Menopause is really not that bad.

[DaisyRayi]

Misleading title kind of hoping for more traffic.

I could probably do some research and read up about it but what exactly is it that happens to women when they go through menopause.

You hear about women having their careers ruined etc.

Not comparing things but during pregnancy and post patrum I was feeling very doom and gloom but only realised the feelings were due to the pregnancy hormones now that I’m back to normal.

😂yes me too! But it’s probably my plummeting estrogen

Sailing through it at the moment. Periods have reduced to every 2 months. Occasional hot flush, but very very mild, nothing an open window won't fix. I have an easy life overall though, so maybe that helps : I work for myself from home (very easy job), kids are adults and have left home, no caring responsibilities. I'm also very happy in my marriage, and we travel a lot and have loads of fun. Still having great sex. Maybe all that helps? I'm 54. I would presume if anything terrible was going to happen, it already would have? I deliberately avoided all these doom and gloom programmes about menopause, as I didn't want to put ideas in to my own head.

In peri menopause I have developed crippling chronic pain. I can't function or work without hrt. Not all women are that unlucky but yes you need to do some research!!

Also suffered PND after my second pregnancy. Not just "doom and gloom" Even though I knew I wasn't right I couldn't rationalise those feelings at all and needed an intervention.

Your sample size of 1 (you) is way too small!

For some it's not so bad, no. It varies.

For me personally it is horrendous.

Symptoms just keep on coming. Now have inability to orgasm, constant UTI's, lack of balance to add to anxiety, panic attacks, rage, lack of sleep, gum disease so severe I've lost 4 teeth, itchy ears, feelings of doom, lack of joy, uncontrollable weight gain.

Yes, it ruined my career too.

For you it's fabulous. For you it's not something you live with for lifeWe are all different.

I'm 5 years post menopause and still getting new symptoms. Some women need HRT for life, some women adapt.

It seems plausible, doesn't it? But it's incorrect. A girl's body is absolutely not the same as that of a post-menopausal woman.

Our bones reach peak density between the ages of about 25 and 30 and begin to very gradually decline from our 30s onwards.

Bones are constantly being replaced and replenished. Two types of cells within the body effect this replenishment. Osteoclasts break down the old or damaged bone (think of them coming along and eating holes in your bones). This clears the way for their partners, the osteoblasts, to come along and make new bone to fill in the gaps left behind.

After age 30 there begins a slight discrepancy between the two processes, so that slightly more bone is removed than is replaced.

During the years following menopause, with the sudden loss of hormones when periods cease, bone loss drastically increases. The osteoblasts cannot keep up with the osteoclasts, who seem to go into overdrive. The result is the development of a condition called osteoporosis, which makes the bones more likely to fracture.

One of the commonest areas to fracture easily is the spine. The vertebrae crush together - and deformity of the spine and displacement of the internal organs can result. Sometimes people are not aware that they've suffered vertebral fractures until they notice a loss of height or a change of body shape (e.g. hunched shoulders, belly sticking out) but usually the excruciating pain (which sometimes never goes away) makes it all too obvious that something catastrophic has happened.

The bodies of adult women depend on oestrogen for not only bone health but also cardio-vascular health. HRT goes a long way to protecting older women from declining health. It's about far more than just treating the immediate side effects of the menopause.

Please read up on it and make an informed decision. Your older self may be be very glad that you did.

But just to note that many women will live without bone degradation post menopause without HRT and a lot depends on genetics and overall state of health and exercise

I thought you were my MIL then. She told me & my SIL (both married to her sons) that she didn’t believe in the menopause. She never had any of these symptoms so she thinks it’s all made up & women just use it as an excuse to be dramatic. They never had all this fuss in her day (she’s 69) & all us new generations of women are just weak & demanding attention. It’s the same with all this mental health rubbish, all just drama & not real. Can you believe she’s a nurse & is still working so it’s not like she retired years ago & hasn’t had any experience with patients recently. We both proper pulled her up on it

mic drop

The celebs lecturing me about it really grate. They don't represent everyone but they act like they do. I really don't want any special concessions or attention became I'm of that age

It worries me - the narrative that all women suffer from brain fog and bad symptoms - just as pg and childcare recedes as "risk" in back of employers minds to suddenly middle age women being seen as liabilities.

Politicians going on about it reeks of stereotype thinking - oh middle age women = menopause lets throw a bone that costs nothing.

Actual help like better trained GP, menopause clinics or just easier access to HRT stuff that actually takes money and effort never seems to be on the cards

Exactly. My mum has been ok on that side of things, but my dad had osteoporosis and hypothyroidism, and eventually blocked arteries and died of heart failure, and take I more after him with low blood pressure and low resting heart rate.

After I turned 45 I had my thyroid checked just in case, as he was hypo for many years before it was picked up, and fortunately it was well into the normal range, but I will keep an eye on it. At some point I'll definitely pay for a bone density scan and will certainly be on HRT. I'm also hypermobile which increases the risk.

Its sad and maybe a little concerning at the lack of knowledge of perimenopause and menopause from women in general and on this thread. A majority of women will experience perimenopausal symptoms, and a large minority will have life changing symptoms. It's strange that some women still think because they haven't suffered symptoms, other women must be exaggerating. We have to move on at some point, from questioning women when they explain their experiences with their bodies. It's harmful.

I know a lot of women who had quite bad symptoms and say it majorly affected their careers and their marriages. I think if you haven't ever heard that, perhaps there a reason your fiends aren't sharing that with you? Anxiety and depression are very common symptoms, so the more support we can give each other the better. My worst symptoms are anxiety, fatigue, and low libido, but I have a bit of a list of them! Brain fog is the real problem for me because that impacts work and life in general.

Yeah well as you say in your last sentence, a lack of oestrogen or a hormonal imbalance can make you feel wretched.

I don't understand why some women 'sail through' and others hit rock bottom. It's mystifying.

Perimenopausal five years ago and it was hellish. I am on HRT so I don't know how I 'should' be feeling right now if nature had taken its course. Was wearing what must have been a defective or damaged patch the other day and got hit by wave after wave of hot flushes, and reminded that they are nasty enervating things that zap you of all energy.

You just need to pay attention to your own body and moods as you hit that time and be aware that the help is there if you need it.

Woman who hasn’t been through the menopause decides it isn’t so bad. Honestly you might as well be a man coming out with such stupid misogyny.

None of my friends have experienced the exact same thing.

One friend experienced crippling anxiety, couldn’t even get in the car. This then also affected her sleep - she eventually got HRT and can now drive and go to work.

One is just having heavy bleeding - nothing else but it’s affecting her in a different way. Not on HRT as yet deciding what her next steps are.

I have also been a slim size 8. Now a size 14 - exercise and diet has made little to no difference. & brain fog - this affects my work :(

I could go on explaining each of my other friends experiences but no one is the same & there is no script to follow.

The brain fog, thinning hair, painful joints, anxiety and sudden weight gain that are the worst for me. My friend left her job because of the menopause, she just couldn't cope.

All of the things like weight gain, sweating, dry skin etc…
But, forgetting things, being confused. That’s the worst bit.

I bristle at the saturated media coverage (can't turn off the tv or radio fast enough), but what most upsets me is the idea that I need special treatment at work because of my life stage. How dare I be typecast like that.

It's not about you if you don't need it, is it? It's about having help available for those of us who aren't as fortunate as you. Those women aren't going to get help for their situation unless employers understand that it's something that could happen to anyone going through menopause. That's also why there's so much coverage of it, by the way. It's not some widespread conspiracy to paint you individually as less capable than you are.

thank you @CarterBeatsTheDevil

It seems plausible, doesn't it? But it's incorrect. A girl's body is absolutely not the same as that of a post-menopausal woman.

That's not what I said, or meant.

Please read up on it and make an informed decision. Your older self may be be very glad that you did.

Made an informed decision long ago, and do not regret it. You might want to brush up on your own information, as it is incorrect that HRT helps cardiovascular health. Bone loss slows down within 5 years post-menopause, and my bones are fine, thanks.

Your older self may very well be very sad that you made the choice that you made, also. My mother certainly was.

But this is exactly the point the OP is asking about.
Not all women have these symptoms and not all of those can be attributed to menopause. Middle aged men put on weight as well.

I am very, very similar to my sister physically (body type, how we managed our pregnancies, life style) yet her menopause has been awful. I am nearly 12 months with no periods and my symptoms are quite manageable.

It's different for every single woman.

This 'oh you wait' attitude isn't helpful. I remember it being said to me as a very slim woman before I had children. Snarky chuckles about how I'd lose my figure when I became a mother. It didn't happen (and still hasn't).

Middle aged men put on weight as well.

Often due to lowering testosterone, which they can be prescribed replacement for.

Putting weight on is not inevitable. But weight distribution changes in women even if you stay the same weight. People age and bodies change.

Sweating or freezing all the time. No middle ground.

Sorry about that. But the responses have been really interesting.