Being called Mrs *-*

[LorlieS]

I'm married and a Ms My Last Name - His Last Name (hubby also double-barrelled when we married).
So why do so many people insist on addressing me as a Mrs?! AIBU to be annoyed by this?

You didn't notice that the poster I was responding to called me 'dear', then?

I was about to ask whether anyone had asked the men in their life how they felt about being restricted to one title…

It’s an improvement on their previous rudeness. I’d much rather be patronised than insulted. 🤷‍♀️

We're talking about having a choice removed.
If men want to campaign that's up to them

And you clearly like pre-emptively dishing out both.

You don’t remember posting this then?

Although actually, this particular topic does seem to attract that sort of sexist double standard like flies on shit, so maybe stupid would've been a better word.

Clearly you don’t understand the meaning of “pre-emptive”. At no point have I been rude to you or insulted you either.

Mrs if we use a title (although sometimes we get post addressed to ‘mesdames’, so ‘two madams’ which makes me smile.

In fact, I posted it several hours after your insulting and also stupid remark about women not having our own names. You've evidently failed to understand just how rude you were being, but that's both unsurprising and immaterial, babycakes.

Who was I rude to? Which specific poster? As I recollect you hadn’t even joined the thread at that point.

Why are you asking about specific posters? Something doesn't need to be aimed at one named individual to be rude and insulting. Or indeed idiotic.

You don’t give up, do you? The gift that keeps on giving. 😂

I find people introduce themselves with their preference in formal settings.

If I need to know for other reasons I ask. What is your preferred title?

I have more than once told people I am Mrs Enko. For them to outright say "well I don't use Mrs so I will use Ms" its so rude. (I respond not if you want me to answer you you wont)

Its about respect. Respect has to go both ways.

I don't get to decide what others prefer and they don't get to decide what I prefer.

When I see posts like "Isn't it about time we get rid of Mrs and use Ms" the answer is NO as others still want to use it. As we grow older it may phase out just like using Master for younger boys before they became Mr phased out. However forcing it is pushing an agenda others are not on board with.

How often are you really addressing people (except maybe teachers) by their title and last name, unless you have their name and title written down anyway?

In my previous jobs I’ve always had the information to hand (ie on their customer record or on their bank card)

Most organisations I speak to now use my first name rather than my last name and title, I far prefer it!

Exactly.

When I worked in travel, I’d start off asking for their name. Generally speaking, younger (under 20) would only give their first name, so I’d call them that (but obviously still need their last name later on!). Posh people generally gave their title and last name, so I’d just ask for their initial and note it down as “Miss J. Lopez” to make it clear they should be addressed by their last name.
More working class people tended to give just their first and last name so I’d clarify their title. Generally they preferred to be referred to as their first name and I’d note their full first name down so I knew to use it.
The only time fuckery was ever afoot was when someone wants to use Esquire - I’m pretty sure they had done that thing where you buy a tiny patch of land for £20. So I used esquire to address him. Every time I spoke to him. Every.single.time.

When I first got married, I used Ms [my last name]. I was a full-time teacher at the time. The kids (and some of the staff) kept getting mixed up and calling me Mrs [my last name]. I found that some of the kids thought that 'Ms' meant that I was a divorcee.

Eventually, I switched to Mrs [husband's last name]. Some of the kids thought I'd got divorced and called me Ms. That didn't last too long.

None of the above bothered me.

3 years ago, my husband died. A young chap came to my door and persuaded me to accept a rendering quote. (The work does need done.) He asked if I was the house owner. Yes.

Then he asked if I was married. Through gritted teeth, I told him that I was the owner. Again, he wanted to know if I had a husband, because husbands sometimes objected...

I bit my tongue. Told him I was a widow. "Oh, it'll be 'Ms' then?"

That's one time that I've been really angry about someone getting the title wrong.

However, I now do a bit of supply teaching and I do find myself getting a bit irritated any time a young depute calls me "Miss." It's not logical, but it feels as though my relationship with my husband is being erased. (That might not be unconnected with the fact that my husband's adulterous ex treated me a bit like a junior wife after he died and had some folk convinced that she was "devastated". It's a long story...)

So far as class is concerned, I find the opposite. My dad was a coalminer. God bless him, he put me through uni and I became a teacher.

I was brought up to call my elders "Mr, Mrs, etc" as appropriate. Younger middle class people - I've noticed - tend not to.

I'm now in my 60s. When I'm dealing with workmen, mechanics, etc they call me "Mrs Surname". Doctors and so on tend to use my first name.

Jesus! Sorry for your loss. Those people sound awful 😞

Thank you. That's kind of you.

Sorry if it wasn’t clear; I meant that working class people were more likely to give me their full name, rather than surname and title. However, even the more “working class” customers were still wealthy enough to be travelling abroad.
Almost everyone referred to me as my first name as I was pretty young when I worked in travel!
There was definitely an age disparity too; the older someone was the more likely they were to expect last name and title, in general.

Ah, sorry - I misunderstood.

Always telling when someone can't defend the substance of what they've written, and instead resorts to remarking on the fact that the other person is replying to them.

Once a customer reproached me on the phone for not calling her Mrs. X. I had never met her and didn't know her status.

Did you address her by her first name instead by any chance?
My mum hated people she didn't know addressing her by her first name, eg a bank assistant or someone ringing from an insurance company and so on.
This was especially true if the oerson was much younger that she was. She found it forward, cheeky and disrespectful.

Yes I did and I think that's what the problem was. I'm in Canada and I think we're less formal here. This was back in the day, and it's possible she had put her title on her client card and whoever did the order just put first and last. (Sorry this is a rather boring story, but just pointing out that sometimes people expect others to know their preferred prefixes and we don't.)

I think it's such a small percentage of our population who finds being called by their first name rude that it doesn't even occur to the majority. Definitely a generational thing.

I don't know what age your mum is @Marynotsocontrary , but I don't like it either.

I've come to expect it in some situations (and it's different if the person addressing me has no way of knowing my title or second name, obviously), but if I'm ringing a helpline or something and the operator asks my name I still expect to be Miss or Mrs AndTheCity rather than Socks unless I'm asked politely first.