Being called Mrs *-*

[LorlieS]

I'm married and a Ms My Last Name - His Last Name (hubby also double-barrelled when we married).
So why do so many people insist on addressing me as a Mrs?! AIBU to be annoyed by this?

And, let’s be honest, fewer men do it because most of them have gone through their entire lives never giving a single thought to the possibility of changing their name on marriage. And surely no-one really believes their choice of surname after marriage is entirely free of societal pressure, influence or expectation from anyone. I remember one friend asking my husband if he felt “emasculated” because I didn’t take his surname: these decisions don’t exist in a vacuum.

Are you sure that's the law rather than policies of various organisations? I've never seen any legislation.

My husband added on to his family name when we married, just as I added on to mine! ❤️

Agree with@Vod.
@OneMoreTime23 Nobody has to go through deed poll.

This was my understanding. Government site below says nobody has to go through a legal process to use a new name and that nobody needs a deed poll to use their spouse's name.

https://www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll

Sounds like more of a systems in organisations thing.

It certainly was when we married in 2004.

Can you tell us more about this, ie was there legislation that you were aware of or is this what someone told you?

I only ask because this issue seems to inspire a lot of people to completely invent legal requirements. I've heard on here of posters being told things by people in various official bodies that were nonsense.

When I got married in 2007 I believe (though it was a while back!) the legislation was that I could change my name to my husband’s using our marriage certificate alone, but if I wanted to double-barrel I’d need a deed poll. I don’t know what the rules were around men changing their names as no-one I knew who was getting married around the same time was considering it…

I was always utterly convinced you couldn’t have official documents like a passport in a different name to your birth certificate unless you had officially changed it via deed poll or marriage- but that turns out to be totally untrue.

I’ve since met 2 people, one who’s first and surname she just started using in her teens and got her passport and all adult documents (tax/employment/house deeds etc) in that name

And one who was Anne Smith on her birth certificate but when she was 3 her mum took up with a Mr Jones and started using Anne Jones, including on her passport etc.

Found a couple of historic things which imply this is a recent change.

https://amp.theguardian.com/money/2013/feb/06/changing-your-name-dos-and-donts

https://petition.parliament.uk/archived/petitions/210715

Hmm, there's no mention of legislation and I don't think a petition with 12 signatures can tell us anything. I haven't been able to find any historic law that was repealed, though of course I may have missed something. How was it that you got the idea your husband needed a deed poll, do you remember?

This is my understanding too. I know it's the case now, and haven't been able to find any legislation saying otherwise. I can well believe men are more likely to encounter computer says no if they try it, however.

Pretty sure it was from the registrar when we were going through the plans. I’m sure it was also on various wedding forums too.

I can believe it was on forums at least! People's capacity to invent stuff on this issue is enormous. But legislation, not sure.

So are deed polls a total scam then?

@ZebraDanios To all intents and purposes, yes they are. You can easily DIY.

I wouldn't say that. Paper trails can be useful in their own right, even when they're not legally required. While I've never changed mine, I can well imagine that sorting out a deed poll is the lower faff option than the amount of explaining your legal rights you might have to do over a lifetime.

"You don't need a deed poll to take your partner's surname. Your marriage certificate, civil partnership certificate, decree absolute or dissolution of civil partnership certificate will usually be accepted as evidence that your name has changed." 11 Mar 2020

I am certain this must both apply to husband and wife.

Oh it does, I just mean it may very well be easier to get a deed poll then to explain why you don't legally need one.

@Vod Hubby and I both double-barrelled upon marriage and neither of us did a deed-poll. No problems at all with using our "new" last name 😀

It seems to be a growing trend for people to have double barrelled surnames in recent years. Im genuinely interested to know what happens when two people with double barrelled surnames marry - do they end up with a quad barrelled name? And what will happen with the next generation if that's the case?

That's good!

People just… do what they want. Keep their own/ use half of each/ pick a new name/ make a mash up they like…

Yes. Scientists have determined that in the future thousand-name surnames will be a thing. 🙄

I thought that was a perfectly reasonable question. 🙄