To dislike men who seek out foreign brides

[Hartley99]

There are quite a few documentaries about this on YouTube. The guy is usually ugly or boring or nerdy (usually all three). He claims to be ‘looking for love,’ when in reality, of course, he’s looking for a sexual partner. So he goes online and searches for girls in poor countries - often Thailand or Russia. In almost every case the girl is younger and/or much more attractive than him.

Recently, there was a documentary on channel 4, and I ended up having an argument with someone at work about it. They thought the whole thing was ‘sweet’ and funny and couldn’t see anything wrong. To them it made sense. The guy got to have sex with a girl out of his league, and the girl got to move to a richer country with more opportunities. To me it just seemed revolting. However you spin it, they are taking advantage of her poverty. They know that she wouldn’t look twice at them in any other circumstance. Apparently, after the invasion of Ukraine there was a massive spike in men looking for Ukrainian brides online. I mean that says it all. Or am I being uptight and judgemental?

Is there ever a good reason why anyone would go to a particular country specifically to look for a relationship? What exactly would they be hoping to find in, or offer to, that particular group of people? It's predatory whoever is doing it.

If a white blonde women, that's never found a life partner in the UK, went to Jamaica looking for a relationship, would it automatically be creepy and abusive? If she found a partner and they moved to the UK, would you be as disgusted as you profess to be by men with Thai women?

If there's a significant power imbalance, then yes, I would.

However alongside this narrative, there seems to be also the idea that it's better to be alone than "settle" for less than perfect. So a highly intelligent women say, who earns quite a bit of money, but who isn't seen as particularly attractive can often find it difficult to find a male partner in a similar position, because in general terms men will have more choice

It seems that the issue at hand is being masked under the guise of concern for the welfare of poor village girls. However, it is important to note that countries such as Ukraine and Russia have cultural norms regarding relationships that differ greatly from those in the UK. These countries are not home to uneducated or unworldly people, contrary to what some may believe.
International dating is a popular trend due to globalization. Unfortunately, some women who are seeking romantic partners in this global marketplace are discovering that their worth is being measured and compared against alternative cultural values.
A bitter pill for some it seems.

Cheers for that. That’s not what anyone was talking about.

Someone posted that nice men in the UK have no problem finding partners.

I disagree - I think there are numerous nice men and indeed women who can’t find partners.

Why do you keep going on about how "nice" they are then? Can you not think of another adjective? Or is it all these people have going for them?

Are you call nice men and women that made their OH's life miserable by cheating on them? One does not know is someone is genuinely nice be it man/woman until they have lived with them for some time. What appears nice at arms length may be a totally different person close up or once they've got what the wanted

Unfortunately, some women who are seeking romantic partners in this global marketplace are discovering that their worth is being measured and compared against alternative cultural values.
A bitter pill for some it seems.

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I think the bitter pill appears to be that grimey, disgusting, fat, bald, ugly, boring, geeky men are finding success in this global marketplace, despite what the good women of mumsnet instinctively know about these men who they've never met, but have happily judged.

Have you missed the posts on mumsnet from women who want to leave their marriages but stay because they can't afford to leave?

I wouldn't assume women from those countries don't understand feminism. They do in their own way. Tolerate an overweight misogynistic baldie on top of them 3 times a week for a passport and/or better lifestyle (until they can bin him off ) .

Such is life.

Weird measure of success, something that's available to everyone who's richer than some of the poorest people in the world

Really though, the decisions the women make are irrelevant to the behavior of the men who seek them out. It's two entirely separate discussions IMO.
The woman might tolerate the misogynistic baldie, but that doesn't make it ok for him to ask her to.

Weird measure of success, something that's available to everyone who's richer than some of the poorest people in the world

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I'm sorry, but i don't understand.

What's 'available to everyone who's richer than some of the poorest people on earth'?

Also, Thailand isn't really a poor country. The average salary is $2800 per month.

The Nigel no one wants is now the naughty Nigel wanted all over the world.

If a woman is seeking out disadvantaged young men and offering the things they need in exchange for sex with her, then yes, she would be exploiting them. And yes that is abusive. However as I mentioned up thread and will say again, because it matters, maleness brings protection to men from abuse by women that is not the case the other way round.

The impoverished young man by virtue of his maleness will start out with more options than his female counterpart, the equally impoverished young woman. This will also be the case if he is brought to the UK. He will find it easier to secure his independence if he is unhappy. He will statistically be more employable and be paid a higher wage than a woman in his position. He will not become vulnerable through pregnancy or by having children that can be weaponised against him. He is likely to have the physical advantage to protect himself from violence or imprisonment by his female partner. He will not have been socialised to obey and fear women. So typically he can up and leave when he's had enough of the deal with relative ease.

Which is precisely the way most of the stories end when we flip the sexes, leaving the woman (albeit some may say deservedly) the loser.

It's patronising when people presume that when someone from another culture makes choices that differ from those that are seen as "mainstream" in western, usually English speaking countries, then they must obviously be doing so due to lack of education and poverty.

The fact is that for many women on mn, to say that a woman may consciously choose to accept anything different from a conventionally attractive, liberal partner, who earns higher than average and also partakes in exactly 50% of the housework and raising children, is looked down on.

The idea that women from other cultures would accept to do "more than their share" of housework and childcare, while maybe only working rarely or not at all irritates them, because they feel that somehow, it enables men to cheat the system. They should have been punished and been forced to remain celibate forever.
It doesn't matter if these women may actually not feel cheated and actually may be happy with their choices, because it enables them to have other benefits that they otherwise might not have had, free time, fewer money worries, stability, ability to raise children themselves, whatever.
They can't openly be annoyed because they might appear xenophobic, so instead say they are being abused or at least taken advantage of.

I acknowledge that there will always be a problem with abusive men,and so within the group of men who marry foreign women there will also be a number who are abusive, however that doesn't mean it's necessarily more than the average.
The other men may not be seen as a "catch" in western standards but that doesn't mean that other cultures wouldn't find them attractive.

What a bunch of mysoginistic, alphabet soup , strawman whataboutery.

Did you pull a muscle from all those mental gymnastics?

"The idea that women from other cultures would accept to do "more than their share" of housework and childcare, while maybe only working rarely or not at all irritates them, because they feel that somehow, it enables men to cheat the system."

If their alternative is washing clothes in a steam and 6+ kids due to no control over their fertility, then maybe sticking a load in the washing machine and caring for 2 kids doesn't seem like such a big deal?

1. Whatever helps you sleep at night mate.

1. I thought it was patronising,xenophobic and racist to presume these women are poor. Or is that the case only if it's presumed by women?

If women from other cultures are happily choosing to iron old Brian's pants in full knowledge of the myriad of other options available to women, and with the same level of access to those opportunities as their western sisters, then you're right @rumbanana and I'll get my coat. (And eat my hat.)

You sound ghastly and I feel very sorry for your wife. I also hope to God you don't have any kids as teaching this kind of poisonous guff to the next generation is beyond vile.
Women do not owe men dating, sex or relationships. Andrew Tate is a rapist who should be in jail. Clear?

"Women do not owe men dating, sex or relationships. "

Agreed, but conversely, men that get repeatedly rejected by UK women (who can be quite nasty*) are free to look abroad. That could be somewhere like Germany (British men are very popular there, from my experience) or further afield in somewhere like Thailand. You can label them however you want, but I really don't think they'll care.

* This thread is full of horrible, judgemental and rude comments about men and their appearance. There's also another thread where a woman says how much she enjoys her new job now that she's only working with men because there's no nastiness and backbiting in the office.

So, because you've read a thread from a woman who worked with some nasty women, and some people have said the men in the documentary were ugly, you've concluded uk women are 'nasty'? Because honestly, if that's all it takes to form your opinion, I'd strongly suggest you avoid the countless threads from women sexually harassed by men at work, in the street, or raped, or beaten by men. That you avoid the news where daily you'll see more of the same. That you avoid large gatherings of drunken men when women are walking past. Because as a man, you'll not live with your 'nasty' self otherwise.

@5128gap don't forget the first and eighth rule of misogyny.

1. Women are responsible for what men do.

8. Men are whatever men say they are and women are whatever men say they are.

I was replying to this delightful woman, but ok.

You sound ghastly.
I feel very sorry for your wife.
I also hope to God you don't have any kids

All because the previous poster made the mistake of typing 'be kind'.

If you'd bothered to read the thread (I'm sure you have, but you choose to ignore what's actually been written because it contradicts your rant), you'd know that those comments haven't been written exclusively about the men featured in a documentary. A mother of a disfigured boy actually had to ask the women in this thread to stop being so nasty about men's looks.

But whatever, you seem to be full to the brim with your hatred of men.

A mother of a disfigured boy actually had to ask the women in this thread to stop being so nasty about men's looks.

Disfigured child. Interesting you assume the child is a boy. That might be the case.. but interesting.