Being called Mrs *-*

[LorlieS]

I'm married and a Ms My Last Name - His Last Name (hubby also double-barrelled when we married).
So why do so many people insist on addressing me as a Mrs?! AIBU to be annoyed by this?

Yes it is; in my case my male partner is the financially more vulnerable one (although it’s pretty easy to circumnavigate this without being married)

@Gruffallowhydidntyouknow in my job I never sent things to couples, only individuals.

If I received a letter that just had my name my first response wouldn't be to insult the sender's level of education. I'd rather that than it be assumed I was Miss or Mrs.

Someone who thinks the only reason why one might not use Mr and Mrs Smith in that scenario is lack of education can safely be assumed to be poorly educated themselves, on modern norms.

Genuine question, If you some women really don't want to change to Mrs Husbands surname when they marry why don't they just keep their name as Miss own name ? Or if they divorce why not Just be Miss maiden name ? Why the need to change their name ever ?

I actually haven’t got it wrong please do your research. Either way a medical or research doctor is more highly qualified than a teacher.

Miss means unmarried.

Women often change their surname or double-barrel it to create a name representing an equal partnership, rather than the tradition of the woman becoming another man's property. Plus, it's often easier to create a family name to share with their children. Things can get confusing when children have different surnames to their parents.

This might be absolutely mind blowing to you, but many teachers actually have a doctorate. I’ve personally got a three year degree, a separate masters, plus a postgrad. So 8 years of uni.

This is my experience too. Always Miss, whether married or not.

That was my experience at school too. And in all the schools I work with now, teachers are always called either Sir or Miss in class.

I'm not UK based, but the teachers were always Mrs X if they were married. Am early 40s. In my daughter's school they call all their teachers by their first name which eliminates any confusion 😁

How do you pronounce Mx? I personally find it strange to say Ms outloud. If I saw Ms i would probably revert to saying Miss outloud

2024 and women are expected to tolerate being asked if they are married or not every time they book travel or a hotel, open an account, arrange a shopping delivery etc.

My current tactic is to go by Mr if it’s an online thing, or if in person, ask the person asking my title if they are married

I would never call a teacher by their first name or give them a title of my choosing. So disrespectful.

The word doctor is derived from the Latin verb “docere,” meaning to teach. Scholars have used this title for best part of a millennium. In the Middle Ages some medical schools became jealous and stole the title for themselves despite the fact their graduates didn’t have doctorates. Medical doctors do not have a doctorate, it’s merely a custom to call them doctor.

Interestingly, in Germany you must have a PhD in order to call yourself Doktor. If you’re a medical doctor you may only use Arzt (male) or Arztin (female).

Plus in the U.K. Consultants don’t use Doctor. It’s junior doctors and GPs who do.

This is incorrect. Surgeons don’t use doctor. Consultants in paediatrics, neurology, psychiatry & a host of other roles will all use doctor.

I wanted to put surgeons, dithered and picked the wrong one, ah well.

Consultant physicians use doctor, surgeons use Mr.

Some of my family and especially DHs rfamily assume I have his surname. It drives me up the wall if they send me a card with his surname. Our DDs also don't have his surname (although DS does, long story) and they write his surname.
MIL was furious when I refused to change my name after our wedding, which is probably why she still, after 11 years of marriage, uses his surname.
Luckily in my work we just use first names, although people do ask how can I be married and have a DS with a different name?

But you are a married woman, which is what Mrs denotes.

Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean they’re doing anything wrong. These people aren’t referring to you as a frog, instead of a human. Or calling you Jemima when your name is Alice. You ARE a married woman and therefore they use the word that has been used for many many years to refer to a married woman. It’s factual.

Honestly, who not spend your grime trying to pass a bill that removes all Mr/Mrs/Miss-es if you have such an issue. But please, for the love of god, stop trying to convince people that they’re wrong for using words with assigned meanings for describing exactly what it is they’re looking at.

If you have brown hair, but you prefer the term “caramel”, someone isn’t wrong for describing you as having brown hair. They’re just using the word acknowledged to mean what they’re seeing.

Just politely say you go by Ms not Mrs, if really necessary. Or just get over it and don’t let the Maitre D ruin your day 🙄

And Dr. If qualified to do so.

Well I don’t think it does matter. In fact I’m perfectly happy to have different parts of my life disconnected by using a different name.

The parents at my DCs school can’t google “Mrs Blufell DC-Surname” and find out anything about my professional life where I’m Dr Maiden-Surname. Equally DH’s friends and colleagues can’t google “Mrs Blufell DH-Surname” and snoop on me. Some of my own friends and relatives assume I’m “Mrs or Dr Blufell DH-Surname” and I don’t correct them because it preserves my digital privacy. On social media I’m Blufell MiddleName. At work I’m Dr Maiden-Name which means nobody who knows me professionally can find my personal profiles or anything about my private life. Lots of people nowadays use different titles and surnames to disconnect their public, private and professional identities.

I think most married women still use Mrs so it's a fair assumption to make. You're free to correct them if you wish. Or just let it go as it's hardly worth getting your knickers in a twist about!