To say it's not really my problem that my friend chose to have two children

[Fruitystones]

DD10 is an only child. I'm close friends with the parents of her two oldest friends. They have multiple children. I would say my household income is the highest out of the three of us, although we're not rich at all. One of the two friends will always make comments about how it's unfair DD gets "so much". It will come up in passing or she'll see me post a picture and she will message.This has been going on for years, since I was a single mum on benefits (she was as well), and I've finally hit a point where I'm a bit sick of it,

Previous complaints have included -

DD had a bigger bedroom than her girls (she doesn't in our current home)

We take DD for a weekend away on her birthday and she can't do that with her girls

When they were little it was that it was that DD had a party at a "better" soft play to her DD.

DD has her own Nintendo switch when her kids have to share one

It's not fair that I get "time off parenting" in the holidays because DD goes to her grandparents for a few days.

It's not fair I got to move to the southwest and she'll be stuck in the north forever

There have been loads more, but these are the ones that spring to mind.

AIBU to gently point out that it's not my problem that she chose to have two children and has to split her resources accordingly next time she does this?

Also, in case it's relevant - DH and I don't have more children for multiple reasons. We found out he is infertile a couple of years ago. DD is from a previous relationship, I had her in my late teens. Prior to finding out, DH and I decided we didn't want to explore having more children until we had bought a house and settled. We should hopefully buy in 12-18 months when we're in our early 30s, and then we'll explore fertility treatment if it's still something we want.

I don't think the issue is to do with her choices. the issue is that she's a bitter jealous cow who isn't really your friend.

Some people are not able to be friends with people they perceive as having more than them. Clearly this woman is one of them.

Have you tried telling her it makes you uncomfortable and you'd like her to stop comparing your DD with hers?

As I point out to mine... they might have less individually but combined they probably have more!

Shes not a friend

This is really sad from your friend - I really think a true friend should be happy to see you and your family thrive, and comparing is just childish.
You should definitely tell her how this makes you feel and give her a chance to rebalance.

Why are you still in touch now you've moved so far away? Let this so called friendship come to a natural end

I would just stop engaging with her about anything that didn't directly relate to arranging something for the kids.

Not every message deserves a reply. Change the subject

Some people always want more, regardless. Even when they get the kids they always wanted, it’s a problem! I have a friend who moans about her kids constantly. She wants a bigger house, a better car, will only go back to work if it’s a top career… Meanwhile I don’t own a house. Or a car. And I work all sorts of hours to keep the show on the road. I also have one child, so she thinks I’m living my best life every day, ha ha!

People making comments like that are mean twats. If you have moved, hopefully you can phase them out.

Urgh! I get it OP, but from family! DH’s siblings have chosen to have, frankly, more kids than they can afford and live the life they’d like to.
We probably earn a bit more, but only two kids so have (in their eyes) fancy cars, big house, expensive hobbies…I just ignore their digs. I’m certainly not going to feel guilty our kids have things and opportunities theirs don’t. They made their choices as did we.

She doesn’t sound like a very nice friend

She's not your friend, OP. She's just jealous of you and thinks you shouldn't have whatever you have because she hasn't got it. Stupid and jealous.

She'd be an ex friend from me. I'd be tempted to tell her why too.

We're still in contact because we've been friends for 7 years, and Other than the complaining, she's genuinely been a good friend. She's supported me through my highs and lows as I have hers. When we were both single parents and the girls went to the same school we split school runs and babysat for each other when we had appointments etc.

When she's not complaining I really enjoy her company.
It seems to be a very materialistic thing though, because there's been no complaints when I've passed exams etc.

She sounds very jealous! I would be taking a step back from the friendship personally x

There are always pros and cons to however many children you have. She should try looking at the pros.

So you're close enough to tell her to stop bloody moaning 🤷‍♂️

It’s ok to outgrow a friendship @Fruitystones

She may have supported you in prior times but that was mutual.

This current behaviour is not. Time to move on.

Actually, a DS and his DW are children of a family friend, my DM's best friend. They chose to have DC by IVF as she had trouble getting pregnant, had one DS and 2 DDs (twins) and apparently chose to have both this way.

Now though, every other post is how tiring it is (or was), whenever she needs/wants childcare. How hard it is being a DM to twins and a third child. She spouts this whenever you see her too.

So why have them in the first place then? Did you not research into having twins or naively think having twins would be easy?

Can you have a quiet word with her and say you're finding her comments a bit hard? You don't want it to come between you sort of thing.

She sounds like a dick, regardless of how many children she’s got. She’s chosen to have more than one, of course that means that she has to make different financial choices.

She is jealous. She makes jabs.

Up to you if you want to continue to take it.

Comparison is the thief of joy

The reason I haven't ended the friendship is because she's a good friend when she hasn't been complaining. And when she's not being jealous, I genuinely enjoy her company.

When we both lived in the same area, we spent a lot of time together and we were both single parents so we became our own village to ease the load.
I would do school drop offs she would do pick ups, she babysat DD when I had a couple of childcare emergencies, I babysat her DDs when she needed help etc. We'd often split the cost of ingredients and have dinner together at one of our houses.

I live 300 miles away now, but we still talk occasionally and the girls speak via Skype

It's just the jealousy that really gets to me. I know this is likely insecurity on her side but I wish she could see that actually, in my eyes she has just as much as me in a different sense, because she has two healthy DD's. Whereas my DD has a major heart defect and my husband is infertile. She just can't see that wealth isn't just material items.

I have spoken to her as has another friend who has experienced it, but it's like she can't see she's complaining.

I have. And other people have because she doesn't just do this to me. It's like she genuinely can't see that she's complaining which is bizarre.

Ask her what she'd like you to do about it.

She's being ridiculous. Kids bleat on about supposed 'fairness', not adults.

Nit the same situation but similar attitudes. My y dh and I bought a little terrace 2 up 2 down ( in the90s). We've renovated/extended etc and love it. We won't move and our mortgage is paid off.
A dear friend has bought small, then medium then larger house and currently have at least 10yrs on mortgage which is a high percentage of their wages. CHOICES.
We were out with friends and houses/mortgages came up and i mentioned our mortgage was paid off. She, very scathingly/ nastily said, ' you would die if you know how much we pay in mortgage!!!' I wouldnt normally react but her attitide was shit, so i said ' but that's what you've chosen, yes I don't pay a mortgage but I don't have a drive, garage,utility, kitchen diner, dressing room, onsuite' CHOICES!!