To dislike men who seek out foreign brides

[Hartley99]

There are quite a few documentaries about this on YouTube. The guy is usually ugly or boring or nerdy (usually all three). He claims to be ‘looking for love,’ when in reality, of course, he’s looking for a sexual partner. So he goes online and searches for girls in poor countries - often Thailand or Russia. In almost every case the girl is younger and/or much more attractive than him.

Recently, there was a documentary on channel 4, and I ended up having an argument with someone at work about it. They thought the whole thing was ‘sweet’ and funny and couldn’t see anything wrong. To them it made sense. The guy got to have sex with a girl out of his league, and the girl got to move to a richer country with more opportunities. To me it just seemed revolting. However you spin it, they are taking advantage of her poverty. They know that she wouldn’t look twice at them in any other circumstance. Apparently, after the invasion of Ukraine there was a massive spike in men looking for Ukrainian brides online. I mean that says it all. Or am I being uptight and judgemental?

W*hat a bunch of mysoginistic, alphabet soup , strawman whataboutery
*
LoL.

Why are you taking this so personally? Thought you weren't one of these men? Your Chinese wife is your equal right? Why do you even care so much what we think about this group of men?

Seems to me you're feeling guilty...

So desperate to stick up for entitled men, in the same breath telling women to stop sticking up for other women. The hypocrisy is ridiculous.

There are likely very good reasons these men are being rejected by multiple women but somehow that's the women's fault.

Maybe the men should figure out why they are so undesirable and do something about it

My British wife. It's interesting that you focus on her race.

As I've said previously, the women on this thread seem to deal in racist tropes.

You took it upon yourself to announce her race. Do some soul searching mate.

In a post questioning whether people would judge us based upon her race.

I think we now have the answer to that question, don't we.

I used to, but I think a bit differently about it these days.

One of DHs oldest friends is married to a woman from Thailand (they met in a Thai bride scenario) and it's a completely normal equal relationship as far as I can see. He is an average guy, has a job, house, all his own teeth etc. He's never been anything but respectful to me and other friends/wives/gfs/sisters/mothers. He had been in a couple of relationships where he wasn't treated that well and I think he just became quite disillusioned in his late 20s, he wanted to get married and start a family so he went for it. His wife isn't what I would have thought would be a typical Thai bride either, she's university educated and has always worked. Her small business was in the newspaper a few years ago related to how well it's doing

At this point their DC is in secondary school. DHs friend would love to move to Thailand and live off the rental income of the properties they've bought there over the years. She's more practical, insisting that their DC goes to school and university in Europe because she says that the quality of education here is better and she wants them both to have decent pensions no matter where they end up. I've been to events at their home with their friends who are in similarly arranged relationships and while the men are all different I can't say any of them are repulsive or particularly awkward. I honestly think that they just have different criteria to what I had for relationships, marriage, family and who am I to judge if everyone's happy and not being taken advantage of?

Also, my Thai colleague with 2 doctorates in an obscure and complicated science discipline, the leading expert in her field, is married to an Italian guy- I wonder what narrow minded busybodies (like myself, at times!) think when they see them out for lunch or playing with their DCs?

Please don't be silly. Taking a critical stance on men exploiting young women, and pointing out to you that there are many more examples of male bad behaviour, yet you hypocritically label UK women 'as nasty' for much less significant things does not mean I'm 'brim full of hatred for men' Your personal sensitivity around this topic is impeding your objectivity, and you are resorting to hyperbole.

The rest of us managed to form a coherent argument without physical descriptions of ourselves and partners. Not sure why you couldn't.

I gave you an answer several pages ago. You have a Chinese British wife of roughly your own age that you met as equals. You therefore have nothing in common with the men who are the subject of the thread. The fact you seem insistent on grouping yourself with them and taking offence is on you, not the women on the thread talking about a different group entirely.

Stop attempting to victim blame me for your bigotry.

What exactly are you the victim of?

I lived in Thailand for 15 years. Was married to a Fhai man and have half Thai children. I speak Thai. I think your post is patronising and shows very little understanding of the often transactional nature of relationships .. that shock ! Happen amongst white Anglo Saxon Brits too..

There are very many European men in their 50s and 60s married to younger Thai women. Some are misogynistic boars who treat their spouses appallingly.. there are also a huge amount who are extremely happy with their relationships.. and the lifestyle it has afforded them.

If you have met and married a white European/American/Australian then you are working and socialising in Academia, Aid work or Sex work. The latter category being the most prevalent. If this is your employment as a Thai woman in your 20s /30s then a 'wealthy' man in his 50s who treats you well, marries you, brings you back to his home country where you are free to work and send EVERY PENNY back to your parents/children etc is a pretty fantastic life opportunity..

Ultimately there are good and bad relationships. My experience of Thai/UK summer/autumn marriages is that they are mostly very happy. As both get what they are looking for and happy to provide .

I think most of us understand why the women might make that choice. Doesn't change my low opinion of those men though.

I wonder what males from these countries think of these western men. I wonder why men from eg, Philippines/ Thailand aren't equally as pursued as the women are

I think someone answered that before. Apparently they just have more integrity and better standards than the women "would rather starve than end up with a middle aged ,fat ,western woman". So insightful.

Oh and also they're not as attractive so women go elsewhere.

Basically women suck, no matter where they're from.

Plenty of men and women in the U.K. also marry purely for money and/or prestige/opportunities etc.

And they're equally soull-less.

Who wants that long term? Unless you've got someone you love on the side 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Racist tropes about Asian men's 'physique' and the female preference for taller men.

As someone else said, women tend to head to Jamaica or Africa in search of 'larger' men.

No that’s your interpretation of what was said, but you’re showing your own insecurities and racism referencing taller men.

But they’re not desperate, just greedy and shallow and soulless. Women in the U.K. have access to free healthcare and welfare support, both for themselves and those they love. They also have opportunities to better themselves.

Put whatever spin on it you like, the simple facts remain:

1. The women come from poorer countries
2. They are not looking for love but for a better life
3. Many are desperate, or have been pressured into joining these sites by ageing parents who want support in later life
4. The majority of the men are much older and far less attractive than the women.
5. They are taking advantage of the girl’s situation

It has nothing to do with race. No one is talking about a 50-year-old white English guy married to a 48-year-old Chinese lady who came to the U.K. as a student in the 1990s and met him at university. There is no power imbalance in that relationship. Let’s say they were both studying genetics at Bristol University, met, were attracted to one another, found they shared a similar humour, fell in love and married. Totally different thing. No one was exploited, no one was vulnerable.

Well, they do go to Africa and Jamaica and not Thailand or the Philippines, so.....

I say it seems icky at first glance bc it does. I understand why people judge this kind of thing harshly but in the couple I know personally it isn’t imho.

the man is average looking at best, lives rurally so not a large dating pool to begin with, and due to difficulty finding women who will date him, went abroad for a wife.

it looks gross but as I said before they (seem to) have a happy marriage, been together over 20 years, have several kids, she started a cleaning business which adds a good income to his, so again IMHO this situation started shaky but both have made the best of it

both parties definitely benefitted tho and I know that her original motivation was likely financial/quality of life, she is beautiful and on equal ground probably would never have dated him.

your reply is pretty harsh, I’m just saying its complicated.

It's gross. My dad and his two brothers did this with Thai women and they all got scammed out of thousands (which they deserved as all the women were old enough to be their kids)