Being called Mrs *-*

[LorlieS]

I'm married and a Ms My Last Name - His Last Name (hubby also double-barrelled when we married).
So why do so many people insist on addressing me as a Mrs?! AIBU to be annoyed by this?

Everyone is different. Personally I'd be really annoyed if anyone dared referred to me as Ms.

People are only doing it because it's second nature, they're just automatically going with the norm.

@willWillSmithsmith No, I can't. Why does it matter? Maybe men find it annoying that women have different options when they don't.

Evidently not many of them, or something would've been done about it by now.

Again, why does it matter? You can call yourself what you want, and can snooze to indicate your marital status if you wish or not if that's what you prefer.

I used to be a sales rep in a previous life and I made a point of making sure I addressed all my customers correctly.

This has stayed with me and is the polite and respectful way of dealing with people. If I'm not sure I ask, I don't presume.

However, I don't think that anyone who doesn't want to have the title Mrs should tell those who do that they shouldn't. Politenes works both ways.

Was that to me?

Can I ask why you’d be annoyed if someone ‘dared’ to call you Ms.

Yes, it would be like grown men being called Master because they’re not married. It seems there are still a lot of women who can’t see why it’s an issue though that adult women have more than one honorific and the reasons behind it.

I suspect most couldn't care less. The Miss/Mrs/Ms issue seems to be an issue for women to argue about.

Most men couldn’t care less about this issue because it’s never affected them negatively. For the same reason most men never even think about what happens around surnames on marriage, because the current system advantages them.

I'm really surprised that people seem to know the titles of everyone they know! I only know a handful. Most, but not all, married women that I know the titles of use Mrs, there's also a Dr and a Ms. I also know that my daughter and her friends have mostly chosen Ms.

But generally I don't use their titles, and it hasn't come up in conversation.

It also demonstrates inequality when it is asked for on job application forms.

I can see how that’s more equal on a societal level but it’s still not fair on individuals: I wouldn’t be thrilled if I had four boys and none of them got my surname! But I agree it’s fairer, on average, than the current system.

It’s very hard to come up with a solution that would work for everyone; I quite like the idea of each couple creating a mishmash of both names but then I guess tracing family trees gets difficult.

I work in a large primary school and all the married, female staff use Mrs (very wide age range).

I quite often need to check parents' details and am yet to come across a married mum who doesn't use Mrs.

@Sparkleandshine231 Oh OK, then. What do GPs call themselves, for example? Police officers?
As a teacher I would address a parent by their title and would hope that they also addressed me as Ms --.

You're right I don't know the titles of my closest friends, but I never use them.

@cariadlet Same at my school.
Honest question... if my child was at your school and you needed to call me, how would you address me?

Just curious if you're taking on board at all that 75% of people think you're being unreasonable? Or was this just more of a rant on here regardless of people's opinions? Do you not see that in schools people generally get Miss or Mrs regardless of whether they are a Miss Mrs Ms Mx?

I don't 'feel I have to' use Miss, @Genevieva ; on the contrary, I've been Miss for over fifty years and I don't 'feel I have to' change the name I've used my entire life to appease a handful of people who have a bee in their bonnet about it (and none of whom seem to exist outwith the internet).

@TayIorShift I've been a teacher for 20 years. I have never known it to be just "Miss". If everybody was Miss regardless of marital status then fine.

But on loads of different threads you've referred to yourself as 'a Miss' and said you retained your 'Miss' title after marriage.

So why would others suddenly start calling you Ms?

But you're 'Miss' in school aren't you?

I mean the pupils call you that?

Every school I've been a part of, or my kids have been a part of everyone generally is Miss or Mrs, whether they are actually called Miss or Mrs. Mrs Walker might really be a Miss, Miss Taylor might really be a Mrs. No one cares. No teacher has ever ever said please don't call me that.

@TayIorShift Do you mean people just "make it up?"

I have the same problem op! I married and stayed Ms. My last name.

We announced our intentions. Then we had a baby a year later. Our dd has her own unique last name and when our passports run out, we will change our names to Ms. My last name - dd last name and Mr his last name - dd last name.

My grandmother in law called me mrs his first name his last name and it was massively triggering and I got very upset about. It felt like a violation of my identity and autonomy to erase me like that. We put her straight and she apologised.

My mother in law calls me my dd last name which she also misspells, despite being corrected repeatedly.

We realise we aren't being conventional, but when we have to repeatedly correct family members, it is a bit of a piss take.