Being called Mrs *-*

[LorlieS]

I'm married and a Ms My Last Name - His Last Name (hubby also double-barrelled when we married).
So why do so many people insist on addressing me as a Mrs?! AIBU to be annoyed by this?

I think it is interesting that you consider Mrs to be part of a mysoginistic tradition, but you have, I understand, double barrelled your surname with your husbands?
Why have you chosen to do that?
Keeping a foot in both camps perhaps?

But why does it matter that calling yourself Mrs rather than Ms indicates that you're married, if that's how you want to be known? I'm not ashamed of being married so why does it matter that people can tell this by my name? So long as people address you correctly once they know you are a Ms, Mrs, Miss etc that's all that matters.

This is wrong. Miss is unmarried young woman. Ms is neutral. You can also use it if you are separated, widowed or older and not wanting to be referred to as 'miss' anymore.

I did read that. I’m not sure what your point is? I’m not saying it’s wrong to go double barrelled (although they are a pain), but it just seems contradictory to want to use Ms because you don’t want to highlight your martial status, but then do it anyway through your surname 🤷🏻‍♀️

How is it being sexist?

@Haydenn How can you tell my marital status by my surname?

I’ve been a Ms for 50 years. Kept my dad’s family name when I married 42 years ago. Children have both our last names, not hyphenated. Yes, I still have to repeat Ms, yes it’s tedious. The idea was one title for women so we weren’t defined as unmarried/married.

Miss does not need to be a young woman though. I’m not young and I’m a Miss.

Not really. Why does a woman's title depend on the presence of a husband? Why should her title change as her marital status changes? Why do men live their lives without details of their personal life but women are expected to? And feminism has gone wrong....well women have yet to achieve equal status to men

Always address the parents with a title and surname too!

Because it was so that you could easily be identified as already some man’s property or available to be married off to a man (and ‘given away’ by your father). It’s all part of the history of the subjugation of women so it’s all symbolic of oppression.

Yes that was the case many many years ago but those days are long gone. I really don't feel oppressed because someone can tell from my name that I'm married 😂😂

Because this attitude of ‘stop making a fuss’ has been the message given to women who speak out about the inequalities for years. So if a woman says ‘I don’t like being mislabelled as X rather than Y because I am choosing to not buy in to the patriarchal norms of this society’ and someone else then says ‘calm down dear’ they are perpetuating said patriarchal norms by trying to silence her.

I’m sorry if this comes across difficult @LorlieS but my goodness, your insecurities are visible from space. And it appears you’re using these feelings to snipe at anyone on here who disagrees with you.

The thread originally began as you being frustrated at the assumption you’re called “Mrs” instead of “Miss”. But then you’ve also gone on to explain the frustration you have around 20 years of teaching, the perceived lack of respect, and that you’re leaving “to do your Masters”. You’ve then also compared how doctors are addressed with their title, and how teachers should be similarly treated.

Doesn’t all that, together, lead me to believe that this isn’t solely about the title, but more about insecurity? How you perceive yourself as somewhat disrespected in life and you’re keen to redress that balance?

I do think SoupDragon is correct - these threads often go this way, because the OP is extremely chipper before the thread has even started.

I personally would be confident enough to gently, insistently tell children and parents “my title is Ms”.

However I’m also mixed race (visually appear more black than white) so I’m used to the intersectional fact that I am both woman, and “BAME”.

I get all manner of questions that, perceived one way, could be seen as “disrespectful”. However I could count on one hand the number of times in the last few decades that any of this has been malicious.

Because to me, intent matters, not the mistaken words, or the difference between my profession and another. I judge people (if I even do that!) on intent only.

Apologies I meant “Mrs” instead of “Ms”.

I am a miss but get called Mrs all of the time.

My friend is married and goes by Mrs but some people still say Miss.

Neither of us get annoyed or upset over it because it’s not a big deal.

Stop trying to find things to be offended about.

I tell my husband to stop making a fuss and calm down

I’m happy for you, however, they are still a throwback to times of more significant oppression so I’m sure you will understand if some of us feel more strongly about this than you do. Women are still oppressed in various ways. We do not have full equality by any means. The news recently tells us that.

@RampantIvy

@user1477391263 do they still use Frau/Fraulein in Germany and Mademoiselle and Madame in France?

German here. "Fräulein" is considered actively insulting these days (not helped by the fact that it's a, a diminutive, and b, grammatically neuter.) "Frau" is the default for all women much as "Ms" is outside of the UK. It no longer denotes marital status in any way. As it should. I heartily detest "Mrs" and if it's imposed on me or I'm confronted with the false choice of "Miss" or "Mrs" I always tell people to use Dr should they have any hang-ups about using "Ms."

So?

Then you impose your requirements on others, who may prefer to be called Mrs or any other choice.

As am I. The only person who gets to decide how I'm addressed is me, and I'm not changing the name and title I've had for over fifty years.

You've got it the wrong way around. Unless they have earned an actual research doctorate (which is what "Dr" means - it denotes an academic teacher) physicians' use of the title isn't strictly speaking appropriate, it's mere custom.

'Insecure' and 'chipper'. Nice way to describe a woman who wants to be known as Ms. She's not asking for the moon in a stick, just that her choice of title be adopted.

I'm not even married to my partner and I still get called Mrs HisLastName by all kinds of people, for unknown reasons. Our last names don't even contain any of the same letters.

I also don't work in an education setting, where I feel these assumptions/terms get used more.