Being called Mrs *-*

[LorlieS]

I'm married and a Ms My Last Name - His Last Name (hubby also double-barrelled when we married).
So why do so many people insist on addressing me as a Mrs?! AIBU to be annoyed by this?

He agrees however he’s now going to feed our true overlord, the cat

Whilst a lot of women don't take their husband's name upon marriage, it is still the default. So people will naturally assume that you're a Mrs.

It's a weird thing to get worked up about really. It isn't that they're wilfully calling you the wrong thing. It also isn't that they're uneducated people.

I don't know any woman who has no idea that name change and being referred to as Mrs is not automatic. Not one.
I know plenty of woman who have made the choice to change and be referred to as Mrs Whatever.
Just because someone changes their name, it doesn't mean they don't know they don't have to.

Well you won’t really, will you because you’ve legged it.

Teachers are Miss or Mrs (usually Miss) no matter what their status. Just chill and think about something else to get annoyed at.

@LittleBearPad I'll still be working with children.

No, it's because you're being rude and sneery to people who don't agree with you. It's possible to have a different opinion without doing that. You might like to try it sometime.

it's the same whenever these threads come up.

Dr, Prof, Lord, Rev, etc. way more than one option for men and just a couple more for women. The onus is on everyone to check rather than assume.

@SoupDragon I'm not at all rude or sneery, but you appear defensive.

Why do people get so insistent that they can call a woman whatever they want just because she’s married?

I’ve been Ms MyName since I was a teenager. I didn’t change that when I married. No one has ever questioned it. The vast majority of women in know are Ms.

Mumsnet is not real life. In real life people wouldn’t be so rude as to insist you should accept a title or name that isn’t yours.

Splendid bit of pass ag there OP, chapeau

It’s not a weird thing to get vexed about. The reason you are able to tell if a woman is married by their title, but not a man, is because women were viewed as a man’s property. Language matters. I hate being called Mrs. It’s not my title.

I honestly couldn't be arsed with a teacher like this! Why is this a battle you need to pick? I'd happily be referred to as Miss XXX no matter what my marital status or title is because its literally no big deal. I done classroom assistant work for 2 years and was referred to a Miss when id been married for 10 years. Why is it such a big deal to you? Banging on about lack of respect. Jeez you sound like hard work.

I'm completely wish you on this. My personal life and choices are not the business of people who deal with me on a professional basis. I'm not massively keen on Ms but am able to choose to be known predominantly by first name. I actively avoid being known as Mrs and don't wear a wedding ring these days, much to my mother's disgust!

Don't most people address people by how they introduce themselves?

I've had, "Hi, I'm Dr Miller. How can I help you today?" and "Hi, I'm Emma, one of the GP's here. How are you?" Though I don't think I've ever had to use their name to them. (If I phone up, I will say "Dr. Surname" to the receptionist, though.)

I work in a hospital so I am around plenty of titles. Some Sisters prefer to be called Sister Lastname. Some are happy to go by Firstname only.
Some doctors introduce themselves by their full name and their position. Others go by first name and their position. And others go by Dr. Firstname and/or Lastname.

The respectful thing is to just address people by how they introduce themselves. So if they go by Ms, don't call them Mrs.

I don't know any woman who has no idea that name change and being referred to as Mrs is not automatic. Not one.

I can't speak to who you personally know, but it's been claimed already in this relatively short thread that married women are Mrs whether they like it or not. And that's not the first time someone's said that on here. There's so much nonsense, computer says no and pure invention on this issue that it's a good thing OP is trying to make sure the kids don't pick up on it.

What I struggle get get my head round is that double-barrelled names are a pain in the arse, I feel sorry for your pupils who presumably have to use both. But it’s your choice, fine. But then you want to use Ms because your marital status isn’t important? But you’ve changed your name and insist everyone goes through the palaver of using two names for you now. I think it’s a bit much to get on your high horse about the Ms issue when you are really highlighting your marriage with your surname.

I wish we could be like the French and transition gracefully (maybe 😏) from Mademoiselle to Madame at a certain age… Albeit that still has connotations of marriage/ marriagbility/ age, it’s still simpler. If you’re 40 and someone calls you Madame it’s nothing to do with marital status.
Interestingly I just looked this up and my online French dictionary says France dropped Mademoiselle in administrative functions in 2012.. I guess all women are now Madame.

It’s annoying that we have four. Like men we should just have one.

If she had been my teacher we’d probably have kept getting it wrong just as a bit of a wind-up 🤣

@Haydenn Both my husband and I added on to our last name.

Also - I volunteer in a primary school, I’m in my 50s, I use Mrs when I introduce myself and I wear a wedding ring - the kids will parrot “Good morning Mrs Catboy” as a class but invariably say “Miss!” when they want my attention.

I wish you were right. Unfortunately I've been addressed as Mrs DH name from people who know full well that's not what I'm called. In one case I don't even get my first name! They do it because, as you say, some people are insistent that they can call a woman whatever they want just because she's married.

God, the sexism on this thread! Nowhere has the OP insisted that this is the most important issue in the world, but one poster after another has told her to have a lie down , calm down, get a grip etc...

OP: YANBU and I think you're great to make a stand about this. The arrogance of people around you deciding what your title should be, or not caring about your own preference, is staggering. And it's not as though people can't break the habits of a lifetime if they want to. They do it all the time with personal pronouns these days which are apparently more worthy of respect than a woman's preference for Ms.

But if women wanted just one then we would have just one, because we would’ve all picked what we prefer and the others would’ve fallen out of use.

They haven’t, because, shock horror, some women prefer different things! I am Miss, I prefer Miss (and get really wound up when some ‘progressive’ organisations don’t have that as an option anymore).

I’m not going to stop referring to myself as Miss because it makes you uncomfortable