Partner turned off (My) wifi and upset my Son - AIBU

[candragonsbepurple]

My partner is childless. I have two children (A son who is eleven and a daughter who is seven)

My ex husband moved to take care of his Dad six months ago but before that we had been divorced two years. Exes Dad has cancer and he's alone (Ex is an only child and his Mum died way before I met him) I'd have moved myself and my children to be nearer to ex so they could see each other but Ex was completely adamant they stay where they are for school and their friends.

One of the ways my children communicate with their Dad is through video games. I dont know how it works but they talk to each other while they play. They do this every sunday for a few hours before tea time. Sunday just gone my son wasn't well but really wanted to play games with his dad. I said that was okay and I'd save him some dinner (I made him some eggs and soldiers)

My partner cut the wifi when my son didn't come to the table. His reasoning was my son was being disobedient but I'd told him three times that DS wasn't feeling a hundred percent and I don't force my kids to eat big meals when they are unwell. My son was understandably distraught thinking his Dad had ended the game without saying goodbye and my partner kicked off.

He started ranting and raving how under HIS roof my son should have more respect. I reminded partner that we live in 2024, not 1924 and the house I owned was mine that my Mother left to me.

I ended up kicking my partner out - He went home in a huff and now I'm being put in the middle by partner's Mum saying that I should teach my children respect.

AIBU in thinking it's not my partner's place to parent my children - he's not a live-in boyfriend, we've been together ten months and that his Mum should keep her nose out

Partner is fine if you're committed to being together.

Your child, your decision, none of his business. He needs to respect your decisions unless they negatively affect him (e.g. if you are unwilling to discipline your son who keeps smashing up partner's things). If he can't respect your decisions then he needs to leave.

Do you think it was in any way deliberate and designed to upset your son by cutting him off from his dad? At the very least it sounds like unpleasant controlling behaviour but could stray into emotionally abusive.

Definitely go with @Natty13 response.

Why are some women so desperate for a man that they would inflict such a bullying twat on their own children...in there own children's home and safe space??

Bloody cheek

He started ranting and raving how under HIS roof my son should have more respect

And he doesn't even live there, let alone own the house??

That would be a no from me. What a twat.

Hopefully he (and his interfering Mother) is a permanent Ex Partner now.

The lack of response from OP is making me worry that she doesn’t like the obvious solution to the issue, to get rid.

I always try and keep my nose out of telling people what to do with their relationships but...

BIG RED FLAG DUMP HIM

@candragonsbepurple

AIBU in thinking it's not my partner's place to parent my children - he's not a live-in boyfriend, we've been together ten months and that his Mum should keep her nose out

Glad you kicked him out of YOUR home so decisively for disrespecting you and YOUR child by turning off YOUR Wifi, which YOU pay for. He has a bloody cheek to think he can throw his weight around like this EVEN IF it was his house, utilities etc.

Let him stay at his mother's and block her everywhere. None of this is her business and she's done a sterling job bringing him up (not) and can now enjoy the results whilst he bunks in with her. Block him too and change the locks if he ever had access to your keys (don't rely on the fact he doesn't have duplicates) and, in future relationships, leave it longer before any man comes into your home whilst your children are there and thinks he can usurp parents' rights and responsibilities. Don't doubt yourself here OP - you are very well rid of this cheeky person. 🌹

Who the hell made him the boss in your home? Why the hell does he think he has the right to overrule you? He is an arrogant bastard who has to run to his mummy when you stand up to him. Please make him an ex and stay single for a while until your children recover from their Dad moving out and you bringing a abusive twat into their home.

Dudes the OP hasn't been back. You're wasting your time.

Kick him out permanently.

Also his mother sticking her oar in is unacceptable

I hope you’re going to come back and confirm to us that it’s over, OP! The man sounds a right wanker. Don’t let him back in, block him and his interfering mother.

..........His reasoning was my son was being disobedient but I'd told him three times that DS wasn't feeling a hundred percent and I don't force my kids to eat big meals when they are unwell. ..............

Maybe you sone could have reacted - but more importantly partner isn't the Dad, he's not been round that long AND you'd already told partner the situation.

.................He started ranting and raving how under HIS roof my son should have more respect. I reminded partner that we live in 2024, not 1924 and the house I owned was mine that my Mother left to me...................

His roof? Looks like you've dodged a bullet there. True colours coming out? respect is earned not granted. Telling off another person's child is fraught with problems, etiquette etc.

..............and now I'm being put in the middle by partner's Mum saying that I should teach my children respect................

She should butt out, it's her son who hasn't recognised boundaries.

Whatever his positive qualities this should be a big red flag. not a recipe for long lasting happiness or security for anyone.

Or maybe she's just been busy and will log on and be like WOOOOOAHHHHH

I wouldn't want to sit at one table with him. Excellent choice by your son!

That would be the relationship over for me.

But also to note, you say you don’t know how your child communicates over games. This is something you need to learn asap to monitor to make sure he’s only talking to dad and not being groomed for anything else.

OP told her own child it was fine for him not to come down to dinner. This guy took it upon himself to cut a utility in a house that isn't his to punish a child that isn't his. There is no excuse for this, this isn't an issue of respect or manners or anything else, this is a controlling guy showing his true colours.

OP you did the right thing booting him out. Keep him out now, change your locks, block him and his mommy dearest wherever you can. You can do a lot better for you and your children.

This is brilliant.
Send it to his mum and tell her to expect him back as he's certainly not part of your life anymore.

Okay ten months is younger than the tuna I've got in the cupboard- bf, not partner. Too soon to be living with you. Sounds like a 🔔 end.
However, did he ask your DS to come down and your DS refused? If that is so then yes, your son needs to be told that basic respect means he comes down, even if it is to explain the situation in a grown up manner.

You did the right thing and I’m sorry but if he is that controlling without even being a live in partner then I don’t think you have much of a future .

Well done for kicking him out!! Tell him to fuck off permanently!

You are ABSOLUTELY NOT being unreasonable!!

My god. It sounds like you have lovely kids and a lovely set-up co-parenting your lovely kids, without any need for your ar*ehole bf throwing his weight around. Why would he care about a kid he doesn't even live with eating dinner? And his mother has absolutely nothing to do with this whatsoever.

Very well done for sticking up for your son. That's what children need - loving parents who've got their back - NOT being taught "obedience" and "respect" by some bloke who pops round a couple of times a week.