To think I’m right that she has far more than most?

[jealoysgL]

I know I’m being unfair. I guess my question is how to deal with this in the family environment. Me and DH are in ok jobs and bring in around 50k between us. I know this is a lot of money and we obviously share our home so we have bills halved too etc. We have one dc.

My sister is on 68k AND is given 1k a month from her ex. Her dc is only in nursery three and a half days a week and so the 1k she is paid basically covers this and all her DD’s expenses. Whenever we go out she doesn’t bat an eyelid at buying coffees or lunch, while we will be bringing sandwiches made at home for example.

What is getting to be is that she pleads poverty all the time. My parents always give her ‘a bit extra’ at Xmas or birthdays because she’s on her own… yet we are clearly struggling much more financially! It’s really hit a nerve recently as she’s been saying she has a savings pot for DD’s future and is aiming to reach 30k by the time dd is 3… she’s already 1.5!!!! We have no savings, always stretched yet at family occasions she is always always seen as the poor single parent. I don’t think she even sees how hard it is for me and dh as she just thinks it must be easier. I am finding it so hard not to say anything and know I will be shot down if I do!!! Would you start to explain actually even as a couple we have less?

OP sorry it's an extra £2k A MONTH. so it more like she's on between £80-92k a year compared to your £50

🙄

Tell that to all the junior doctors and nurses and police officers.

@HesterRoon no it doesn't. It just different problems. Did you not read the poster has her child day in day out. That's besides the point though let's not be bitter. Money doesn't compensate for having no social life as a single parent does it? Being stressed because you need to work and have nobody as back up and your manager will be furious for ringing in sick because of a poorly child.

I don't get as much as 1k from my ex. I would defo take less money to have more of a break! The choice isn't mine though.

@spriots

Dsis will only he on higher rate take for around £17k. She will pay basic on the rest and probably nothing on the £2k per month given to her.

You have twice the potential to earn more, but you've settled with a little more than NMW being decent?

The OP will have childcare fees also.
The OP has £50k total
Her sister has £68k plus £1-2k monthly. So that's £80-92k a year

She will pay higher rate tax on about £17k

The sister is clearly thousands better off
£50k vs £ 80-92k is massive.

I think I can see both sides. One thing to note is that although her salary is higher she will only benefit from her personal tax allowance and as a couple you will have a tax allowance each. So after tax the net pay difference between her income and your joint income will be narrower. She also would not have qualified for child benefit or any other support. I get though there is then further financial contribution from other sources. I can see other people’s points re how alone/precarious she must feel as well as the sole earner. However, I sympathise as you are also struggling in different ways.

she has a savings pot for DD’s future and is aiming to reach 30k by the time dd is 3… she’s already 1.5!!!! We have no savings

I can understand why you feel pissed off. I used to work with a guy who was always moaning about not being able to afford this and that, and I couldn't understand it as his wife also had a good job while I lived by myself. I thought they must have a massive mortgage or some family obligations, but it turned out he was saving massive amounts. Okay, we all prioritise our budgets in different ways, but he expected me to buy more rounds when we took the team out because of his 'poverty' pleas.

Have you told your parents about the savings discrepancy?

But the OP and her DH both get a personal allowance and also child benefit

If you put it into a tax calculator (not allowing for pensions):

Sis gets £ 4,166.46 a month
OP and her DH if they are on 25k each get £3586.58 + £100 child benefit takes them to within about £500 of what sis earns

It's not a huge difference. The £1000 from the ex will probably not even cover nursery costs, might just about if it's a cheap nursery.

Sis isn't getting £1000 from her parents every month, so it's not right to describe her as getting £2k a month

Can you and DH not get jobs like hers with her pay? Is she better qualified or harder working than both of you? So you would take £136,000 a year if both earned same as her? Why is she earning 21/2 x what you earn?

I live up north, and I wouldn't view NMW as a good wage. It's enough to just about get by, but not enough to be comfortable if you have a mortgage and family to provide for.

Do you and DH work full time? It's sounds like you're on very low salaries.

Are either of you able to change jobs to increase your earnings?

A band 5 staff nurse (which is the level most nurses are) in the NHS will be paid £28.4k, rising to £34.6k after 4 yrs.

I do think that nurses should be paid more, but an experienced nurse would be paid well above the level the OP is talking about.

And I fully agree with the poster you rolled your eyes at - we need to stop talking about NMW as it it is a good wage! It isn't - it's the bare minimum an employer can legally get away with. We should be campaigning for better, not racing to the bottom and being grateful for whatever scraps we are given.

Another one who finds this outrageous...threatening your parents so that you can control how they spend their money.

I know plenty of people who earn about that, some also highly educated but it's the sector they are in. Your comment about OP "doing something" to increase her savings is insulting and not the point of her thread anyway. The point is that her sister has plenty of money but playing the single parent card and bleating poverty, which the parents lap up and favour her as a result - not ever considering their other daughter's situation and that she might need help.

The OP will also have nursery fees to pay, given that she and her DP both work...

Sounds a bit like jealousy
You are sisters. You both had the same start in life.
Don't sit and complain because her life choices turn out better.

Perhaps she can save the 30k because pleading poverty gives her a frugal mindset.

I would struggle to not snap back with

'She earns more than me and DH combined!'

"Just saying she bangs on about financial stress of being a single parent yet doesn’t recognise others in couples are in much worse situations"
Proof positive of the maxim 'It's the squeaky wheel that get the oil'. To paraphrase, her loud complaining ensures she receives your parents' attention, whilst you sitting quietly - do not.

"I know I’m being unfair."
You're actually not.

Or. Maybe by pleading poverty she gets up to £12k a year from their parents. You call that smarter life choice?

@spriots
It's not a huge difference. The £1000 from the ex will probably not even cover nursery costs, might just about if it's a cheap nursery.
Why are you discounting the ex contribution as it goes on nursery fees. The OP will face child care fees also as both OP and her dh work.
The money is money coming in. It gets added to the total.

The Sis ends up with around £1500 a month more plus extra from the parents. Why are the parents helping out the one who has £1500 a month more?

She isn't getting 12k a year from the parents
She is getting a little extra at Christmas from the parents
She is getting 12K a year from her ex to help pay for HIS child

"A little extra" that OP doesn't get.

I get it OP. It's not that you begrudge her making good money, or the money her ex pays for child support.

It's that she's always complaining about lack of money, and your parents seem to buy it, when you aren't really in very differernt circumstances yourself.

To some extent it's a personality thing I think, some people are always complaining about not having enough. You can put up with it, or what I would do at some opportune moment is say, you know, our income isn't that differernt from yours in the end and we need to support three people rather than two, more food, more cars, etc. We've not managed to save anything for dc."

It's not a matter of being mean to her, but she's being very self-absorbed I think, and it wouldn't be a bad thing for her to realize her situation isn't so differernt.

As for the little extra at Christmas, it is bloody depressing and sad as a single person at Christmas, when couples are exchanging lovely personal gifts and you get something from your parents and sibling but that’s about it.

I hate the fact I watch my parents exchange gifts, my brother lavish my SIL with presents and no one does the same for me. Am I jealous- you fucking bet I am. Christmas really highlights the loneliness you don’t normally feel and the fact you don’t have someone special to care about you. Perhaps your parents 1) recognise this, and 2) are trying to make what they spend on your considerably larger family balance out?

It’s not NMW though. NMW is currently £10.42, so for a 37.5 hour week which we both do it would be £20,319. So it’s £9k more than minimum wage and will go up again in April