to know a great deal about each others finances, I don't know what my sister earns and she has no knowledge of our family finances either! As for your parents giving your sister money, that's their business, I'm not sure why they feel the need to tell you or why they'd tell you they're giving her more at Christmas.

So while you don’t agree with profiting from business, you also don’t believe anyone doing an honest day’s work running a small business should pay “just” minimum wage? They should just fuck off and not dare to imagine they could run a business?

your husband is very lucky to be doing so well he can afford to pay that. Some businesses will never turn over enough to do that. I can almost guarantee you that one day your husband’s (crazily lucrative - would love to know what he does!) business will take a knock, and you’ll be sitting there with egg on your face as he’s forced to let his ‘so valued’ employees go.

Your estate agent mate is a dick. But you’re snobby. And you don’t get to decide whose business is deemed worthy

Let's face it @Devonshiregal, Most business owners can afford to pay more than minimum wage. They just choose not to. For their own financial gain. You only have to see how many business owners have flash cars and fly business class to see that that is true.

But no, they prefer to pay shit wages and let the state subsidise them by giving universal credit or tax credits to their underpaid workers

@Devonshiregal also, you sound jealous that my DH can afford to pay his employees a living wage. Clearly you are not running a profitable business

If your business depends upon others subsidising you either by living in poverty to work for you, or the government paying top up benefits to allow them to work for you, it's a shit business.

I don’t know why people are so obsessed with discussing minimum wage on this thread. All OP has said is that they earn £50k between them. Her partner could be on £40k a year and she could work part time!!!

People are making up this narrative that they are hardworking souls on minimum wage. It could well be that one of them is working one day a week and could take on more hours if needed.

Don’t you think the fact that minimum wage that the government sets doesn’t afford one to live is the real issue?

Indeed I it is, but that just heightens the point I make about businesses who complain about the already too low wage.

It's not always as easy as just deciding to pay your employees more. SOme businesses are very competitive and a less differentiated product - so ones with the lowest costs can charge customers less and that is the deciding factor for most customers.