To dislike men who seek out foreign brides

[Hartley99]

There are quite a few documentaries about this on YouTube. The guy is usually ugly or boring or nerdy (usually all three). He claims to be ‘looking for love,’ when in reality, of course, he’s looking for a sexual partner. So he goes online and searches for girls in poor countries - often Thailand or Russia. In almost every case the girl is younger and/or much more attractive than him.

Recently, there was a documentary on channel 4, and I ended up having an argument with someone at work about it. They thought the whole thing was ‘sweet’ and funny and couldn’t see anything wrong. To them it made sense. The guy got to have sex with a girl out of his league, and the girl got to move to a richer country with more opportunities. To me it just seemed revolting. However you spin it, they are taking advantage of her poverty. They know that she wouldn’t look twice at them in any other circumstance. Apparently, after the invasion of Ukraine there was a massive spike in men looking for Ukrainian brides online. I mean that says it all. Or am I being uptight and judgemental?

They don’t have to date dull men at all. This tangent started because someone claimed that Really nice guys don't struggle to attract partners in the UK.

Since when is "nice" the only quality anyone looks for in a partner? These men make no effort, get offended when British women would rather stay single, then go looking for a woman who can't stay single. It's gross.

This isn't about whether these men should 'make do' with inferior uk women when they could 'meet' better ones from abroad though, is it? It's about whether they should impose themselves sexually on vulnerable young women in exchange for material benefits the woman needs. You keep trying to shift the parameters of the discussion to include ever smaller age gaps, sought after men who simply find women from abroad 'better', young men meeting women from abroad organically etc, when these are clearly not the people the OP is referring to. You're defending one thing with reference to something entirely different.

I think in some cases it works, some cases it's really obvious exploitation and in some it's not clear who is actually exploiting who.

There are examples I know.

Very shy guy, sheltered life, all male boarding school, really struggled to eve talk to women. Decent guy, always treated her well and she eventually feel for him genuinely. She always liked him but didn't love him at the outset. They are happy.

Another guy- very similar, also happy

Third guy, absolute creep, she eventually left him but he tells everyone she bled him dry. More power to her if she did.

Fourth guy, decent, lacks confidence. Still together. She is the boss and possibly abusive. He will never leave her.

Fifth is the weirdest story I know & half it could just be rumour. A very normal, although not overly bright, guy I was in school with metMarried, had kids. Things turned nasty when she wanted a divorce & demanded half the farm, which she was entitled too. He protested. Somewhere along the way, it turns out she had filmed herself & his father also having sexual relations. Lots of blackmail. Eventually, they paid her off. She returned home, left two kids with him. His father had a stroke and heartache since, now in a home. Son is a lot poorer now. This was about ten years ago as far as I know she has never been heard from since. Have wondered if she actually returned home or if they harmed her.

No major age gaps in any of these, typically 8-10 years.

That's a fair point. The OP was referring to old men shopping for very young women and i do agree that's very creepy and abusive.

There are plenty of posters in this thread, however, that clearly consider any man that travels to Thailand looking for a relationship to be no better than a UN Peace Keeper trading baby food for tricks.

I'm trying to explain that these relationships (not involving creepy old guys and very young women), that might seem completely one-sided in terms of looks and power, might actually be more like marriages of equals when other factors are taken into account.

How can a man travel to Thailand looking for a relationship in a non creepy way? Genuinely curious? What does that look like? How is it different to traveling to Thailand looking for a relationship in a creepy way?

So, if a lesbian moved from Anglesey to Brighton in hope of finding a relationship, that would automatically be creepy?

Nice deflection.

Depends on whether she was doing so because Brighton offers more lesbian friendly venues where she could meet other lesbians, or because she had heard that Brighton was full of impoverished young women who might be willing to be in a relationship with her to improve their standard of living.
Do you believe that men travel to Thailand from a belief that the young beautiful women there have a genuine desire for UK men like themselves, rather than a need for what they can provide materially? I struggle to believe a man unsuccessful in finding a relationship at home suddenly believes he's turned into God's gift the minute he steps off the plane.

No, because there isn't a power imbalance. The lesbian from Anglesey and the lesbian from Brighton both live in the UK – a relatively wealthy country with free healthcare. Neither is having to sell their body for a better life (or a better life for their loved ones). If they form a relationship, it will be one of equals. No one is exploiting or taking advantage of the other.

Two hundred years ago, it was routine for rich older men to 'seduce' (i.e blackmail, pressure or rape) teenage servant girls. The men thought of it as harmless fun. But it wasn't. Again, there was a power imbalance. The man had money, power, social status, and superior education. All the power was on his side, and in many cases the girls had no choice. And even when they were attracted to the man, and did want sex, he was still taking advantage of their youth and naivety.

"Do you believe that men travel to Thailand from a belief that the young beautiful women there have a genuine desire for UK men like themselves, rather than a need for what they can provide materially? I struggle to believe a man unsuccessful in finding a relationship at home suddenly believes he's turned into God's gift the minute he steps off the plane."

Having lived in the Far East, i can tell you that there is definitely an element of suddenly turning into God's gift when you step off the plane.

I was in Taiwan, which certainly isn't impoverished, but there would be girls throwing themselves at me and my friends in bars and nightclubs. They weren't looking for visas or long term relationships. They wanted to bag a foreigner.

The same applies in Thailand, but there will also be some women that are looking for a way out of their predicament.

The assumption on this thread is that the entire female population of Thailand is living in abject poverty so bad that they're incapable of entering into a non-abusive relationship and that they have exactly the same dating standards as UK women, so couldn't possibly find these men viable marriage material.

It's all based upon prejudice/racism.

So you're a bloke?

I did declare that some time ago.

@ThisOldThang I remember travelling many years ago in Japan and the quite normal looking young men in my hostel were treated like celebrities when they went to bars. Surrounded by attractive looking women buying them cocktails. Certainly the disparity of wealth seemed quite in the opposite direction to the one that the op mentions. I can only assume they looked exotic or exciting. Certainly they seemed to enjoy all the attention.

I guess, as with most things in life, it's a spectrum. If you take men who visit prostitutes as an example, there is a difference between a shy 16-year-old boy and a wealthy 60-something man. The boy can be excused to some extent. He is young, naive and stupid. His hormones are raging, and he knows very little of the world. Boys don't fully mature until they're in their early 20s. The 60-year-old businessman, however, is different. He's a full-grown adult and should know better. He's mature enough to know that prostitution involves a lot of human misery.

The examples you give are interesting. Any man who joins a dating site specifically set up to market pretty women from poor countries is contemptible. But, as you point out, the men themselves vary. In a way, the nice guys baffle me more than the horrible ones. I mean, an ugly 60-something guy with a foul attitude to women (you know, the sort who says "I prefer women with traditional values," meaning women from poor countries who'll do what I say) is just what he is. We've all met men like that. But the nice men you refer to seem the most deluded. Do they really think these women love them? What the hell do they say when they go to a party and someone asks "so how did you two meet?" If he was honest, he'd have to say something like "oh, well, she's from a poor rural village in Thailand and barely speaks English. She joined a dating site that put her in contact with men from richer countries. Her family pressured her into it because her dad is ill and her parents wanted support in old age. We chatted online for a bit, then I flew out there and after just two dates I proposed. I can't believe she said yes. She fell in love with me after just two dates! I mean, I'm no looker, and we could hardly communicate, but I obviously swept her off her feet. Amazing really."

The only people being racist about women from abroad are the MRA and male defenders on here accusing them of being gold diggers in order to frame the men as victims. No one thinks every single woman in Thailand is living in poverty. Bit this thread is about those who are, and the men who exploit them.
I get it, you went as a young man, and recieved a lot of attention. It's important to you to think the women were attracted to your looks and personality rather than the lifestyle they may have thought you could offer. Fine. Perhaps they were. But again, we're not talking about a young man on his holidays getting a lot of attention from the local girls, anymore than we're talking about someone meeting a same age woman from abroad at uni and falling in love. In short, we're not talking about you!

To put it a different way..I went to Jamaica when I was 21. I'm a white blonde UK woman. I was fighting off the young men. In fact the whole experience was deeply unpleasant as I felt constantly harassed. If I returned to Jamaica as a woman in my 50s, its quite possible I'd once again be fighting them off. Should I conclude from this that young Jamaican men have a thing for all white blonde women from the UK including middle aged ones? Or would that be a little naive (and also racist) of me?

Nah it's just aeroplane magic. Instant 10/10 the second you disembark.

I understand why the women do it but any bloke I've known who's done this has been a grimey inadequate wrong un

You are viewing this from your western, possibly feminist position, where you consider one type of relationship superior to another.
It's perfectly reasonable for you to choose a partner who you consider an "equal" in terms of age, attractiveness, education and wealth, however you seem to think that this is objectively the best type of partnership, rather than one of many.

You probably regard relationships, wherever in the world they occur, with a considerable difference between the couple, in any of the above attributes as less desirable.

However alongside this narrative, there seems to be also the idea that it's better to be alone than "settle" for less than perfect. So a highly intelligent women say, who earns quite a bit of money, but who isn't seen as particularly attractive can often find it difficult to find a male partner in a similar position, because in general terms men will have more choice

It's not a business arrangement though is it, it is a marriage. Abuse and exploitation and we're expected to find it 'romantic'

I would posit that, to some extent, all marriages are business arrangements.

I married a woman of fairly similar educational background and income. She was debt free, sensible with money and shared similar traditional* values. I also loved her, but when entering into a lifelong, legally binding contact, there are other things to consider.

* Importance of family, education, self-sacrifice to put the kids first, hard work, self-reliance, living within our means, not feeling the need to keep up with the Jones, etc.

You are viewing this from your western,

This bs again. I am not western. I view it as it is .. exploitation. The odd "..and they lived happily ever after " does not negate that, or how vulnerable and open to abuse the women are.

If you thought that applied to all Jamaican men, then you'd be racist.

If you suggested that not all women that travel to Jamaica looking for a relationship were abusive exploiters and that white blonde women may be considered more attractive, and a more desirable partner, by some men in Jamaica then the UK, would that be simply be stating a fact?

If a white blonde women, that's never found a life partner in the UK, went to Jamaica looking for a relationship, would it automatically be creepy and abusive? If she found a partner and they moved to the UK, would you be as disgusted as you profess to be by men with Thai women?

Regardless of who's doing it there's an imbalance and that's why it's exploitative and will always be exploitative. Exploitative doesn't always equal abusive but the fact is without that imbalance this situation isn't arising.