Being called Mrs *-*

[LorlieS]

I'm married and a Ms My Last Name - His Last Name (hubby also double-barrelled when we married).
So why do so many people insist on addressing me as a Mrs?! AIBU to be annoyed by this?

Brits are weird about this. In the States, Ms is the norm. Sooner the better here too -marriage is not a promotion!

Agreed! This is why I opted out of it as a condition of getting married. No title, no his last name.

Daughter has her own unqiue last name. We are a modern, feminist family!

I get the same thing, only from his side though. Neither of us changed our names in any way. I’ve been Ms Nicebloomers since I was 17. What REALLY gets on my nerves is when I get things to
‘Mrs his first name his last name”. Not one bit is correct.
When we got married we had a website with all the wedding details listed including queries about if the venue allowed confetti, nearby hotels if anyone was from out of town etc and it even stated on there that there would be no name changes. After the vows we weren’t introduced as ‘Mr and Mrs his name’ by the registrar as per our request so I just think it’s stubbornness on the part of people who refuse to move on from outdated and misogynistic traditions.

OP It's up to women like us to keep chipping away at societal norms, until the balance is tipped. It will be worth it for our daughters.

Nonsense. No woman, married or older is forced by law to take a title she doesn't want.

@SwordToFlamethrower Absolutely. My daughter will be raised to know this 💪

@concernedchild Sorry to hear you are so brainwashed to incorrectly think this.

It's probably because you changed your name when you got married people assume you changed that too

Just wait until you’re a widow OP. There’s no end of confusion about titles, names, status and people so embarrass to speak to you that they just avoid you altogether. How I wish my problem was as simple as yours ie being referred to by an incorrect title. At least there’s folk worse off than you though!

You sound like a misogynist

I get things addressed to Mrs.Hisname. I've been married almost 30 years. I didn't take DHs name nor am I Mrs.
I use Ms. BOTH surnames (mine first). Always have.

I asked one person not to and explained. She said "But Mrs. is the correct form" and still does it. She's a couple of years older than me, and in many ways a feminist and yet....

That is your choice and I respect it but it harks back to the ‘ownership’ of women by men. Would you be as protective of traditions associated with the slave trade?

@Unexpectedlysinglemum I see that to a point, but I added on and didn't change altogether. I kept my family name and we both added on.

I’m divorced and reverted to Miss, I constantly get called Mrs. I married young (huge mistake) and was called Miss for the first 10 years of Marriafe, as soon as I got divorced everyone called me Mrs, lol. It’s totally an age thing.

I wish female titles mrs/miss would become obsolete. Ms is fine for all.

And according to you, you retained your 'Miss' title, so why would people automatically call you 'Ms'?

Wow. I knew doctors didn’t have a doctorate. It’s a four year degree with ongoing levels of on job training and progression I think? But didn’t know that history! I will never feel like a lesser ‘doctor’ again. I earned it!

My grandmother in law called me mrs his first name his last name and it was massively triggering and I got very upset about

Crikey! That's a bit of an over reaction. Why was it so "massively triggering"? I would have just politely corrected her.

If you’re sad that this tradition might die out, think of it this way: you know how excited you were about calling yourself by a different title and changing your name to your husband’s? Imagine how delighted men would be if they got to do that too!

I agree that just having Ms is a lot easier and less confusing, but I don't think taking on the title Mrs makes a woman any less feminist.

I’m not married and I hate being called Mrs either Mrs partners name or Mrs my own name. I’m not a huge fan of Ms either.
i just correct people that im Miss.

I really can't get worked up about getting called the wrong name (I kept my maiden name and everyone gets it wrong) apart from when it comes from my in-laws and it's deliberate.

It's not really an issue.

The one that gets to me is the letters from my husband’s elderly family members addressed to Mr and Mrs husband’s full name. First, we are both Drs, second, I didn’t change my name when we got
married.

But then again, they are elderly, they mean well, and there are bigger issues in the world. It is nice that they are still writing letters.

@RampantIvy "I agree that just having Ms is a lot easier and less confusing, but I don't think taking on the title Mrs makes a woman any less feminist."

It obviously does! It's fine for women to do non feminist things it they want to- but it's important that they know that's what they are doing.

But then again, they are elderly, they mean well, and there are bigger issues in the world.

I think that whether we perceive someone to have “meant well” plays a huge part in how much this kind of thing bothers us. I don’t mind too much when people of my parents’ generation call me by the wrong surname (even when they commit the cardinal sin of calling us Mr and Mrs Hisfirstname Hislastname). I think a lot of people, as evidenced by this thread, are more bothered when in-laws do it, as it somehow feels more judgemental.

And patronising adult women who make different choices to you by telling them they can't think for themselves (but it's OK because you will 'educate' them) is so very feminist, is it?