Being called Mrs *-*

[LorlieS]

I'm married and a Ms My Last Name - His Last Name (hubby also double-barrelled when we married).
So why do so many people insist on addressing me as a Mrs?! AIBU to be annoyed by this?

So it's not reserved for women
I'm not seeing your reference to sexism

I think it’s a very old tradition so people naturally think that once you’re married you’re a Mrs and take husband’s last name. That is what most women do. I’m sure they couldn’t care less about what you’re called. It’s probably confusing for them that you don’t want to be Mrs but you have taken your husband’s last name. I’m not sure I understand why one’s ok and the other isn’t to be honest.

Pot, kettle, black.

Tbh this thread has been astounding for the sheer volume of sneery "just chill out"/"don't you have other problems" type of posts. It's entirely possible to have more than one thought in our heads.

Because Ms is relatively new form of address.

I think schools should consider why teachers are commonly referred to as Sir and Miss rather than Sir and Ma'am and whether in this day and age they should change this to reflect the fact that women have equal status and can continue working when married.

There is nothing wrong whatsoever with wanting to be 'Mrs', but it's just the assumption and sometimes direct questioning by men. It's always men. I don't know if this is the norm but I never used the prefixes when writing official correspondence to people. So it would just be the name, unless it's copied information. If I have to address them by surname and it's a female I would always assume Ms as common ground. I have had someone correcting me to Mrs which is cool. But its rare. It seems to happen when their actual surname has changed and that's when people moan if they use the old one.

I am afraid I don’t have the time nor inclination to educate you about feminism and the history of the subjugation of women and why saying ‘calm down dear’ to a man is rude and unhelpful, but not as offensive as saying it to a woman.

There are schools who do this. I worked in one. Took some getting used to but it was just accepted as the norm

Is that true? I didn’t know that. So MD doctors don’t officially have the title ‘dr’? Is that right. I’m really curious about that as a PhD holder, I always feel a bit awkward using that title.

I haven't read all the messages but this is actually one of the reasons I didn't take DH's name. I really really didn't see why I had to be Mrs and I very quickly realised that if we shared a name, there wasn't a chance in hell that I would d be referred to as Ms DH Name.

Having said that, DS school is very good about getting names right but I was amused recently to receive an email from his form teacher saying Dear Mrs MyName. I really thought the fact that my name is different to both DS' and my DH's would be a clear sign I'm not Mrs anything!

One of my favourite things about being married was becoming Mrs Husband name. It feels like a lovely unit. It's traditional. I'm not less of a woman because of it.

I'm really sad to think traditions will die out because of some silly idea of it being patriarchal and making a stand about it.

OP you are not unreasonable at all.
I don't know why this malarkey of Miss/ Mrs is not abolished already. Why a man is always a Mr not matter their marital status?
And why women still put up with this?

I'm forever Ms. And didn't change my family name. He can change his if he wish.

Maybe a significant proportion of women put up with it because they are happy with it? I am a Mrs out of choice.

I used to work in a school where Sir and Madam were the usual forms of address rather than Sir and Miss when not using surnames. After getting over the brothel vibe I found it quite pleasing to be referred to as Madam.

I’m a Ms, and was so when married and still now I’m divorced. I’d prefer the European style of calling all adult women the equivalent of Mrs, Madame, Frau etc. The only title I actually dislike is Miss because it makes me think of a child or a misogynistic belittling of someone who hasn’t managed to ‘catch a husband.’ Pah!

Interestingly If we get a letter to "Gemma and James Smith" rather than Mr and Mrs Smith then I think that the person writing isn't educated enough to understand how a letter should be addressed.

@80skid it’s very reasonable to assume that a woman who is married has the title Mrs, and to be angry that people are making this assumption is ridiculous. I do agree with you though, I don’t think women should have different titles for marital status, and if OP was pushing for this to be changed I’d 100% back her, but she isn’t doing that, she’s getting angry at random almost strangers for making a very reasonable assumption 🤷‍♀️

Out of the ordinary? It’s 2024 and Ms has been around since the 70s. OP just correct people every time. That’s what I do and if it’s in a professional situation where they absolutely shouldn’t make assumptions then I point this out to them.

Then YADBU. How many people go round being called Ms ffs?

Because marriage is a legal contract and offers more protection to the financially vulnerable partner (in theory).

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

Why does this not surprise me? 🤔

*financially vulnerable people

My mistake @GneissGuysFinishLast
I'll edit my post - although it is usually women.

I’d do Mr J and Mrs/Ms G Smith (if I knew the Mrs/ms preference, if not I’d assume Mrs).

The properly correct from however would be Mr and Mrs J Smith.

Im happy to be Mrs but I don’t want to be Mrs DH Surname.

We all navigate our way through somehow! If it bothers you OP correct people and but it on your staff ID.

I'm really sad to think traditions will die out because of some silly idea of it being patriarchal and making a stand about it.

Good. If you think correct identification of the roots of the custom and women wanting to do the same as you do and use a title they like is silly, you've earned yourself the sadness.

Yes, yes - and in response to the other posters who also didn't "get" it. A man can also be called Dr, Rev, Prof etc but men won't normally be called Miss, Mrs, Ms or Mx, nor will women be called Mr 🙄

I'm ignoring Lady, Princess and Queen etc because how many of us really have those options open to us? It's four possibles versus one.

This has sort of brought a sad memory up for me. My mother was terrified of being demoted to Ms on her divorce. Divorced women back then were the dregs of society and on a par with fallen women. Even a woman living in sin was higher up. Thank goodness it is no longer like that now for women, but it is still in living memory.