To not want to be wrap around care for my ex

[Missmuffet28]

DS 10 starts secondary school in sept it’s a little further away than the primary and the start/finish times are slightly different by 10-15 mins.
we have a two week arrangement
wk 1 I drop off at school every day he picks up on Tuesday and Thursday and has DS for tea. He only has him for tea because he doesn’t want to eat Into work hours to drop him off at school in the morning
wk2 he picks up Tuesday, Thursday and Friday and has over night which then rolls into his weekend with DS so he’s dropping him to school on Wednesday and Friday.
Ex is now making a fuss and saying he can’t stick to the agreed arrangements and wants me to do all school runs on wk 1 but then pick DS up from me at 4:15 for tea and do his Wed drop off on wk 2 by dropping ds back to me on a Wed morn before school for me to take him to school.

I have a full time job also and I already work flexibly to fulfill my allocation of school runs.
but obviously have to make this time up.

I do however work at home most of the time.

first he claimed it was the times, I sent him link for gov guidelines on flexible working.
then he claimed it was actually because him and his partner only have 1 car.

after many back and forth petty texts about how he was flexible two and a half years ago when I broke my leg 😂😂 (someone should send the guy a medal) I’m left with the below and I just don’t know how to respond.
AIBU to not want to be his wrap around care I don’t want to have to make more hours up at work because he can’t sort his life out.

Ok so on DS overnight week -
Tuesday and Thursday we can pick up DS from school.
NewPartner is going to ask to work from home every other Friday so he can be dropped to breakfast club and picked up from school.

We can’t do the Wednesday morning drop off to school. So DS can be dropped off to you at 07.45 on her way to work.

On the week we have DS Tuesday and Thursday for tea neither of us can do school pickup but one of us can pick him up from yours at 4.15.
But if one or both of our job patterns change it would have to be reviewed .

Your ex is trying to control you through the children.

Tell him to fuck off and carry his weight or take him back to court to change the parenting agreement

As a rule no breakfast clubs or afterschool clubs for kids in highschool. Only after school clubs are for extracurricular that the school may run. Hate to say it but Daddy needs to be responsible for DS on his days simple. You work FT your job is just as important the arrangement is set up if now becoming a problem he needs to find a solution that isn't impacting you

Quite. ‘ I don’t quite understand re the car, my partner buying a car won’t somehow make him into our child’s dad. You’re their dad. Now which arrangement do you prefer- the same as we’ve had, or week on week off, doing 100% of your week?

It’s sounds quite complicated but I know how it goes! Just say no and not engage with convo any further. Tell him he’ll just have to sort out childcare from somewhere else on his days.

Have you actually read OPs posts at all? HerDS has SEN and as she has said is not mature enough for independent travel etc. Your comment was unhelpful, massively.

I DO have a clue, thanks
I spend my life spinning plates because my own kids dad doesn’t do Jack for them. But you know what, I DO it, because I love THEM, and THEY come first, regardless. My earning potential is low, and my pension is lower, but regardless I do it, because I chose to have kids and they will never ever feel that they are a burden to me, in any shape or form. SHOULD their dad step up? Of course he SHOULD, but he’s not going to, so get on with it.

Ooh, aren't you so perfect?

You still don't have a clue. Because you're spinning plates and making sacrifices and you're finding it hard but you're able to do it. But in many many cases, women can spin as many plates as they like and they're still not going to manage.

And as importantly, in this case, it's perfectly okay for the OP to say "No" to her ex. And sure, the chances are that if he won't step up, she'll have to. She'll have to do the spinning and the compromising and all the rest of it, and I'm sure she knows that.

But it's perfectly okay for her to say to him that this isn't okay and to do her bloody best to ensure she doesn't have to and to come on here and commiserate with other women who fully understand how shit it is and who, even while they're bending over backwards and sacrificing their health, their careers, their time etc, will be furious that they have to becuase not all of us are perfect little mothers who don't care if we won't have a pension.

edited to add: I'm pretty angry today because it looks like we'll be picking up the slack for our nephews even more due to the waste of space that is my exBIL. And SIL is doing her bloody best but years of propping him up have drained her mentally, emotionally and financially and she just has nothing left. she can't work any less - she's already in a financial hole. She can't afford more childcare for the same reason. so what must she do?

What ARE you talking about now? I DO know what’s like, and InDO struggle, and I have no choice but to get on with it, or let my kids suffer, and that’s not an option for ME. You do you, it’s no skin off my nose.