Being called Mrs *-*

[LorlieS]

I'm married and a Ms My Last Name - His Last Name (hubby also double-barrelled when we married).
So why do so many people insist on addressing me as a Mrs?! AIBU to be annoyed by this?

@SocksAndTheCity There are feminist choices and non feminist choices. A choice is not feminist just because a woman makes it.

OP just correct them. If they already know you have chosen Ms then they should use it. If they don’t know your chosen title then they won’t know unless you tell them.
You are annoyed by being called Mrs - I hate being called Ms or Miss. I don’t take it personally (although I was particularly annoyed by an online shop who only had Ms as a title option for delivery).
Incidentally I too work in a primary school. Most of our children and parents default to calling us all Miss!

It is important to note that in some countries doctors are indeed given a doctorate. For example medicine is a postgraduate degree in the US and leads to the MD degree, a doctorate. So you do have to temper that story with a bit of regional knowledge.

In the UK medics have two degrees, one in medical science and one in surgery I believe. Some do indeed have proper doctorates too though, usually gained through research. It is better not to assume that medics aren't "proper" doctors as a result. I say this as someone with a PhD myself.

Does choosing to be Mrs make you less a feminist or is the feminist aspect having the choice. I don't see being Mrs as non-feminist

It's also just on an envelope that likely doesn't even get looked at
Inside it will day dear Jane and Pete

It obviously does to you, but not to me. It's just a label, and not one that I associate with "ownership". Historically it did, but here and now it doesn't (to me). The world has moved on.

I love being titled Mrs. We are a traditional couple + I love having the same surname.

Please don't erase my choice because you make a different one.

@anonhop So explain to me why there is one title for men which is not defined by marital status...

Yes, I know that; not all of us are as stupid and uninformed as you seem to think we are.

Policing/restricting other women's choices because they don't concur with your views is also not feminist, and part of supporting the freedom to make those choices is accepting that some people will make ones you don't agree with (see also abortion, meat eating, sex work and all the other usual suspects which come up here time and time again).

@RampantIvy I'm not entirely sure the world has moved on when women are still OK with being titled by their marital status?
Why are men not titled as such I wonder?

@SocksAndTheCity I'm not saying or thinking that anyone is stupid. What I am saying is that there are some choices that are objectively not feminist. A woman identifying herself by her relationship to a man is one of them. Fine to do if that's what she wants to do. But not feminist.

But not all women would describe themselves as feminists anyway. I suppose it depends on your definition of feminism

@CurlewKate as I've already posted, I am Miss and have always been Miss; it is my name and I'm not changing it because some people's idea of social convention says I ought to.

That is nothing to do with relationships with men, and everything to do with me being me - I don't define myself in terms of what other people think or expect. I could start calling myself Mrs or even Mr tomorrow, and that would equally be 1: nothing to do with men, and 2: nobody else's business.

I work closely with medical staff and was in no way saying they are not ‘proper’ in any way. They are amazing and do a fantastic job. I just often feel like a bit of a fraud using ‘Dr’ even though it’s my hard earned title. I won’t feel like that now.

Why do you care what title other people use?

You are upset because people don't respect yours but why can't you respect theirs?

Due to traditional gender roles...I think we both know that.

Not every woman is a feminist/wants to destroy the gender differences. I like being Mrs HusbandName.

I personally really dislike "Ms" because I think it gives off a feminist/trying to be different/divorced vibe, which doesn't describe me. Perfectly happy to use it for other people, though.

I think it's fine that you have the choice "not to be defined by your marital status". But I want my choice. Being married to my H is the most important thing in my life, personally.

I resent that feminists are all about "choice" & "freedom" for women, until a woman uses her freedom to make a choice they don't like.

Ultimately, it's not a huge issue. Call yourself what you want. People aren't telepathic & you might have to tell them...

I'm the same! I much prefer my husbands surname. I'm a primary teacher and 99% of the time the children just call me Miss. It doesn't bother me in the slightest as personally I'm not really defined by the fact I'm married BUT i totally respect other peoples choices and that to lots I know, being married is a big part of their identity.

The only Ms. I know uses it because she doesn't want to get married but has been with her partner for 30 years and feels "silly" being called Miss. Again, the children in school call her Miss 99% of the time but as her colleagues we know this is important to her so make an effort to always use the correct title - just like people who use they/them pronouns. It takes a little bit of effort until it becomes routine.

Totally agree on the feminists who think its okay to judge other women because the way they live their life doesn't fit in with their beliefs . Thats not what feminism is about (at least imo)

Why wouldn't I be ok with having a title based on my marital status. I love my DH dearly and couldn't wait to be a Mrs and take his surname. Your views are your views, everyone else's is their own.

I love my husband beyond measure. I'm fairly certain that's mutual. Our marriage is a legal covenant but it's first and foremost a relationship (always bearing in mind that it would be the same relationship with or without marriage).

What it's not is an identity. If marriage doesn't mean a change of identity and title for him, there's no reason why it should for me.

What does raise a wry smile from me is the snide insinuation that wives like me just aren't devoted enough. We are insufficiently 'proud' to be married; I've even been accused of being disrespectful. Conversely, my husband is proud of my independence of mind and identity.

That I happen to have my own family name doesn't make him any less my husband.

@TayIorShift Did your husband change his title and last name when he married you or does he not love you enough? I'm just basing this upon your argument...

I was trying to find the words to say something like this but you’ve said it much better than I was going to.

I don’t really understand how anyone can be excited about giving up something that their husband doesn’t have to, but that’s my problem and their choice. But it does bother me when women justify it by saying that they’re starting a new chapter/joining their partner’s family/demonstrating their commitment/showing that they’re part of a unit as though none of those things also apply to their husband. If you think it’s that important that you both have the same name, fine - but why does it have to be his?

I personally really dislike "Ms" because I think it gives off a feminist/trying to be different/divorced vibe

I'm not trying to give off a feminist/different/divorced vibe by being Ms.

I just don't want the first thing that people see when they look at my information to be my marital status. It's the least important thing about me. Why should it come first?

No we made a decision on it being my name that changed, because that's what I really wanted and we were really happy with that. Why is that not OK? I find this argument so weird that you're banging on about only being able to change titles if the man does too! Were you born a Ms? Or did you change to Ms? If you changed to Ms what did your DH change to? Based on your argument.

@MassageForLife I'd people assume from my title I'm a feminist then spot on!

@TayIorShift Strangely enough he kept to Mr! We both added on to our existing family name.