Menopause is really not that bad.

[DaisyRayi]

Misleading title kind of hoping for more traffic.

I could probably do some research and read up about it but what exactly is it that happens to women when they go through menopause.

You hear about women having their careers ruined etc.

Not comparing things but during pregnancy and post patrum I was feeling very doom and gloom but only realised the feelings were due to the pregnancy hormones now that I’m back to normal.

I agree. OP you could have posted a genuine question on an appropriate board and you would have had plenty of informative replies.

I really, really thought they would wake me up after the investigation surgery saying I was going through it. Hopefully I'll be lucky when the time comes.

I got the impression it was only high powered women's career ruined.

Have you tried HRT? I started it a few months ago and its been life changing. I'm glad that menopause is so out in the open, last year i was driven almost completely mad by some symptoms i wouldn't have otherwise known could have been menopause, especially with a mother in the "in my day we just got on with it" camp.

To the posters saying about keeping us medicated- I would say that has likely been the case for the last 20 years, but on antidepressants, rather than the hormones we actually need. So many women are offered them at the first appointment when they aren't depressed, they are menopausal!

Also my experience.
Although Peri pre surgery was brutal, I was totally unhinged -and the HRT has helped hugely (but not completely) with that.
I really am now a shell of the person I was.

Yeah do some research it is nothing like post partnum hormones.

I got the impression it was only high powered women's career ruined.

I worked as an Ops Director. There’s zero chance of me ever going back. I’m currently debating whether I’m up to doing some voluntary work in a charity shop, but I don’t feel I’m up to it. Anyone’s job can be affected.

it's not bad for everyone. Some women literally just have their periods stop. I think all the awareness around menopause is great but I can see it's damaging in assuming all women of that age will struggle. and it's mad the same level of attention isn't put on fertility/miscarriage/pregnancy/postpartum. my work have events and policies all about menopause but zero about miscarriage, which is far more traumatic.

OP -what do YOU think happens and have all those posts been of any assistance to your understanding?

Not a big deal for me. The insomnia is probably the worst part, and definitely had gut changes which can be embarrassing but in the scheme of life nothing life changing. I'm now 5 months since last period, not on hrt

what exactly is it that happens to women when they go through menopause.

We become justifiably intolerant of people who start threads with misleading, provocative titles and who haven't been arsed to Google the subject beforehand.

Heavy periods that go on for 6 weeks. Leading to anaemia and barely going 2h between changing double protection.
Brain fog that has been building for years.
I can’t wait to be actually menopausal.

My experience too. I was a basket case pre-surgery (panic disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and PMDD) but I’ve been really calm and stable since the op. That said, I think the physical symptoms are just as bad as the mental ones were previously.

Physically mine was not that bad. Mentally it was a car crash. Terrible mood swings, awful anxiety and low self esteem. Poor DH put up with a lot.

Or your Daily Mail article?

You just don't know how it will affect you.

But having managed clinics in women's services that primarily dealt with vaginal atrophy, prolapse, and gynaecology urodynamics, I learned an eye opening amount at a young age about what a lack of oestrogen does to a woman's body and quality of life. This was at a time when panic about HRT was making women decline to take it even when recommended by their consultant. As much as people bang on about it now, I remember being shocked 25 years ago that it wasn't being publicly discussed, and I will always credit Davina McCall for being the first celebrity I heard being honest about what she was experiencing.

In my family bone loss after menopause is a massive issue and I am unlikely to escape it.

It's different for everyone.
For me, perimenopause was horrendous. Night sweats, hot flushes, bloodbath periods, insomnia, mood swings. My alopecia got so much worse. It was awful.

I haven't had a period for several years now which I guess makes me post menopausal even though I'm only 50 and I'm right as rain now.
I am very lucky because I know post menopause symptoms can be dreadful.

OP did you ever stop to think that 'My experience might not be representative of all women's?

Why do you think all women should have the same experience?

Do you think other women are lying about how much it affects them?

Why would they lie? Why would they say the experience was crippling/awful etc?

Do you accept that one woman can have a good birthing experience without much pain but another can end up with a full crash C-section and nearly dying?

What exactly is it about you which gives you the authority to tell other women that they are 'wrong' about menopause and should stop talking about it because you didn't have any problems? You have to be incredibly ignorant, tone deaf, arrogant and egotistical to do that.

Both my mum and my sister were lucky. Their periods just stopped one day and that was that.

I have been in peri for about 4 years now. Intermittent periods but when they come, they are so heavy and painful. I have suffered from really bad brain fog. I have to write down literally everything I need to do or be aware of or I'll forget. The hot flushes are a nightmare. All winter long I sleep with my window wide open and still end up throwing the covers off, so you can imagine how I feel in summer! What were previously minor aches and pains are now so much worse. I'm not eating any more than I was but have stacked on weight that I'm struggling to lose. I don't sleep well at all. I probably haven't had a single full night's sleep in that 4 years.

I have ended up taking a job a step below what I was doing because my former role was very high stress and full on. I just couldn't hack it any more.

I want it to be over. I want to feel "normal" again.

As I say every time, it is different for everyone.
Bit the public and media narrative now is that it is awful, we must all be given special treatment, we are wilting flowers etc. It's a very anti-female view.

Yes, some women have a bad time and need help. Nobody is disputing that. But that isn't everyone's experience.
So, from my point of view...

Good things:
No more periods
No medication
No trips to see a doctor
No longer give a F about trivia

Bad things:
Er.... there aren't any!

So let's all just do our own thing and not worry about anyone else.

Horrendous

Hot flushes. Three or four times a night and each time the whole bedding would be soaked so I'd have to change it. In the day it's even worse because the sweat just soaks through clothes very easily.

I was fortunate to have an office and I kept changes of clothes there.

Insomnia - I was waking up three or four times a night even apart from the hot
Flushes and so I never really got a full nights sleep

The anxiety was really bad. I went to the GP and was put on anti anxiety meds which helped a bit. I was having panic attacks at work (admittedly some of this was a shit workplace but still)

HRT has helped. Still get a couple of (not so bad) hot flushes a night but these days I sleep on towels.

Agree either way what's already been said - all women are different and will experience it differently.

Just like everything else, including pregnancy and postpartum.

But from my own experience I can totally see why it can affect jobs etc. the brain fog for me, before hrt, was awful. I was genuinely worried I was experiencing early onset dementia. When I mentioned that to the nurse at my gp, she said that's been said to her a lot.

The insomnia also has, for me, been brutal. As were the rages.

I'm lucky in that I could use hrt, I had a supportive gp so didn't need to fight for it like I have read so many other women have to, and it has worked for me.

They have been helpful. Without doing any research I get the feeling from what we hear about menopause that once you get to that stage of life you are done.

So, my main first question before going off myself looking into anything else in more depth (when the time is more relevant) was answered. I.e. it can vary widely and not everyone is automatically going to suffer in the same debilitating way.

I will add, I am fed up of women saying we don't need menopause policies at work etc just because they sailed through it. I feel a huge pressure in that regard to pretend I'm OK and doing fine when I'm really not. Just because it wasn't bad for them, don't make me feel like I'm just being some sort of hypochondriac because I am suffering.

Well you'll be Totally Fucked if you suffer a loss of common sense in your menopause OP because you've got little to none to start with. 🙄

I sailed through my menopause but I used to have terrible pmt . My sister never had pmt but had a dreadful menopause . She used to tell me pmt was just in someone's mind and used as an excuse . Now she knows what I went through every month and has apologised.